Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy My wife is falling in love with OM - II

Next,
I think, as sh!tty as it is for you to hear, it is good that she talked to you. Your W is probably trying to drive you a little crazy. Not that her having an A is not making you nuts already. I think the next time this occurs you play hard to get. Let her know that you are not easy either and somehow make her think that she is going to have to work for you to get you in the sack again. I read, and ladies correct me if this wrong, but they like a little bit of a challenge when it comes to this area.

What are your plans for this weekend? What are you going to do for yourself? How are you keeping your PMA going?

Your are a great man and father, you don't deserve any of this.

-ERC

I worry that she doesn't have any desire to get in the sack with me. I tried to play it cool, although the whole time i wanted to grab her and kiss her myself. How can that be? Is that possible, is that how women work? I'm thinking I need to be a little more confident and alpha around her, and go a little darker. Anyone else have any feedback on the whole conversation I had with my wife from last night?

I'm not going to bring up the conversation again, unless she brings it up. If so i am thinking about saying 'i felt a little strange talking to you last night, like I was your gay friend hearing about your night. Then I remembered I can make you orgasm in 40+ ways, and fell right to sleep.'


ERC - You are right, I need to come up with some plans for the weekend. Again I think I need to go darker on her. I'm thinking about maybe going to get some drinks tonight with a friend, and hopefully its a nice day on saturday and i can take the new boat out. There is a poker run/riddle thing going on on saturday, so depending on the weather and my schedule i'm thinking about doing that.

Sunday is father's day. So that should be interesting. For my birthday I got nothing, and I got the bomb dropped on me. So i'm sure fathers day should be fun, maybe i'll get served papers.

While i could still use some help with the situation on how to handle my wife treating me like a buddy and not a husband, i have more excitment to deal with.

New update concerning seperation plans. My wife talked to my 15 yr old stepdaughter, and she was uncomfortable with the idea of staying in the house when my wife was gone. So, now my wife is frustrated again, because she is stuck again. She said 'i'm tired of this, i just want to finish it and be done with it.' I think its more of a fact that she has to deal with the fact she has a teenage daugther and can't simply live the single life 50% of the time. I'm not sure how see approached talking to my step daughter about it, or if she explained what the other options were. Its one thing to say 'no i don't want to' when asked about something, but its another when handed 3 equally crappy options and told to choose 1. I'll be honest i'm a little hurt she wouldn't want to stay in the house when her mom was not here, but I can totally understand, and would not force the subject with her.

I have no idea what is going to come of this. I'm tired of it. I love my wife with all my heart, but to have her continually hurt me with biting comments and her disregard for my feelings is not something I signed up for.

I'm going out to get sloppy drunk. I'm done with this. My wife can go do whatever she wants. I'm moving on.

Go for it, just take cab fare! Drink a margarita for me.

Thanks yoyo. I'm 4 drinks in. i'll be sure to have a margarita for you.

Tonight, i took my little girls to their ballet recital. Afterwards my wife suggests getting them dinner. So i say "how about the tgi fridays" she says "you don't want to go there" Apprarently the guy she is having an affair with has a friend that works there, and its a big hang out place for him.


FU** WHat the H3LL.

TGI fridays. I was 22 hanging out at tgi fridays.

If she wants to be with him, whatever.. I'm done. I don't have anything else in me. I love my kids, i tried so hard to keep it all together., But i can't do it anymore.

TGIFRIDAYS. FVCK.

I'm done. I'm going to rent a lakefront house somewhere next week, I can't deal with it anymore. I'm a good man, i'm a good father, i'm a good provider, If she wants tgifridays she can have it.

She was turned on and she was trying to turn you on.

So i ended up drinking way to much, and getting a little to crazy. Fun night, but I woke up on my friends couch with a blanket wrapped around me at 8am.

I got up and drove home expecting some BS from my wife about it. (in all my years i've never not come home, also i didn't call her or text her my plans) At first she asks if i 'just' got home. I say yeah, i didn't want to drive last night. She leaves the room.

She then text messages me - you okay? and 10 minutes later brings me down a cup of coffee.


Then my little girls had their ballet recital. I almost cried I was so proud of them. I know every dad says this, but my kids are the cutest two girls on the planet. I'll have to put some pictures up at some point for you guys.

Other then some times when she was frustrated about things (which i was able to just roll off my back) she has been nice to me all day, so I'm just sitting here and not sure what to do. I am still done with this situation. I'm tired of being the husband she doesn't know she wants, while she dates a guy that hangs out at the TGI Fridays with his buddies.

