Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Should I stay or should I go now?

I guess I am coming back to this forum/thread now since my H isn't really ready for piecing like he said he was. Here is the thread I have been posting on for the last several weeks (including today's events).

It is Hard Taking Baby Steps

Maybe I should be in MLC forum...I don't know. How do people go through this for months and even years? I am so tired and sad. I don't know that I can last on this roller coaster. I certainly believe that this thread has an appropriate name.

I could really used some words of wisdom right about now.

Thanks for your help.

Thanks for your input Jazz. I agree with you completely, but I have friends and family that tell me not to and then I have others telling me to go out and date. They say "it will make him think" or the best way to get a guy to come around is for someone else to be interested in you (kind of like kids not wanting anyone else playing with their toys).

After what happened today, I feel like why not..I am not sure I have any more fight left in me to try to save my M. My heart is in a billion pieces. I don't want to get a D but I don't know that I can keep fighting for something that maybe is too far gone. This is my 2nd M and I waited for almost 2 years for my first H and that almost killed me. I know I can't do that again plus every day this goes on, every time he does something more to hurt me, that makes me feel like it is going to be that much harder to put this back together. I married this man because I thought he would NEVER do this to me. How can I have faith and trust in him after all of this.

Our MC isn't sure but..my H said he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore. He gave me an inventory of everything I have ever done wrong since he met me. He has gone out and bought himself a new wardrobe and glasses. We did have a lot of life changes-his D left for college, moved office, move home, job change. Seems to just want to hang out with the guys (says there is no OW but I don't know). Told me he has never lived alone in his life and thinks he should experience it. One day he wants me and the next he doesn't. Yeah, I'd say it is MLC.

This is an interesting question and one I'm sure my wife is asking (she kicked me out, I didn't leave, by the way). I know she doesn't trust me, and she doesn't know how she can. So maybe you can go over this with me, since you can provide the W's perspective.

Why CAN'T you just forgive and forget and start trusting him again? Because he hasn't made ANY changes??? Because he's still hurting you? Something else? Maybe you just don't WANT to trust him again?

I'm throwing these things out because I'm making all these changes - I'm doing it for my own well-being, but let's be honest - I want my wife back and these changes will help that (if there's any help to be had). So, if you saw your husband making significant changes, and you let him come back, wouldn't that be the first step in trusting him again? Wouldn't you take that chance JUST to be sure?

Are people you trust telling you NOT to trust him anymore? What does your heart tell you?

I don't know, if it was me, I would give him one more chance - JUST TO BE SURE! Doesn't that seem to be the sensible thing to do?

Hi JR-Why doesn't your wife doesn't trust you? My husband is telling me he doesn't trust me because he doesn't believe I can change even though I have admitted to my faults and want(ed) to give it 1000% effort to try to make him happy. I feel that if he were rational, he would have come home by now wanting to give me/us the benefit of the doubt.



Even though my last post probably did make it sound like it, I would give my H a second chance in a heartbeat. I don't give up easily. If he walked in the door today and said he wanted to work everything out, I would be thrilled yet apprehensive at the same time. I can forgive and try to forget but it will take time and effort on both our parts for us to get past this. Our emotional wounds are going to take time to heal. Optimally, the first step to trusting him again would be for him to try to trust me but chances are that isn't going to happen anytime soon. So, if that can't be the first step, all I can do to start to trust him is to have faith and hold onto any positives I get from him. I wish my H could do the same for me.



My friends and family are telling me all kinds of things, mostly that I should move on. They hate to see me in pain and they want me to take the fastest route to end my suffering. What are your friends and family telling you? As far as my heart goes, it is having a major struggle with my head. My heart wants to stick this out until the absolute end. My head sometimes (more often lately) agrees with my family and friends.

I am not sure if my thoughts are helpful at all because it sounds like you are the LBS like me. I am happy to try to give you any insights I may have anytime. Good luck and stay strong.

I sent my H a text yesterday saying I needed to talk to him, so he called me last night. I just wanted to tell him that I am going to buy a house (I am living with my father right now) and it is something that I need to do for me. He seemed okay with it (should it bother him???) and just asked some questions about it. Then he wanted to talk about other things and I cut the conversation short. I could tell that this surprised my H. I felt pretty good, like I was taking more control of my sitch but today, I am feeling pretty blue. My H seems to be detaching more and more. Right now, it seems like we are having less and less contact. We have been separated over 3 months now and people on this BB say that isn't very long but it feels like forever to me. I feel like we should be moving toward each other but right now I feel like we are getting farther away from each other all the time. Does anyone have any suggestions to keep hope alive?

Why does my PMA come and go so much?

My hope is fading fast. I even told my H to file yesterday. My H says loves me but doesn't want to make any effort to work on things. I know I should detach, GAL, give him space, give it time, etc. How do I deal with all of my feelings of frustration, hurt, disappointment, etc.? I keep trying to find the strength and at the moment, I don't feel like I have any. I don't have the strength get a D and I don't have the strength to hold on. I barely slept last night and I feel so wiped out. I just need to get to a more settled place in my life.

I wish someone had a magic wand to make this all go away.