Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Do wonders ever cease?

HM,

Fast wasn't even the word!!! HIGH SPEED train wreck was more like it. I am hesitant but hopeful. I do love him and have an open heart. I think hearing what a MC has to say will help us get started in the right direction.

Mimi

...ask away. It is a book, about wives and how they bring down their house w/their own hands.
My H has many many issues, the MLC was still waining in the background, so was his depression. The new job was a mixed blessing, it gave him a goal and hope for a better position, though it consumed most of his time. Because of it, he didnt' have much time for me, so our piecing was delayed big time (he had to live away during the weekdays for about 6mths).

I was looking back at my posts of 2006, my H came back in April, by June I wanted to pull my hair and was despairing. Things were settleing down but in August I find the motherload of evidence he had a PA and things were double hard for us. By Jan of this year I was still bringing up A realted stuff and he was just begining to have some normalcy. It wasn't until maybe March or so that I saw him relax and more like the person he was when all was ok. So you see, it took almost a year, same time for him to tell me he loved me.

Momof2

I was home and thinking about my post, and realized it was a bit pushy. If you are not confortable w/him back just yet, then listen to your instinct. About asking questions about the A, you are right. I found out, the harder and the more demanding I was, the more my H clammed up. The gentler and patient I was, the more he'd talk about it; my accusatory tone would bring an end to any A convo.

You dont' need to grill him to ask him when the A is over, it is only understandable-- you are not asking for details, you are asking the most basic question which you need to know. THen comes the part when he must agree all contact must be cut, 100%. I've lost count of how many on this board have suffered greatly because the S is unwilling to stop contact the OP. If it was a PA he MUST get himself tested (a delicate subject to bring up but very necesary.)

He has not talked about it the issues that happened last night. He is at the C now. Is the same information about OW in the DR? I never read the DB book. I only ever had the DR book.

I hope we are going in the right direction. He is still questioning the hows of it.

Mom - I am also happy for you. It seems like you and your H are in a great place. I hope it continues. Any info you can offer would be great. I am still updating my thread in Mid Life Crisis. I have put informatoin in there about what happened last night. Would you mind keeping an eye on it and posting when you can help.

I know that this is going to be rough. I have read other threads about them coming back and it seems tough.

Thankyou and good luck Mom
Mimi

Mimi and Cat,
What do I do about ending all contact when H works with OW...that is how it started

Mimi, basically the same info in both books. I will check out your other thread.

Mom
Is it normal for them to still yell during the time where they are thinking about reconnecting.

My H just yelled at me. He went to the house and I forgot to pick up some toys in the playroom and we had a showing today. He just went off on me on the phone.

Will this still happen?

Momof2, that's a tough one, specially with the job market out there, but can he be moved to another office/location? how hard would it be for him to find another job.

mimi, was he always like this? would he yell at you constantly or only when he was really stressed?

Unless you want this to go on, you must stop it now. We decide to work on our M w/the hope that we won't continue the vicious circle we had before . It will happen if you allow it to happen.
I used to raise my voice and talk really fast (it is my "yelling"), so now H tells me "you are yelling" when I do it, in the past he'd just get PO'd and argued back. We don't want more of the same, so if you see something you dont' like bring it up.

Yes he used to do this when stressed. I am not even sure we are at the piecing yet. He has been talking to me more and has agreed to talk to C about our relationship. If anything I think he is working from replay to depression. Maybe. We have been trying not to argue for about 2-3 weeks now. I think in this time we have only had several episodes of him frecking out.

He just called me to tell me he was done the C and I asked him if he liked her and he said Yes I really like her.

This must be a good sign.

Mom, I've found your thread! Just wanted to stop by and thank you for all of your wonderful support.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Im'se still posting in the infidelity forum But i still read and post sometimes in the MLC and the PIecing forum I just don't feel i should come hear permanentaly yet even though thinngs are going pretty good.

I think most of our issues right now are sthings i need to work through in my own time.( you can read my threads).

I have the same Question. How can H qwork with OW and not be connected any more H says he can't switch unless they have what they call a shape up. And then i want him to wait and see what she does and do the opposite. I think that is not to much to ask and if it is really over he shouldn't have a problem. I think of that is a boundry and he should validate it.

JAK

Hi,
H is being honest with me, he also has something back that hasn't been there in a couple of years...I can't put my finger on it....just something, renewed. I am having a very hard time with the fact that H works with OW , he says they don't even talk and if they have to it is work related only. The problem is before this all happened I would never have doubted he had anything but a working realtionship with any woman in the office.
This OW is a shark...she digs her claws in and gets what she wants...I blame my H for his actions 100% but OW came to him and allowed him to do whatever knowing he was married.
I want my marriage to work and slowly more and more is coming out. I am making a conscious effort to ask questions slowly. We start counseling next week.
Mimi...your question about yelling...My H has been rotten to me, right up to a couple of days before he told me what he was thinking. The only reason he didn't do it a few days before is that I would not give him the time of day.
Why is this so hard? We did go out on a "date" last night. Dinner and drinks. We had so much fun and it was like the old days.
Do you think I should have him move home to work on things or stay at his mom's until I am ready....I am torn, he comes over everyday to see me and the girls...
I have so much anxiety about this today!