I haven't checked my email today,but I got the other one the other day. Whenever H is not around Ow he seems to make more contact w/ me. I hope he really takes this time while he is so far away to reflect on us. That is if she isn't continuously contacting him. She sounds needy and I wonder when he will get tired of this. I have not called him not even once and he did say he did not take his charger so I have only responded to his inital IM'ng contacts. On his second call to tell me he was taking off last nite , I let D7 his fav.) to answer it. I laughed at what she said she told him to tell them to turn the plane back b/c she wanted to see him. This is the one who truly adores/worships her dad.
Hey Hs & LadyDi!
Have you heard some of us here r meeting for a get togther in Orlando,FL this August!!! Do try to come guys! Let's try to meet.
WOW! That would be fun. Its far to, for me. I would have to fly. I live in Texas.
When in August? School starts for us in August.
You mention the neediness in the OW/. I read somewhere on here that a huge element to A are the knight in shining armour rescuing the damsel in distress.
I honestly think these men mistake pity for feelings. So once that is over there is nothing real to sustain the relationship and it crashes.
Now what I do not understand is why they can not see they are needed at home. That I just do not get at all.
I know that I do a lot on my own though. So I need to try and ask my H for more help. He seemed in good spirits today since it was because of him that we have cold air in the house again. It was funny how he called from the store and went over the different water pumps with me over and over. He can be so cute. I love that man.
I know I will get some 2x4's ,but i guess I started to ponder on H's OW last smart move w/ my girls anI let it get the best of me. So, I maybe wrong or mistaken,but last nite my D10 replied to her dad' email/pictures of him in Ecuador & isaw he was on line via IM,but does not know I have several diff. IM addressess and he quickly "signed off". I checked under another screen name & indeed he was still on and for a good while so he could of replied our D10 who was patiently waiting for his reply. Iguess he was too busy chatting w/his woman.
Here it comes what I did next just now- I emailed him back from his morning email on my regular work email where he asked if I was still alive and asked about his girls (what an act). I responded the follwing: You know I have several diff. AIM adressess & I can see if your "hiding or blocking me". If you only wanted to chat w/ your woman you could of said you were too busy.BUT your daugh di respond to your email and waited for your reply. As i saw when you"signed off" as I got on. I could still tell w/minutes you were still online. So, I got the message you needed not to hear from us.
BTW, I see the kind of woman you like the kind who will show of pictures of (not mommy) showing affection to their dad! I am over it. Now nothing surprises me anymore coming from you that way I don't set myself up for any hurt.
You & I both know I don't "need" a lieing,cheating husband. I am a pretty still youig woman who can get any man I want. Pleae don't tell me your confused when all you have shown me is she is your number one priorty.
I let him know the reason I did not want him to have the girls on his umpcoming Bdya weekend is b/c I know she will throw him a party and the girls will be surrounded by strangers and drinking. That is also the days I asked for a vacation to meet my cousins in Busch Gardens(last time we were there it was our honeymoon). I was planning on taking the girls,but instead I added that the more I think about it maybe it will be nice if I go on a "honeymoon" myself & Heck it will be the same place as my first homeymoon!! What a coincidence!!
I know not good as far as DB'ng!! Go ahead let me have it.......... Here I was telling him about good last interactions before he left on his trip & I do this.....
Yup...not a good move Chicki. Do you want to save your M? I'm not being flip. It is a serious question. Some don't. They want to act like they do...but in the end...they don't. Do you?
If you do, I'm going to throw you out a new rule - the 48 hour rule. I followed it sometimes...but not always. Had I always followed it, I think I could be in a far different place right now. Instead I let my emotions get a hold on me and reacted to things I should not have.
There was a time when I found out that my W had started up her A again. I could feel her coming back to me at the time but I was hurt and I confronted it. That was the turning point. Everything went down hill fast from there. If I had taken 48 hours, talked to some people and calmed down...maybe I would have kept my mouth shut and maybe her A would have ran it's course and maybe she would have started to find her way back to me. ooops.
I'm not beating myself up because she is the one who was having the A in the first place, that was her choice and I think my reaction to it was more than fair. But it was not a choice that was going to save my M.
So do me a favor, if you are the type to speak your mind, shoot from the hip and wear your heart on your sleeve...do everything you can to stop. I wish I did more.
WHen your right your right! I hope this doesn't set me too far back. How do we LBS get by w/out every now & then just letting them hear us out? I was doing good in keeping my mouth shut & I even planted him a big one before he left & him knowing that I had just found out. I guess seeing my D10 so excited to write her first email & daddy not responding, well it hurts..thats all
You know Chicki I have done similar things and I although I have no idea what is going on with my H and his thing. I will say this. I should not have said anything becasue it was already on the decline.
Now I am stuck here wondering. But you know what, I have faith he will come to his senses and remember what we have. So I no longer say anything. He doesn't really live here anymore although all his clothes are here with the exception of a few work items and some shoes. He sleeps elsewhere. He told me he would "float." I am going to keep DBing to see where it gets me.
Next time you have an urge to send something like that. Just type it out and hit delete.
You don't think he could have been logged on then walked away from his computer for awhile?
You vent it here Chicki...not to him. I know it is not the same but it is as close as you are going to get. That is what we are here for. If that doesn't work, you call a friend, you go for a run, hit a punching bag, get drunk....something, anything...but not that.
I say this because I have been there Chicki. I know it is hard and you will slip up...but you have to minimize them.
As soon as he signed off I signed off to check under the other screen name (w/in minutes/seconds) & he had not moved for another hour or so. Why send the pictures if the first place?
Anywho.....no more sense in trying to analize it all..
detach..detach.... i need to do it more and get there again
I like the idea of praying for the OW. That shows a generous spirit. I'm afraid I'm not quite there yet, but I'll give it some thought.
I like your style of DB'ing. It doesn't seem to be straight from the book, mind you. For instance, you pretty much say what's on your mind, just as feisty as you please, and your H doesn't seem to dislike it. He seems to like a good knock down drag out. You've got the jealousy factor working for you, too. You're definitely doing something right in that area. I don't know what in the world he's doing having an affair, when he's clearly so attracted to you. Your sitch is different from so many others, because there is tremendous jealousy and attraction, as well as possessiveness, on his part. Sometimes it seems that the OW has turned into the wife (now she's the one who likes to sit around with the guys watching sports?) and you've become the girlfriend. I bet he's totally confused.
Even if you don't send him your bathing suit picture, I hope you won't miss any occasions for strutting around in it in front of him--in the most casual and innocent way, of course. Sun bathe with the straps down. All very wholesome.
I guess I somehow skipped over the part where you kind of let H have it. I wonder what his response has been to that--no response?
It may turn out to be a very minor setback.
What would you say works the best with him? Do you think he's just wallowing in the attention of two women, playing one against the other? He certainly doesn't act serious about divorce. Does he respond better to your flirting or to your coolness? Does he like it when you speak your mind frankly, or when you act sweet and give him lots of affirmation? What works for you? I know it's hard to organize your thoughts when you're going through something like this, but there may be some kind of pattern to his behavior, and you can keep doing what works.
