Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? What % of our WAS have someone else?

You're absolutely right. I just remembered a girlfriend who did something that cost her custody of her son. I guess it does go both ways.

Well, I don't think this is a gender issue, it's more of a selfish issue. There is no reason or an excuse they can give for walking away and breaking the covenant of marriage when God already said no.

This is a sin problem. Sin is very enticing, if the real truth was known about sin and the out come, we would run the other way! But instead it's packaged in an attractive box with a beautiful bow that lead to the destruction of the household and destroying families. Which ultimately leads to the moral decline of our society that's happening right before our eyes!

up

Mine seems to have two on the go now, the original om from the bomb days is back in the picture and they are going away for a few days together next week. Don't know what the other om thinks about this. I reckon she's got to fall in a screaming heap sooner or later. nopt sure if I'll be willing to help her the way I'm feeling about all this currently.

Still no reason for me to get back on the drink. Well done Jack with your sobriety getting near 1 1/2 years for me.

All my w's actions are really helps me with detaching.

good luck. Paul

So what do we do if there is a reconciliation? Do we act like all those infidelities do not matter because they occured during a "break" or do we hash it out in counseling. Part of me does not want to know and part of me thinks it will eat at me if I never really find out??? I think my mother always knew about my Dad's affairs but chose to look in the other direction. I truly have no idea! My husband could be a monk or a slut, he is so quiet how would I know?

mkultra,
I don't really know how to handle that. I do think it definitly matters. I don't think my W has another right now, she just doesn't know what she wants right now (i think a little MLC). I think in your sitch knowing would be worse then not knowing. I think if you knew, it would still eat at you. At least it would be for me. I used to do the snooping stuff looking at emails and stuff but I never found anything and I realized it isn't worth it and just stopped. As far as reconciliation, I do wonder, when and if we straighten things out, how do we move on from there? Do I just forget about everything that has happened between us and go on. I know that all of us have been hurt pretty bad and just hiding those feelings will just eat at us. Maybe that is what this board is for. We can get support through each other.

If there is reconcilitiation and they have had ifidelities during the "break" I think that is something each individual has to decide for themselves about how to handle. Myself, I think I will be hurt but not enough to never be with her. If it was done while we were physically living together, that would be a whole different story. I would rather know if we get back together, the wondering would be what would end up driving me insane, finding out I could at least handle quicker than going thru a lifetime with my wife and not knowing. Just my thoughts.
Then again, maybe I am just trying to convince my self of this.

When I snooped I found things that could have gone either way and he always had an answer. Why was there a restaraunt bill for $40? Who are you texting so much? Why didn't you return my call this morning? He would always have valid answers, but I felt suspicious. Again, he could be a real lonely guy or a cheating bastard. I know from our past as friends he was alone and celibate for a long time. He is like one of those guys who had a hard time finding a girlfriend. My mom sees him at work and says he acts so dumb about women because he would never think a girl would like him so he is nice to everyone. Sometimes I think this separation is an excuse for him to test he waters without feeling guilty. Now I know he feels really guilty. These kinds of obsessive thoughts are really bad for me so sometimes I want to throw in the towel.

I thought you were describing me for a moment...

I wish my H was into DBing! Your W is lucky you are doing all the hard work!