I don't know.

One part of me says I just tell her to "f** off" and have fun with this guy.

Then a big part of me thinks that monday at Family therapy i have the opportunity to say calmly that 'she can be confused for as long as she wants' I just want to move on with the seperation ASAP.

Another part of me says to sleep on it for another week or two. Maybe my acceptance to this crap is just what my situation needs right now.

Hey NS4U,

You have just worked out the secret incredient in managing your sitch.

As I have mentioned before in earlier posts, the key is to let her go, detach and go dark. I have read so many sitches, success stories, books etc on what we are going through, and in each case once the LBS really does let go and GAL's, the tide does turn.

I have been doing this for a few weeks now, and with the exception of W this morning bringing up "pick up and drop offs of DD" in the D papers she is preparing, she has not brought up anything else.

This is after I was dolled up last night, going out on a date (I did not disclose anything to her, but I think she definatley would have worked it out). She seems to try to throw a spanner in the works every time I look like I am having fun and moving on.

But I have let everything she has said or done slide, and do not give it a second thought (for my own PMA). I too have moments when I wish things were different, and other times I wish she would just leave with OM and give me peace. It is normal to go through these emotions.

So we had planned on renting a place for our seperation that my wife and I would go back and forth from so our kids would stay in the same house. Our family counselor suggested it, if we felt our seperation was a 'exploratory' seperation.

At first i was okay with this, but two things happened.

1. My wife came home late (4:30 or so) Sunday morning, and then for fathers day, she was a total b*tch to me. Now, i got up with the girls, got them ready, took them grocery shopping (because we had no food), and made them breakfast and lunch. I'm tired of being treated like i'm doing something wrong. I am not the one leaving the family for a 26 yr old. Oh and guess what I got for fathers day. (NOTHING). I finally said, for fathers day i want to take the girls to my favorite pizza place, i said you can come if you want. Well we ended up all going together, and actually had a good time.

2. Friday night after a ballet recital for my kids (we drove together), my wife suggests dinner. So i say lets just go to the 'tgifridays' right here. She says 'you don't want to go there.' Apparently OM has a friend that works there and its a big hang out place for him. TGIfridays.

It sounds stupid, but its the straw the broke the camels back. If my wife wants to date a guy that hangs out at a TGI Fridays, fine. I honestly hope she finds happiness, but i'm not going to sit around and hope for her to come back to me while she explores a relationship with another man (especially one that hangs out at tgifridays). All these WAWs feel like they have us to fall back on. I'm done, she made her decisions, I'm better than that.

I told her yesterday night before dinner, that I understand that she is confused right now (based on her telling me that recently), but i can't do it anymore, her words and her actions are saying different things to me. I am tired of feeling like I did something wrong, when I haven't done anything wrong.(when she gets in a funk because she is 'stuck' in our relationship). I just want the best for the kids, and i need to move on. I told her I hope she finds happiness, and her and him end up happy together.

I told her I probably would be able to rent a house that is going to be available on the 1st of July. I told her i am thinking I'll just move there. She then said 'why do you get to move out, and get new furniture, etc', I replied 'this is really hard on me, i don't want any of this, but you made your decision. I just need to move forward. If you want to go rent a place instead, fine. If not, then i have to.'


So we had dinner together at my favorite pizza place, the kids were angels, we had a few drinks, and actually had a great time.

Afterwards, my wife and I were talking at the house (a little tipsy), and I asked her if she ever thought we were making a big mistake. She paused, and said maybe, but she talked to her counselor and her counselor said 'whats the worst that can happen? you leave, you realize you made a mistake and then you come back to your husband and ask his forgiveness, and then he either takes you back or not... You have to live with the consequences though if he says no.'.

Honestly, the longer this goes on the less I respect her. I deserve a lot better. So i need out for my own sanity. We LBS are too nice, i'm not going to sit around and watch as my wife 'explores' a relationship with another man. I love my wife, I want more than anything for my family to stay together, but i'm not going to be compared to another man and hope to be the one that comes out on top. My wife made her decisions, and now she has to live with them. She will either be happy with him, or she will realize what a big mistake she made, either way it doesn't really concern me anymore.

I am not really angry, and I'm not going to allow this change in my attitude to affect the way i deal with my wife. I am still going to treat her well, i am still going to stick to the same boundaries with her as far as what i'll talk about and what i won't. I just need to get my space from this situation.