Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Almost 8 months and counting

Amen to that Yoyo... At this point you shouldn't trust anything he says. I am so sad that he is now lying to his girls in order to cover up his bad behavior.

It's so true that women change men. My H's Uncle married his "affair woman" and she has gradually moved him away from his kids and they now have kids of their own. It's like the first family no longer exists most of the time. It's very sad.. No one would have thought that would have happened.

Statistically, the husband always loses touch with his children in a divorce, regardless of who initiated it, if the kids end up living with the mom.

It's natural. You are family with the people you live with.

This has come up in my thoughts. If my wife and I divorce and I remarried someone with children or someone who wanted children, technically my children would always be my kids, but I sense, in some strange way, if I had children in a second marriage, wouldn't my children with the wife I lived with have more of me than my children who lived with my ex-wife and whatever man she ended up with?

Divorce, in my mind, creates fatherless children. Boys who don't know how to be men and girls who will seek out approval from multiple boyfriends because their fathers were absent.

--Theoden

Theoden,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. Even if a noncustodial father/mother tried to stay in contact, he/she is not with them everyday and misses out on those little things in life that matter. I even told my H one day a few months ago. I said you are missing out on so much with youngest D. I said you don't know what she and her friends are doing, who her latest crush is, etc. I would be so sad if I didn't know those things about my D. I would miss the funny little stories she tells me about her day. In other words if I was the wanting to leave I would do everything in my power to work it out so I wouldn't miss out on those important things. Theo, I know you would also, as would other LBS.

Yoyo,

Yeah, well....ain't it just freakin' grand?

I get to miss out on so much of my children's life because my wife is having a MLC and wants to self-actualize.

Yeah, ain't it grand?

Where do I go throw up?

Where do I go cry?

Where do I scream?

God in heaven, do you hear?

--Theoden

Theoden,
And they say it's not about the children, yeah whatever. Why can't they seem the harm they causing the kids? God gave children two parents for a reason. I'm sorry Theo. I know your hurting. I would like to shake her for you. You are a honorable man. Keep on loving your kids, they know you are there for them. You didn't choose to do this. You aren't out with OW.

Yoyo,

You know some days I wonder, "Why shouldn't I be out there with another woman? My kids are being hurt and their trust destroyed. Why not get it from both ends?"

It's really boring being the stable father, worried about my children, reacting to my wife's crazy-making, trying to work on the marriage when it seems that my wife is having the time of her life, sleeping with another man and being "present in the moment" and discovering her "personal truth" as she puts it.

Do all MLC people sound aloof, surreal and sanctimonious?

--Theoden

Hey Theo

You are not alone. I too wonder “Why shouldn't I be out there with another woman?” But your second statement is why.” My kids are being hurt and their trust destroyed. Why not get it from both ends?"” I have no control what my W does. But just because she is going to hurt my son does not make it right for me to also. If it were not for my son 10. I would have given up long ago. As it is now I say to myself ok one more week. My son has emotional problems to top it off. He has constant nightmares of me dieing and him being all alone. I know he will not understand a divorce. As it is if we were to get a D. I would fight to get custody of my son. We are always together as it is now. My W thinks buying him a video game and sitting him in front of the T.V is good parenting’s to feel it is so unfair that My W knows more about our future than I. This is only because I have my son and until he is 18 He is my responsibility. I need to show him how a man is supposed to live, Take responsibility. And above all keep his word (vows) and always be truthful.


It sure sucks to have morals
Husband

Hey Guys,
I think one day our kids will look back on this and see that we remained moral people and did all we could to save our marriages. They will see that we were for them, so what if our social life is the pits right now. Our kids are number 1!

Yoyo, and Husband,

Husband: thanks for the good words.

No, actually, it doesn't suck to have morals. Truth and light and faithfulness are beautiful things. Having fun (self-actualizing) while you are destroying people's lives is ugly.

Why must having morals suck?

I think it sucks to be boring, to be afraid, to be needy, to feel like you have no power, like you have lost yourself. It sucks to wait around for every emotional crumb that our WAS throws us. It sucks to always be reacting and on the defensive.

Let's be moral, but on the offensive. Living lives of truth, beauty, passion and delight.

Amen?

Theoden,
I couldn't have said it better myself.