I was asked to move out on June 1 and have been physically separated for 7 weeks now.
During this time: (1) I've been doing the LRT which is also a 180 for me. (2) I only called my W when I absolutely needed to which was about twice a week. The conversations did not involve any R talk and I kept them short, unemotional and to the point. (3) I have also been working on detaching and learning to do the things she would normally be responsible for. This also resulted in less telephone calls to her. (4) I have my D on the weekends where I spend the whole time with her doing all kinds of things to keep her mind off the Seperation. We have been acting like tourists in our own town, going on tours, visiting museums, going to events, etc. (5) I have also been working on myself. Bought a completely new wardrobe, went out a lot (but no dating), exercising, new hairstyle, etc. (6) I bought a house which I will move into in a couple of months. (7) Started to feel good about myself. Being physically separated from the chaos was a good thing.
During the 7 weeks I basically worked on detaching, behaved as if we were Divorced and was moving on. This was not an act this was my mindset. I only gave a small hope to reconciliation and felt it would only be a possibility a couple of years down the road after my W came out of the MLC.
One week after I moved out my W presented me with a Seperation Agreement which she put together herself. Since she wanted to keep the house and all its contents the agreement stated that she would make a transfer payment to me. I would be left with equal assets but mostly in cash and my car. She would have the rest. I told her that's fine but I wanted to get a lawyer to formalize it. I dropped off the agreement to her on the 7th week. The spirit of the agreement hadn't changed from her original submission.
I called her a couple of days later on another matter. During that call she started talking about the agreement and broke down and cried about how she was going to afford the payment to me. She would have to re-mortgage the house which is a big change since we were living debt free for a while. She cried about how long it would take to pay off the mortgage and how she wouldn't have much money for many years. She talked about how things were supposed to be getting better at this stage of her life and this would be a big step back. This was a bit of a shock to me since she put together the numbers seven weeks ago. She is an accountant so I assumed she new what she was doing at the time. Things must be sinking in.
I was very supportive on the phone and explained separation is tough. I told her that together we pooled our resources to cover all the bills and expenses and savings. Now things are divided in half and each must handle his/her own expenses. I asked her if she wanted to get together to re-look at the numbers and try to come up with a plan fro her that was not so bleak. She agreed and we met immediately at a coffee shop.
When we met she didn't discuss the agreement. Instead she talked about how much she missed me and thought about calling me to go out on a date. I told her that if she asked I would go. She said she will. This was a shock to me as I assumed my W wasn't thinking about me that much.
There is a girl at one of the old places I worked that really liked me and my wife knows, I had told her. Nothing ever happened as I never considered being unfaithful. However, my wife was really concerned that I had been dating this girl during our 7 week separation. I never had any plans to. I told my wife I was not pursuing any dating I was presently focusing on our D. I asked if she was seeing anyone and she said no. This was a shock to me as I assumed my W was other men (based on typical MLC behavior) and wouldn't care who I was with.
My W told me how impressed she was of the many things I was doing with our D. She likes the fact that I was doing things and recommended getting friends. She said she separated because she didn't want me to be mad at her for doing everything in our marriage and expecting her to contribute when she did not have the desire. I believe during the last two years of our M every time I did something nice for her it made her feel guilty rather than happy because she wasn't reciprocating as much. Even though I tried to do everything in our M to make things nice for her it must of come across as a big ball of pressure on her. Not the result either of us wanted. She mentioned numerous times during our meeting that she misses me and wants to go out on dates but she doesn't want me to stay in limbo waiting for her. I think that if I say I am waiting for her (which is maybe want she wants deep down) it just comes across again as that ball of pressure on her. She almost started talking about our future a couple of times but stopped short.
Could she be out of replay and trying to reconnect? I thought this would take a couple of more years. Anyways we'll see if she calls for that date. I know MLC is a roller coaster ride so I will take the meeting with a grain of salt and keep working on the LRT and myself.
