As you know, I told her last week that she was now responsible for her own cellphone (I cut hers off at 8:30am last Tuesday; she had a new one by 1pm that same day), her own credit card payment, her own Botox, her own EVERYTHING other than hers and the boys NEEDS (not "wants").
She keeps asking me "what my system is" for paying her BILL, and "where is it?" and I keep saying "It comes in the mail, every month, addressed to you," and "my system is, I open all the bills, I proritize them, and I pay them until the money runs out -- that's my system." I even left for her, ON HER DINNER PLATE one week ago, a "late notice" from her credit card company, and although it didn't contain the balance or mailing address, she could easily call them and find that information out.
Her most recent full statement is sitting in plain view on our dining room table.
She's in denial that this is now her responsibility, but I've absolutely washed my hands of it. It's HER credit rating that will be affected if she can't keep up with her payments, and the fact that she's more concerned with how to fit BOTOX into her monthly budget than she is in locating -- and paying -- her credit card bill just shows how far gone she is.
So are the two of you going to live together for now? Do you want that? LFL
No, I don't, but I will not leave my own house, nor my boys. So for now, I am here, much to her chagrin, and as soon as I have proof of her doing something HORRIBLE and/or IRRESPONSIBLE, or if any pattern develops in that regard, I will ask HER to leave.
In the meantime, I will "shine", as NOP puts it, being the best dad, the best man, and the best Choc. that I can be.
She is defintely living in the moment, to her great detriment. How is she going to buy a house, car, whatever, if her credit is horrid? She is going to be eaten alive by interest. I'd let her figure that out the hard way I guess. She is a grown woman and should know at least some of this stuff by now. Yikes. LFL
I'm sure she won't leave the house, (unless she finds someone else to support her) and it certainly doesn't sound like OM can do it. What a joke. I can't believe she is even factoring in botox and stuff when she can't even pay her basic bills. LFL
Boy, talking about not living in reality. I can't believe the list - botox, nails and hair colour? That's her priorities - wholly crap!
And I thought my H didn't know what reality was
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, she did go from living with Daddy to living with me, at age 24-1/2, so maybe she never did live out that stage of her life, who knows.
She is obviously counting on living in this house until it is sold, and then being set up in another one (house or condo) afterward, complete with alimony and child support. Hence the "alimony" scribblings in the margins, and the lack of a "rent" itemized line in her "budget."
Is she counting on child support, or is she counting on leaving the kids with you? I didn't see anything related to children in that budget either. Maybe you'll get through this without a custody battle after all.
If she wants to party, why would she want to drag the kids along?
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
I'm quite sure she is hoping for custody, and therefore child support, and will be shocked if I fight her for it. I'm still hoping it won't come to that, but I'm prepared to fight for my boys if her inappropriate behavior gets any worse, or if any other destructive patterns develop from this addiction.
Speaking of addiction . . .
I think the lost Mrs. Choc. has become addicted to her cellphone. This, from a guy who gets repeatedly teased and accused of being addicted to his BlackBerry, but I'm dead serious. She is OBSESSED with it.
She carries it with her everywhere. She spends her free time reading the instruction manual to it. She takes it with her to the bathroom. It's the last thing she checks before she goes to bed, and the first thing she checks when she rolls out of bed in the morning. She carries her CHARGER with her everywhere as well, and "tops off" the phone anytime its charge falls below 3/4.
I think she is addicted, in the truest sense of the word, to receiving the messages that she receives from OM on there. I'm sure some of them are sexual (I've seen some, before I stopped snooping, that indicated as much, and also some that indicated they might be having phone sex), and some are probably logistics of "when do you get off of work" and such, but I think most of them are pure, unadulterated VALIDATION OF HER EGO, at a time when she's especially needing that. Stroke, stroke, stroke, all day and into the night, feeding the Princess and her sense of entitlement.
How disgusting.
So how am I reacting to this? I'M HAVING FUN WITH IT! I'm MESSING WITH HER, and enjoying the pure comic farce of it all. For example, last night, I was on the couch, on my computer, and to her eye looking like I'd be at it awhile. She said "I'm going to bed, I'm tired and I have to get up real early tomorrow," and she turns in. I waited about 2-3 minutes, and then abruptly came to bed. She was messing with her phone, saying she was "trying to charge it," and then -- out of the blue -- announces that "I have to go put some clothes in the dryer," and gets out of bed in the dark and starts to leave the bedroom. Well, I wanted to know if she was taking her cellphone with her, or -- more accurately -- I wanted to make her have to WORK at it, so I said "can you turn on the light on before you leave?" Rather than just DO it, she said "Why?" I said "because my covers are all messed up, and I can't see what I'm doing." She hesitated once more, and then finally put the light on for me, and I could see that her phone was in her hand. How pathetic. She then went out, I could hear her putting on the dryer, and then she went into the bathroom that's near the laundry room where she remained for a good 5-7 minutes, no doubt frantically typing out a "He came to bed, I have to go!" message and waiting for her loving reply before coming back to bed, cellphone in hand.
It gets better.
Not 3 minutes later, the dryer beeper goes off, as I was waiting to see how long it would be on because she NEVER comes to bed while the dryer is on, as she's OCD about "fires". So I said "the dryer's going off already?" and she said "I just needed to put my work socks in there for tomorrow morning."
Well, I just went and checked what is in the dryer, and it's a full load of our family's dark clothes, her work sox nowhere to be found. She merely took a load that was already in there, already done, and put them on for another 5 minutes, flopped the washing machine lid loudly a time or two, then went into the bathroom, did her text-messaging, and then came back to bed.
A second example is this morning. She rises from bed, IMMEDIATELY grabs her cellphone from the nightstand, and comes out into the kitchen and goes into the powder room again. So I got up, came out to make the coffee, and then was waiting for her outside the bathroom door (we often do this in our family when one has to go real bad, and the other one comes out, and we yell "Next!", so I did that with humor). Well, she jumped about a foot and looked like she had seen a ghost, and tried to hide her cellphone.
If I'm going to get thru this period, I might as well have some fun with it, and I want to make her work for her addiction, so she can -- hopefully, one day -- look back and see how bizarre and pathetic her behavior was. I wonder what she would do if that phone suddenly went bad, OMG, she'd be like a crack whore without a fix.
Wait a minute. You two are still sleeping in the same bed when it is clear she is in the midst of an A? I figured you were doing a "War of the Roses" type scenario where you had the house blocked off with his side/her side. Maybe Nop is advising you to keep things as normal as possible? I don't understand that though. I'd be in my own bed if my S was not acting like we were M. But that is me. I give you some major credit for being able to pull that one off. And about the phone...I'd be tempted to hide that sucker just to see her go ape sh!t. LFL
They make great fishing weights for lake fishing...and they bounce rather well...sort of, when thrown. Maybe Choc could test to see if her phone can stand the wash/rinse cycle. Mine didn't, but who knows?
