Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Oh the roller coaster...

it's smokescreen, to get you to agree to everything she wants.

be nice to her, but at the same time, fight for everything you think is important in the separation.

I'm not blowing off what she says completely.. she may indeed be "open to reconciliation"... but see how open she is, after you get a FAIR separation agreement.



Then dont accept it.



Ha. translation: she doesnt want your side to be fought by a lawyer, who isnt going to be blinded by a desire to reconcile with her. She wants you to agree to something "against advice of counsel".

her actions are in direct contradiction to her words.
pay attention to her actions more.

PS: dont forget; anytime you see "separation agreement", also think "divorce agreement". As soon as you sign a separation agreement, assume that is exactly what you will get left with if she then files divorce.


I'm not saying "dont trust her! she's completely deciving you!!"
I'm just saying, watch your back.. because anything you agree to now, will hit you badly if she has another "change" of heart, in a negative direction.

PS: If she thinks a divorce will be smooth, easy, and painless.. i'd say she's more likely to eventually head for one. It is not in your best interest to be all sweetness and light about it, in my non-professional opinion.

Trust me I have been thinking about that all along. I won't sign anything until I truly believe it is fair and equitable.

Actually I am the more of the driver behind no lawyers, I don't have the money to pay a lawyer to negotiate for me. But I do have enough to get his legal advice. So I will be speaking with him and getting his advice and direction before I sign anything.

No I do not believe she is just being nice to get me to sign this thing but I don't entirely trust her about this all either. Hence I will not be pressured into signing anything. And yes I view this as divorce agreement part 1 so I am out to make sure I am taking care of me.

And is your W capable of separating the legal D from the emotional D? If not you have to be very careful. My W is not separating the two in her mind right now. Everything I do with regards to the legal stuff = the emotional stuff in her mind.

So, if I say, "I'm not paying that bill" that equals, I don't really love you, I'm not changed, I'm the same jerk as before.

So, I have to do things like, "Why do you think I should pay that bill?" "Wouldn't that make more sense to have that bill split 50/50?" "Would that work for you?"

Quite the balancing act.

JR I am not certain but with this it does seem she has a bit of a hard time separating the two. She even said "don't you want to take care of your family" when I questions why we needed to do this right now.

So I have concerns that her intentions aren't completely equitable both with regards to the agreement and the recent improvements. But I do believe she is mostly sincere about the improvements.

This is a great opportunity to work on conflict resolution and really find out more about her true feelings by seeing how she handles all of this.

Wow got bombed today when she came by the office to drop a security card off so I can pick up our daughter at camp.

I asked if she wanted me to set up our next outing since she had pushed that responsibility to me. She said no. We stepped out in the hallway for privacy. I asked her why since she had asked me to do this. Then she bombed me. Because you seem to think if we do anything we are then getting back together. I am approaching this assuming we are getting divorced. But I told you I am open to reconciliation.

That's the first time she's ever said she's taking that approach. Since late Feb she has consistently said she "isn't pursuing divorce or reconciliation". So now we are back to openly saying she is planning on it.

I guess I needed to hear this all along and it's time for me to step away and just move on with life. If she wants reconciliation then she can pursue it.

Dude, eat some of your own dogfood, or catfood as it were, and remember not to believe anything they say.

Yeah, make her do some work, but don't lose it because she said something negative. She's probably still mostly in negative land with her thinking.

My W still says we're 100% done to the pastor, yet she sets up these little meetings to see what I'm doing, how I'm acting, if I'll live up to my word, etc.

She could be playing me, but she might not be. What I'm hearing is she's not. Even if she is, as long as I do what's right, I'll be fine and she has to live with her decisions. You're in the same boat. Just go with the flow, as much as you can (I'm hardly one to say you can do it all the time. )

Shoot me an email robertgwcu at gmail dot com, I would like to talk with someone in a similar boat as me and really haven't found anyone that has such similar challenges and opportunities.

Sent

Yes you are right I need to eat my own catfood. Hell I basically told you just a bit ago exactly what I need to be told right now! So go ahead and swing a 2x4 if you want, I deserve it and truthfully would appreciate someone showing me a bit of tough love, it'll help toughen me up.

Fine, grow a pair and man up!

I guarantee she doesn't want a wuss as a husband. show her you're HER man, learn to communicate with her, and show her that you care.

Do you know what her Love Language is? Just curious as I'm trying to figure out my W's without input from her