Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............

Husband,

Well done, good use of sheilas. I hope you weren't busted perving on them.

How was your trip, anything interesting happen.

I had to take the day off today, both W and DD were projectile vomiting. I left them for a few hours to catch up with a mate that had the day off also, and stocked up on orange juice and salada biscuits for them.

W is very sick and cannot even walk. I doubt she will be kick boxing tonight. DD is much better, watching the afternoon cartoons (still vomiting) but she is at least eating small portions of toast, biscuits and drinking water and juice, good little battler that she is.

You know what, I had a complete change in my PMA over the weekend, and my emotions towards my W have changed also. I hope this change will continue, as I had the best couple of nights sleep (other than DD vomiting every couple of hours).

I no longer worry or care what she is doing. I think I may have finally set her free from my emotions, and what happens happens.

I will continue to DB for my family, however if she doesn't return I don't think It will hit me as hard as before. I also see some really bad qualities from her (that I ignored in our marriage), which has made my detachment easier. I did not see them earlier due to my emotional state and wanting her back sooo badly.

Maybe this is my "acceptance" kicking in.

Thanks DNQ,

I am going to purchase a copy, the stuff later on in the book was excellent.

Also thanks again for all the other stuff.

I hope things are improving for you.
AndyV

I saw on another post somewhere you were going to the Winchester Mystery House. Funny, I've lived in NorCal all my life, always wanted to go there, and never have. Hey, I can add that to my GAL list and do it now! How was it?

Which park? The former Great America or whatever they call it now in Santa Clara? I always dug that place. We took the kids there about five years ago when they were real young, but were sort of turned off by the "element" there. Seemed a bit "rough" if you know what I mean, and not as "family" as we would have preferred. If that's where you went, did you get the same impression?

Glad y'all had a good time. Hope the wife treated you well and progress was made.

"Sheila's?" That's an Aussie thing, isn't it?

DNQ

Gidday Mate

The park was ok with the W. The ankle biter had a good time that’s what was important to me. At least the W and I didn’t have a Barney.
The Sheila’s in the bathers were really hot. I had on mirror sun glasses so I wouldn’t be caught ave a gander. I only took a decko so I wouldn’t get caught had some fluid ambers with the D (she is 23). I wish they had some Darwin stubbie’s.

Well I gota go hope to hear from ya any tic of the clock

husband

Hey Husband,

Excellent work.

How are things at home now, after the trip.

My sitch is on a downer. I can't believe how my W is trying to go full steam ahead with D day.

I have been doing a great job detaching from W over the last week, after she admitted to her family about her R with OM (she lied and said it just started).

She has been happier over the last few days.

Then I find a Real Estate brochure (for sale of our house), and SIL rang me to tell me that W is so happy that the D papers are coming through.

I can't believe that OM has such a strong influence in making her want to rush things. I wonder if it is OM or just her not wanting to be in the same house as me.

When she left tonight to go to Rock Climbing (OM will be there) she told me she was on a "High" (because she was sick as a dog yesterday, vomiting and stayed in bed all day).

She talked to me with a smile on her face, and was happy.

She also told SIL that she felt really bad about hurting me, but she had absolutley no feelings for me, and doesn't want to be in the same house as me.

She tells everyone else, but hides it from me. I find it so unfair that she is doing all this behind my back, and then wanting to spring it on me.

Man, I think sometimes when a person is so committed to changing their lives, no amount of DBing will work.

Let it go Andyv and don't read to much into it. In the early stages of our separation, my stbx had a noticeable glow on her face because of OM. The same glow she had when we were dating and first married.

18 months later, it's a different story. She's gained weight, she's often cranky, irritable, and seems to be back in the slump she was in when I moved out. I don't think it's because she thinks she made a mistake leaving me, but I think her expectations of OM are not panning out as she thought. She's still in contact with him, but I think she is starting to realize he isn't the cure all to her unhappiness. Don't know about your W, but mine really does have some internal conflicts to work out that OM isn't going to be able to fix.

Ironically, the burden for her happiness is now with the OM and when he can't deliver, she's going to wonder about allot of things she's said and done to me. Believe it or not, it's kind of liberating for me that I'm no longer responsible for her unhappiness.

I wouldn't get to bummed out about her good mood with OM. If things don't work out, you still want her to be in a good frame of mind for your kids sake. That goes for you to!

Hi ATGB,

Man, 18 months together with OM.

Thanks for you post. I really do want my W to be happy in life, but a side of me want's her to really regret leaving me, as weird as it may sound.

The thing that sucks is that every time I get my life on track (GALing), she manages to bring me back down again. The good thing is that it is bringing me down less and less.

