Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............Pt2

Things have been pretty quite over the last several days, hence my absence from the board.

My W has not brought up selling the house, divorce or anything personal with me. I have been flying well under the radar.

W went out afterwork on Friday night and did not come home.

On Sat afternoon, I took DD to the mall (got a call from W asking whether she could meet at mall and take DD for a few hours before she had to got out). She was supposed to look after DD on Sat night (my night) but decided to make plans and asked whether I could organise a babysitter (sure no probs).

She picked up DD at around 2pm with her best friend, I then met up with my sister for yum cha. I asked W if she could bring DD home at 5pm as I had to be away in time to drop DD off and go to my function.

She rocks back at 5:30pm (always makes me late when I have to go out), no probs. She tells me that she has organised lunch with the girls for Sunday and a tupperware party at our house in the evening (I wanted to relax before work, 10pm start on Sun), no probs.

Anyway's, I have been continuing my PMA and have avoided any convo's with W for a few weeks, and things have slowed down heaps. I do not let anything she does get to me, no matter how inconsiderate it may be.

Also, on the matter of "dating others", I have decided to give it a go. Last night I had a great night with a wonderful lady (she has been asking me out to dinner for a while), great meal and great conversation. It was nice to be able to go out with someone other than my friends, and she is fully aware of my sitch.

My priorities are still with saving my M, but at the moment, there are no indications that this will happen in the near future. I know there will be people out there that will cringe at thinking about dating others, but I really don't think this is a bad thing.

I felt my confidence coming back last night, something I have not felt in a long time. It was a great escapism from my current turmoil.

I hope all of you are doing better in your sitches, and are having a good weekend.



My sitch

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1013416

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1090706

Andyv, sounds like you're doing great with your PMA! I'm glad to see you are moving ahead and not buying into the drama your WAW is selling. I agree, its hard to fathom the complete lack of consideration shown us by our WAS's. Maybe it comes from having their collective heads so far up their A**, they actually believe that they are being a mature adult. Oh, well to coin a phrase from Court Tv: "And that is exactly why I killed her your Honor". That being said keep on keeping on!

Peace

Tom

Hey andyv

Just a drop in to say hey.
Just got back from my "vacation" with my son. Seems nothing changed at the home front except I think the W took a few steps back. I know she was not with the OM because Of the phone calls home.
But I feel like I lost ground. Dating huh. I will write you more later. I kind of got carried away with a F. No I didn't have sex but I think I almost had a EA. It's a thin line I was walking.
I'll fill ya in more later

Husband

Thx Tom,

How are things going with you?

W brought up the D papers today. Funny how things can change so quickly. She wanted to ask me whether I wanted to pick up and drop off DD from her place, or for her to do the pick up and drop offs from my place.

We haven't even sold the house yet, or found other accomodation, and she is asking me about the drop offs. I suppose she is just moving on with things and needs it for the paperwork.

I also wonder if the GALing and goind dark may have brought this on. Who knows.

I also sense that she is still angry with me, even though I have not been in her space for a few weeks and have let her be. She is so stubborn, that she will probably go through with everything just to prove a point.

We had her cousins come over briefly this morning, and I had a good time chatting with them. I have noticed that when I am interacting well with her family or friends, it annoys her to see them "liking" me.

Anyway, I hope you have managed to detach and things are going better for you.

Hey Husband,

Glad to hear you had a great vacation. It is still early in your sitch, so I wouldn't worry about things too much. I sense that maybe you pushed too hard too early with the gifts and stuff (I maybe wrong, it is just my gut feeling).

I know it is hard to work out what to do in each sitch, whether it is worse to detach or go dark, or still be there. But from everything I have read, detaching and going dark, and letting go of your W normally brings a higher success rate than being there.

Like I keep saying, they will never miss what they have until it is gone.

As far as the dating goes, I see no harm in it. As long as you approach it the right way. But in the end, who knows, maybe there is a better life waiting there for us.

Like I said, I will still DB and work to get my W back, but I cant just sit around and mope whilst I am doing this. I had an excellent night last night, and it helped my PMA enormously.

AndyV, today I went skydiving again ( my new fav. thing to do). On preparing to exit the plane I got my feet tangled a little. I reminded myself to slow down and just focus on the task of safely exiting the plane. As I was driving back home from the drop zone (1.5 hours), I had the opportunity to reflect on my current sitch. I came up with this: when I focus on getting down safely before I even get into jump position, I start making mental mistakes. In sky diving you don't get too many of those. If I focus to intently on being married to W and restoring our M , (a safe landing) I forget that first I need to safely exit the aircraft. A mental mistake at 3/4 of a mile is truly fatal. A mistake at this junction in our relationship can be equally fatal. I know i'm rambling a bit but I'm a little drunk now. Anyway you are doing great mate!

tom

Tom,

Funny enough, I understand what you are saying.

Well, my W left to go to her friends house (after her cousins visit) to make "stuffed cabbages". It is a Baltic dish, mince meat and rice wrapped in sour cabbage leaves. Her group (post MLC friends) organise one of them to make a heritage dish every couple of weeks, and it was my W's turn.

She has only ever cooked a dozen times in our 13 year marriage, as I did all the cooking (she lives off toasted sandwiches or frozen meals when I go away for work). So it is good that she is at least trying now, just in case her OM can't cook either

She left home at around 1pm, and I asked her if she could be back by 4pm, as I needed to do something before work at 10pm, she said "no probs".

Well, as per normal, she rocks home at 6:30 pm (no phone call to say she would be late, I didn't bother calling her). I normally would have called her at 4:01pm and had a go (pre bomb), but the new me just let it go.

When she got home, DD and I were skylarking in her bedroom. W walked in and was very pleasant, told me about the making of the dish, and that it took longer than normal to prepare, very pleasant indeed. I was in a happy mood due to DD and let it go (I think she was waiting for a neg response).

Anyway, she made me a nice coffee, we sat downstairs for a little bit whilst we drank our coffees with DD, had a bit of a chat, very nice.

Then I wished her a successful tupperware party, and told her that I stocked up the pantry with chips and dips for her party, along with some finger foods to heat up in the oven.

Then left to have dinner at my sisters house, where I am right now. I still have a few hours to kill till I go to work, but I didn't want to hang around with all of W's friends and relatives (as most of them know what is going on). And I think she would probably prefer me not to be there.

Well, that was my day today. All in all, other than W bringing up the D papers, I had an enjoyable one. I also got to spend heaps of time with DD which was excellent.

I also got some good news about our home (W wants to sell up). My sister is thinking about investing in it (paying out W) so that I can keep it. I reckon it would be great for DD to have the stability of keeping her home and her room. And all the stuff we have accumulated, I dread having to move elswhere.

Happy Fathers Day AndyV. It's an American Holiday but it means the same all over the world. You're a great Dad, mate!

Peace from up above

Tom

Thanks Tom, much appreciated.