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Reiki is not a massage, though I have to say that after the treatment I felt better than I ever have after a massage. Reiki is a form of spiritual/energy cleansing. Emotions and actions and thoughts have energy, and those little bits of energy cling to us. I've been holding on to all sorts of cr@p that isn't mine, and the reiki treatment was a way of releasing it.

I think it started in Japan; it's one of those Eastern practices that I don't quite understand, used to make fun of, and now totally buy into because I see it working. Placebo? Perhaps, but if it's working, who cares? The research in quantum physics actually supports a lot of what eastern medicine has been claiming for years.

Here's a link that has a much better description than I just gave:

Reiki FAQ

Hope that answers your questions!

SD

Yes, yes folks, I think I am the alien now. I see my husband trying, and it's just not working for me. Of course, I DO speak DB, so I'm at least aware of how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it, so I don't think there's any danger of me becoming a WAS. In a way I kind of like it in that I've got a little window into how he might have been thinking and feeling last summer as the alien. It makes it less sinister and a whole lot more human.

H was gone all last week for a conference, and while I missed him (somewhat) and was happy to see him when he got home, I've found it harder to stay in my happy, peaceful zone when he's around. I love being by myself, choosing my activities, not being scrutinized. His energy is all worried/wiggy, he keeps making comments like, "I should be doing more. Are you okay? It's not all about me."

And while I recognize he's doing this because of what I've said in MC and it's a sign that he's trying, it's annoying me. I want him to just do what he thinks he should do instead of this...it's like he wants me to give him permission to NOT do what I asked him for or something. I don't know...I just know it makes me not want to be around him, hence the alien-ness.

I think what SD needs is some time to herself, maybe a couple of weeks in another country to shrug off the ewwwwy energy of the school year and the DB battle and just get centered. H has encouraged this, has always supported me in these types of things. And I don't THINK I'm running away...I think I'm taking time to deal with me.

I want my M to work out, I really do. I just think that nature has a way of balancing things out (I think it's a physics principle that all things want to be in balance because balance expends the least amount of energy), and the pendulum has swung to the other side this summer. SD is struggling with the M, and H has had a wake up call. So long as this leads us back to center, I think it's a good thing.

Just journaling here. My reiki friend commented that I take energy in very easily, which is good for things like reiki. However, it also means I pick up outside energy on a day to day basis pretty easily as well which tends to drag me down. Explains a lot about why I don't like crowds and prefer being out in nature or by myself!

SD

Soooo....

Wow. Yesterday was graduation for my students. H took time off of work to come to it and take pictures. I loved that he did that and told him that a few times. After that I went to a baby shower for a girl at work, and I ended up going out for the evening with several of them.

I called H and asked if he minded, and he said of course not, go have fun. So, I did. Went out for drinks and got my nose pierced (I'd told H there was a chance I would, made sure he wouldn't find it repulsive.). I've wanted to do that for YEARS!

Anyway, I got home, I was feeling good about H, feeling the "love" so to speak, so I woke him up and made him a very happy boy.

We wake up this morning, he sees the nose ring and says, "Oh! That's kind of cool. Nothing like I expected." And then I found out how he spent his evening....

Friends of ours who have been married for 18 years and have a very young daughter are splitting up. Apparantly, the woman has been having an A, came hold and told our friend, and left him. He's destroyed.

H said he had a really hard time last night, said he would never have expected it to happen to them. I think it opened his eyes to what happened on his part last summer and about what could have happened with me. He was just white. We just hugged each other, and it's helped put a lot of things into perspective for me.

Like, I need to let last summer go. Not forget, but not continue living it. It's not getting me closer to my goal, which is a close, loving R with my husband.

So I will stop being a brat, stop thinking H owes me restitution for my hard work last year. I will do what I know is right to do, I will tell H what I need from him, I will not shut down and become the WAS.

As for our friend, I asked H if he'd mind if I emailed him and suggested a support site for him, AKA DB. H knows I have a site I post on, but no specifics. I asked him to respect my privacy here if his friend happened to mention it. He agreed, and I choose to believe him.

SD

WOO HOO!!!! SD you sound good. Your bit about stopping being a brat and looking for the big apology ... I came to this conclusion too. it would be LOVELY if our WAS's sat us down and said "I am so sorry I hurt you, I was totally wrong" But it rarely happens. It's also worth remembering that they had their own brand of nightmare to get through as well.

So you're right - it's about your aims, not blames. It's the journey, not the destination.

And as for LW - what better revenge on her than for her to see you & your H happy together... hee hee hee, so long bee-ach, your plans came to nothing, you are so insignificant. Hee hee hee

And as for Guatamala - I would LOVE to come, but money won't permit it. I did really think about it a lot though. I'm planning a trip to the US hopefully next year - If I do make it I WANT YOU THERE!!! If you come anywhere near Europe too let me know.

One final interesting fact - you know our sitches have been spookily similar? Well, I used to teach too!!! I was an English teacher to speakers of other languages for about 3 years. Sometimes I miss teaching, I never put on any weight with all the trips to the photocopier, lugging books up flights of stairs etc etc.

Wow, great news, SD! That's the positive, assertive, solution-oriented, amazing woman I remember so well from last summer - it is wonderful to see you back in the game, full steam ahead!

What else can I say to both of you, except - your husbands are two uncommonly lucky men!

What you said about "Like, I need to let last summer go. Not forget, but not continue living it. It's not getting me closer to my goal, which is a close, loving R with my husband.

So I will stop being a brat, stop thinking H owes me restitution for my hard work last year. " will be a reminder for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH for letting me see the light. I don't think I am quite there yet, but almost. THANKS!!!

Umm... SD... wanted to stop by and thank you for your colorful vocab once again. You've made my day w/ the 'f*cktard' comment. Love it. Love your sense of humor. Thanks for the sunshine you bring!

OC: Glad I could help. It was a lesson I had to learn on my own...one of those things where I took a sudden look in the mirror and went EEEEEEK!

Julie: Glad I could entertain. H doesn't appreciate my "colorful vocab" as much as y'all, but that's really his problem and not mine. Glad to see you're doing well despite your cheesed!ck H.

Now that school's out I have to time to really, really focus on me. It has been MAHHHHHVELOUS! I've been going out with new friends, talking with old friends, and I now have time to go to my writing group that I couldn't get to when I was working. I've also signed up for a 6-week writing/self-reflection/metaphysical class one of my friends teaches. Oh, and I'm making some time to hit the beaches this summer...that would be great except for all the "tourists," LOL!

SD

Cool, now we have SDBeachGirl!

Not being a brat, but I'm having a hard time emotionally. I keep waiting for the bomb to drop. I know energy...and I'm feeling it. Nothing to do but keep up my PMA and GAL. I won't do this twice though. But I'm getting all of those alien vibes from H...and well, I'm happy, and I have a life. I'll be okay no matter what.

I hope I'm wrong, but I feel it.

SD