Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? It is finally out, he wants a D

can you do basic cable? Do you have high speed internet? You can get a lite version through most cable companies or do dial up. I know it's not convenient but it might help.

In our sitch, I have not retained a L but I have talked to one. We're close to the same sitch - he doesn't want anything, but he doesn't even want shared parenting...

I have basic cable, and switched from $25 a month for dial up to $16 a month for DSL-verizon had a special at the time.

NO shared parenting? Ouch. He may hate me but he loves his kids and is a good father-when he's around that is.

I consulted with a lawyer 2 yrs ago when we were separated. They are mean and aggressive. The business I guess. I saw a sign for a $295 divorce, my friend did it and he was separated for something like 15 yrs and couldn't afford to finish the divorce until he called them. My H says it shouldn't cost much because we aren't disputing stuff. Like that matters in the cost!! It'll be expensive no matter what. They don't want the case if they can't make a bundle on it and ruin our lives more.

If you could agree and you want it - most counties will let you file w/o a lawyer.

I'm not saying he's a bad father - I just don't think he wants the full responsibility or he knows I'd never go for it...

There may or may not be a presumption in favor of shared custody in PA. If there is, it is probably very difficult to fight it. You need to consult with a lawyer to see if you have a chance if that is really what you want to do.

You need to consult with a lawyer to see if what H is offering is a good deal or not. If it is, snap it up if you are really going to get D. Time will not make H more generous, but less.

But, depending on your earning power, don't be so sure it is a good deal. He may still owe child support even if you do shared custody, 50-50. See, for instance: http://www.divorcesource.com/PA/ARTICLES/pollock5.html

That being said, once you consult with a lawyer, if it is a good deal and you and H can agree on custody arrangements, then there are do-it-yourself resources for simple, straightforward Ds.

Just be sure to be informed about your legal position before going along with whatever H says.

Hi Hs,

Brandnewday asked me to come over for a visit. So here I am.

There must be something in the water in PA. My ex is from State College.

Anyway, the first thing is to find a lawyer that you both like and trust. They are out there. Then I would tell him upfront that you have no money for a divorce. There is a petition that they can file with the court to get your husband to pay (at least for the retainer), but I don't think they can do this unless he has filed for divorce or you have been served. Once you talk to a lawyer they'll explain all that you need to know. The other thing is that if you can agree on an equitable division it really shouldn't cost all that much. Your husband sounds as if he's bullying you. Make sure you understand EVERYTHING before you agree!

As far as custody goes, I would certainly check out the link that oldtimer posted so that you are at least familiar with PA laws before you go to a lawyer.

Document everything. List whatever questions you have and don't agree to anything until you have consulted a lawyer.

If you need anything else or just need some support, I post over in surviving.

I know that this is hard and it's so overwhelming. Believe it or not, when the divorce is over and done, it will be a relief and you will be happy again. Living in limbo is the worst place to be!

Take care............

Love,
Bethie

Hi HSS !

I am sorry to read about your ongoing sitch. Not all of us are complete jerks btw.. anyway.. one other resource you may have available to you locally is through your local bar association.

I do this here and we have a " Volunteer Legal Services" Program that is associated with the Bar Association. Basically, it is a group of attorneys that take on cases pro bono ( for free) as a service to the community.

Tom

Thanks all. Just a few things. H has less income than I do. Not by much though since I pay family medical and dental from my job as he has none available.

That follows that I have no $ for a lawyer and neither does he. For the last year or more he has only given me $200 a week from his check. Barely enough left for anything after that.

Consulted with a lawyer when this all started 2 yrs ago after I found out he had done so. But H doesn't want anything except 50% of the custody so he won't have to pay me. We have a mortgage but I am guessing that he is thinking since I get to keep the house free and clear of him that he'll expect me to pay it in full even though it is in both names. We'll see I guess.

I do not want a divorce and will not sign anything. I will make him wait and suffer. However, he is a procrastinator and I will be very surprised if he does anything legal like anytime in the near future. This is the 3rd time he has told me he wasn't staying. The first was Dec 05. Oct 06, day after our 18th anniversary. Dec 06. Was staying until after xmas that time. One night I told him to leave. Before xmas. But he is still here. The original separation was 6/05. When he returned I said the only thing I wanted was honesty and communication so I didn't get a bomb dropped again. SURPRISE! Told me nothing, had I not confronted him he would've just told me as he was moving his stuff-or maybe afterwards. Said he would do it while the kids were at school--clueless as usual, he told me this when the kids had 1 full day of school left, the next day. DUH. He is in for a rude awakening.

Looked at the link Oldtimer. Can anyone translate it into english???????

I make more than him but out of my check comes medical and dental that he does not have. So our checks in the end are just about even. He says he will pay 1/2 of their medical and dental and get his own. As well as 1/2 of their daycare costs. They will be having a babysitter for July and Aug while school is out that he has paid from his ck in the past. There is no way I can even pay half of that. But the kids are too young to be alone, and he would never allow it. He reminded me of a day my son and I were home sick and I left my D7 walk to school alone. He will NEVER forget it or forgive me for it he says. He brought up many incidents he is mad about. I told him it is pointless, like I couldn't do the same to him. I would not lower myself to it.

But what about things like clothes? He has never bought a stitch of clothing for the kids ever. Or shoes, coats, etc, etc., etc. Do I now still continue to purchase these and bill him half for them?

Sorry, this all SUCKS!!! I will scream it from the rooftops!

And sorry, didn't mean to imply all lawyers were nasty. That is just the impression I got, go get him. And that is what everyone tells you as well, "take him for all he's got that bastard!". Like you can get blood from a stone. My luck they'll have me paying him! Over my dead body!!!!!!!

How do I get in contact with this lawyer pro bono thing when the time comes?

Today was S11's b-day party. Sometimes a fight time. But it was good. I went with the flow. A few things bothered me but I kept to myself. Had let H plan the whole thing, which is always a wrong move. Everything was last minute and no invites so only our neighbor's boys came, no other friends. But they had a good time anyway. F-in law came over and we had a big meal with some relatives and friends.

On a side note, I wore a halter top and H was all over me. He started with the same thing he said in the past, that it wasn't right. I told him anytime. I have no problems with that. Win-Win I figure. This gives me hope that at some point he will cave as he did previously. He said that that part of our relationship was never a problem. I said no, only my personality is. He commented that we don't get along which I totally disagree with. He may not think he gets along with me but I say I get along with him. Guess everything is how you look at it. Half empty or half full.