I have not discussed anything with her R wise, no OM talk etc. I helped out when W wsa sick and bed ridden for nearly two days, and DD was sick on those days also.

I am looking fitter and more toned now than when we got married over 13 years ago.

Even her post MLC best friend (the one that came to the soccer with me and my friends) finds me amazing and would love to have someone like me, and has told W.

She told me she had a fantastic time with us (which would have gotten back to W). She has also asked me if she could come out with us again in the future.

I suppose she did tell me in Feb what she wanted, and has stood firm on that. I can't really blame her for pursuing what she requested back then.

Andyv.

Well it seems things are on the steady. My W went out and bought a wireless router for my lap top. Then she spent about 3 days trying to figure out how to set it up. Last night I was sitting watching the T.V. and she brought my lap top to me with a big smile on her face. She put in on my lap. She did it. I told her awesome. I knew she could do it. Then when it was time for bed I went onto the sitting room where the W was and again told her thanks. I she was sitting and I was standing about 8 feet from her, I held my arms our like you would do if you were going to give someone a hug and said: here “I’m throwing a hug your way” she laughed and said all she did was following directions.
I don’t want to over analyze things. Part of me thinks “What‘s up? Is she setting me up for a let down? Part of me thinks maybe she is doing nice things because she see’s I’m doing nice things for her. I DO NOT KNOW. My son and I are leaving Sunday for our trip. Today when I get home I’m going to ask the W if I get a sitter, if for father’s day she will go out with me for dinner. There is this nice little club that I found during one of my GAL sessions.
I kind of feel bad that my sitch is going ok. Sorry to hear about yours taking a turn. Don’t take her mood change to mean anything aginst you. She probably seems happier now because the pressure of hiding her R with the OM from the family is released. The family is still in shock. When they get over the shock she will begin to feel the unhappiness they will probably have about it. That’s when you having a positive attitude and detaching will shine in her eyes. What ever you do try not to say anything about the OM. And if she starts complaining to you about something her sister said or anything someone in her family says or does that is UN aproving about the OM. Listen and say things like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “that must hurt”. Or just nod your head. BUT don’t make suggestions or show your agreement with your in-laws’. You want her to come talk to you not the OM. If you don’t give her the ear she wants to bend he will.

"Even her post MLC best friend (the one that came to the soccer with me and my friends) finds me amazing and would love to have someone like me, and has told W."
Keep this one on the back burner.If things don't work out between yuou and the W........


Of course this is just my opinion.

Take care mate

husband

Thanks Husband,

I am so happy that your sitch is getting better with each day. Please keep doing what you are doing, and do not snoop on the phone account. This was one of my problems and it never did any good.

I think that maybe this may be your W's way of possibly smoothing things out for you and her, just in case she decides to come back into the relationship. The nice things she is doing may be her way of mending a bridge to cross back over.

I have my fingers crossed for you.

I value your input into the mood changes. I really have to ride this one out. Regardless of the info I have recieved from SIL, things do take time and homes don't sell overnight, so I have to pull my finger out at last and never backslide again and leave my wife with this good "mood" she is experiencing.

That last input you mentioned regarding W's best friend had me thinking also. I am definatley not ready for anything right now, but her BF is an amazing person, and I am glad that they are friends.

She knows our sitch. But like you said, if things do get to closure with divorce etc, who knows.

It is good to have an allie that is close to W, and there is a lot of positive stuff getting back to her. She is also keen to attend another game next week with me and my friends, the State Of Origin Rugby League game, which is bigger than Ben Hur in 3D. This is being played on a Wed night (kick boxing night) and she told me she would rather cancel her KB night and go to the game.

This will make W a little peeved, as BF is her sparring partner. Also, Husband, you will be prettty proud of me. This BF is 24 and a real stunner. All my younger friends that went to the soccer with us were bowling each other over to talk to her. But she pretty much stayed by my side for the entire night.

I think the book that DNQ emailed me may be working, it's called "How to be attractive to women". It is like an attraction manual similar to DB and DR, with steps on what not to do and what to do in certain situations, and what women really want.

Good stuff, I hope some of it gets back to W.

Andy,

My W to was glowing there for awhile because of her happiness with the OM. I do not know where their R is rightnow, but, that glow is gone. I have read that in the beginning of A it lifts them out of depression and they feel that life has been breathed into them again.. For most, this does not last and when the A starts to wear on them they typically slip into a deep depression.

I agree with you, I to want my W to be happy though I want the R with the OM to crash and burn. In my sitch they have stepped on alot of people and I would like them to reap what they sow.. Hopefully this will happen before they hurt more people.

Take Care.... Go have some XXXX.... Your doing well my friend.

-ERC
(I used to have an Aussie room mate, so I have heard that XXXX is a good Aus. beer)