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KS you're gonna make me cry at work if you keep that up...

See that's the thing -- if they do have it on the 21st, it's set for 8:30 in the morning. I won't be able to go to work after that

KS,

Just some quick advice - I am in a rush, so forgive me if I sound curt:

1 - You need a L to at least review the agreement. Find the money, even if it means putting it on your CC. You MUST protect yourself.

2 - "I hate this, blah blah blah" Yeah, we know. Get over it. It's happening, so you've got to take control of your side of it and do what you need to do for yourself and D.

I'm a little ahead of you, KS, in that we've almost finished negotiating. I actually felt better once I accepted that it was happening and took charge.

~Nicola

Thanks for the pep talk......and allowing me to express my feelings. Means a lot.

(((KS)))

Obviously, I should have waited till I got back from my appt (now) and had more time.

I am telling you this b/c I was where you are three months ago, and this is what has worked for me. I am no longer dreading the D, even though it was not what I wanted.

Of course you can express your feelings! The problem I see is that you are not just expressing them, you are reinforcing them with your negative focus. Instead of focusing on what you hate about this, focus on what you have to do. Fill your mind up with your To Do list so you don't have room for emotions.

KS, you don't need a pep talk. What do you want me to say? Hey, don't worry about it! Of course he'll change his mind and all will be well, so just put the D out of your mind. I won't lie to you. It may happen that way, and I hope it does, but you must prepare yourself for the worst.

In a D situation, YOU NEED A LEGAL OPINION. I don't care how nice, fair, honest your H is, you need to take care of yourself. Not all L's are sharks. Mine is great - he does not want to go to court unless absolutely necessary. We are trying to do everything w/ a mediator (that's the law here, anyway). But still, he will review the agreement. I know you're sad, but this is the rest of your life and your D's life we're talking about here. Many women make the mistake of trusting the men who are D'ing them and get burnt. That's the last thing you need.

I do care about you, KS, but caring doesn't always mean giving you what you want - it's about giving you what you need.

Blessings,
Nicola

Get's my vote for best post of the day.

Great post.

Well folks - my plan is to see the agreement that he and his L work up and use my free consult (working on finding one) to have it reviewed....

And sometimes what a person really REALLY needs is simply to be heard and offered compassion. Barking at someone to "get over it" when feelings are new and raw is a sucky way to treat people, imho. I realize this stage is part of your past, but it's a new one to her.

Great start.

But the best advise you have gotten so far was prepare yourself for the worst. That way nothing but positives can come out of it.

You are going to be just fine.