Husband All is quite on the western front. The air around the house seems a little less stressful. I want to so bad to look at the phone record to see how the phone calls to the OM are going but I am not going to. I know he is not really the problem. My objective is to make my W Not want to call him but talk to me instead. Not looking at the phone log is just one less thing on my plate that has to worry about. I know this post seems a little weird but I am just talking to myself right now. Giving myself the old pep talk.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Good job with that. Definately stay away from the phone log. I haven't looked at it in 3 weeks and i'm a lot happier for it. Until your wife says she is ready to work on your marriage, you are not going to see anything in the phone log you like. And even if the calls stopped, it would just be false hope at this point that really doesn't mean anything.
I have noticed that she isn't in a hurry to say goodnight to me and go to her room at night (where she used to go make phone calls). Last three nights she stayed up late with me, and i'm pretty sure went straight to bed. It may be partially because we are able to communicate in a more friendly manner, and i'm able to show her more respect when my mind isn't full of OM stuff - like if she talked to him today or not.
So keep up the good work. Don't snoop, focus on your wife, and being the most attractive man you can for her. Get her to spend time talking to you, then some of her limited amount of emotional energy is being spend on you. So when she talks to the OM it won't feel new, all the good laughs have already been had. Her conversations with him won't be as fulfilling, because she has already had them once with you.
I believe once you lock your first thread you are considered a veteran. You only get the old timer status once you locked up 5 or more threads. Then again I have missed placed my DB MB manual so who knows.
You have just entered the outer limits........ The mail was on the counter, I had to take a movie back. When I got back home the W was there. She had already looked at the mail. My letter was gone! My W didn't say a word and didn't seem happy or mad. When she left the kitchen I looked in the garbage can, no leter. Later I looked by her chair to see if it was in her pile of stuff. No letter. It just disappeared. The only place I forgot to look was in the shredder. It would be easy to know because the envelope and note paper were pink. (Her favorite color. I'll have to look when I get home today. It kind of feels like a firework that didn't go off. It wasn't spectacular and it didn't fizzle. It just sat there...
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My W and I went out on a date. Went to a classic car show and then played a pool for a couple of hours. Had small talk laughed and had a good time. No MUSHY STUFF. No R talk, No OM talk, No hand holding ECT… So I mailed her a “thank-you” letter in a Pink envelope and with pink stationary (her favorite color). It was addressed with her maiden name and no return address. It said:
XXXXX I had a great time last Saturday night. I can’t wait to do it again. I really enjoyed talking with ya about your younger days playing pool with your mom. I realize your pool playing was a little rusty but you did a great job distracting me with your beautiful smile. I realize this was our first date but I can see how easy it would be to fall in love with you. I hope we have a second date soon. If you ever need someone to talk to give me a call my number is 1-707-xxx-xxxx
Thinking about you XXXXX
I was not home when she read it. But it is GONE. It’s not in the garbage. It’s not by her chair. I even checked the shredder no pink paper.
What’s up??
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
u did a good job. give her time. she is probably surprised at what you did and is thinking about it. don't pressure her, let her come to you.no trash and no shredder--thats good. she probably has it in a safe place and is thinking things through.
me-30 h-38 m-11 yrs s-6 s-7 ss-13 h left-april 21,2007 found out of ea april 1, 2007
Maybe she is saving it to read again later, perhaps thinking about a response. Reading a little about your sitch, maybe the "falling in love comment" might be too strong. I don't think it's a bad thing. I would be patient for a bit and see what happens.
I think the letter which you sent was a very good idea.
If/when you guys go on a second date in the weeks to come (likely you will), after the date, if it goes well (it should) go to a card shop or somewhere that sells the cute little stuffed animals, get a small cute one. Box it up and send it with a very tiny card or tag, that reads "you're cute" or "you're sweet". Wait a few days and see if she responds.
She can then display this and be reminded of you, without any fear that someone else sees it and asks questions. Whereas a card with your name on it, might get hidden.
I think the "soft sell" might work for you
IS 49 W 47 S 21 D 19 S 16 M 24y Together 31y EA Mar04-May 06 PA Feb06-Jun06 EA May07 Bomb Dec 28 07
Footfalls echo in the memory, down the passage which we did not take, towards the door we never opened Into the rose-garden. T. S. Eliot
Don’t get my hopes up. Don’t get my hopes up don’t get my hopes up don’t get my hopes up.
Ok I have come down again. I have and am using the “detach / GAL”. If fact I am going out again Saturday but this time the W is staying home. I am going with a buddy of mine. It seems like I am dating my wife again. I was careful with the ILU. I did not sign it that way but I did slip it in. Baby steps, baby steps.I_Surrender I like the stuffed animals and tiny card that reads "you're cute" or "you're sweet" thanks
I have noticed small things happening. I’ll write more later
Keep your fingers crossed for me.
I am not going to look for it anymore but……. I did even look into her underwear Drawer (no letter)
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
