Had a truely wonderful visit with F1! I just wish I could have shown her a better time. Will definitely paint the rooms the wonderful colors she picked out.
DD had her wisdom teeth out. She seems to have come through better than me. I was an internal wreck. All I could think of was "I am driving my baby so someone can hurt her" <sigh> I think part of the problem is also that tomorrow (Father's Day) is also our 19th wedding anniversary. I am not expecting flowers, like last year, but I am hoping. Not good. I don't think he will do it this year. Is this a good sign or not. I know I can't read into it but I want to mull over it and I can't. It just is. I will move on. <sigh> He did send bath stuff and one candy bar to his dad in Arizona for Father's Day. His dad just commented that the candy bar looked like an after thought and sending it in 100 degree heat probably was not a good idea. His dad sent him a thank you with their new P.O. box (they are moving end of this month) and a "missing you, love you" at the end. DANG!! I want to shake H and make him respond - good or bad - but I can't. I didn't tell him about DD and her wisdom teeth, maybe I should? but I feel better when I don't do anything. Then I am not expecting something (like a reply).
I am reading Chapter 15 (How to Save Your Marriage Alone" in Staying in Love for a Lifetime by Ed Wheat, M.D. It is very biblical but generally says "respond with kindness" and treat them like you would want to be treated. I can't respond to anything except a nice thank you for the occassional flowers but I don't know if the "treat like you want to be treated" is appropriate. I should send updates on DD but I get no response so are they too much? Is is producing too much guilt so is it better to leave alone? I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I know everyone says one way or another and can not say what is exactly right in my stitch so all I can do is be here and wait. Learning patience is the pits!
Still coming to NYC on July 3-9th. I've got tickets to Wicked and to see the fireworks from the lake. YIPPEEE!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Yeah! on the leg. Now you can dance the night away again.
CRAP!!! No flowers yet and yes I am obsessing and I have every right to right now. I am frustrated and tired. Couldn't go horseback riding because of everything else I had to do. While feeding neighbors horses, their dogs got out and I had 1/2 hour or more of worrying about them and searching for them, DD had to go to work, dad wanted me to come over and trim hedge, which I ended up doing in 100 degree heat. Now, I am doing laundry and going to go grocery shopping and then pick up DD.
I guess I always counted on the flowers, even though I shook my head every time. It was our only contact and now he is starting to cut it. Does this mean never any more contact? Another tie cut between us. The next "event" is DD bday in September. Will I hear nothing until then? Is he starting toward depression or does he have another woman and is blissfully happy and has forgotten us? Does it even matter? It shouldn't but it does still! DANG!!!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
You are making yourself crazy here. You can't fix this. Nothing you do matters. You could probably go over and set his apartment on fire while firing automatic rifles in the air, and it wouldn't matter.
You could show up naked with a spam hat and it wouldn't matter.
'Cause you can't fix this.
So drop it, please. Just do what you want to do for you. Only you. Because you matter. and you deserve it.
<sigh> I just get a good twisting and turning depression going and you want me to ruin it? LOL
I am better. Almost got everything I needed done today. Just forgot a present for my "adopted" dad (the one who owns the horses)so after dinner, off I go to shop. DD survived work - tired and chipmunked cheeked. My body temperature is back down from the 100 degree tree trimming and I am only a little crazy. I realized the no flowers is probably a good sign. He is moving - in or out, up or down - who knows??? but it shows that something is happening and I am ok with just the idea that he is trying new stuff.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
