Yes, thank you so very much! It's hard to imagine just when you are finally back on the track of life he wakes up. Irony, yes.....sad - YES!
You do bring lots of hope for the rest of us....I finally "Let Go" the other day.....completly.
Your in a tough position sweetie.....I'm not sure what I would do, it's so very hard reaching the point where your at just to let it all re-appear again.
PLEASE PLEASE keep up updated on your sitch, as I too would dearly love to see how it plays out. I love that you suggested counseling to him. Your a mighty strong woman now!! YAY!
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
I want to throw this thought into this situation, if he is "blaming" you for not standing, then its my opinion that he is still blaming you for things. Proceed with caution.
I also love to read your posts. You have a calming influence on me, and you are so positive. You have also helped me to see what my life can be like in the future.
Of course he wants you in his life! Who wouldn't? Only a fool or an MLCer - are they perhaps one and the same?
I think we would all understand if you feel there's been too much damage to even consider reconciliation; however, it must be nice to know he finally realizes what he's done. Since he hasn't had any time alone, though, nor any IC (from what I gather), I think it would take a lot of time and work for him to become good H-material again. He is going to need a lot of strength and courage to make that journey; it'll be interesting to see if he has it in him.
Virginia, you deserve the best. I do hope that you will not let the past cloud your vision, in either a positive or negative way. Hold on to your joy in life.
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Wow, what an interesting history you have, and a wonderful post too.
Snodderly recommended that I stop by and read your new post, and she was right. Much of what you have seen, I have have seen also, only I think my time line started before yours... affair in 2002, left 2003, divorced 2004, xh married 2006....
Anyway, Yes, I heard the "You didn't fight for me, you didn't fight for our marriage." statement too. I bent over backwards, but it didn't seem to matter, because, yes, he didn't remember either. Then it was followed with "The last thing I wanted was to be divorced at 50!" and then there was "I never thought I'd find myself in this position my whole life, never did I think I'd go bankrupt and be divorced at this time of my life!" Like I could have stopped him!... HA
I haven't heard anything close to what you had in your last phone call.... however, I do have an xh using excuses to stay in this area to spend time, and this follows 8 months of angry silence, with him taking me back to court on trumped up, make believe (projected) charges.... and to reduce the child support.
I agree with you, too much damage done for me.... as I doubt very highly (my) xh will ever discover the strength to appologize, never mind admit to liking me, so love is completely out of the picture.
Stand strong, do what is right for you.... Lord knows you've worked very hard and deserve only the very best.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
I'm glad you started your own thread, and FWIW, I am "glad" that you heard these words from your XH.
Well, sort of, b/c I can also understand the frustration, of "too little too late" for something you sincerely wished for, and for all the pain caused along the way.
You stood strong, we know. I, too, have recently received news of "you did not really try, you did not really want to stay M"...
Ah well, only we know the truth.
Thank you for being here, and I hope that our words can support you as much as your words have soothed us!
Thank you for such gorgeous and generous attention and support. I'm quite overwhelmed.
I have found this place of (arguable) peace by learning from all of you and those that have come before us.
Thank you all so much. I am humbled by your kind words.
I'll let you know how I go with him. I'll call him later today.
I spoke to my eldest step-son last night who called to ask me to take him to a Drs appointment this week (he's nearly 20 now, but still likes to be 'parented') and I asked him if he'd been speaking to his dad. He said he hasn't heard from him for a few weeks. It's all very weird.
Lucky I gave up 'assuming' anything a long time ago!!!!
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
It doesn't seem that you are "over the moon" over this development which pleases me very much indeed.
It seems that more often than not around here, the MLCer pokes their head out of the tunnel (like yours has done), test the waters so to speak and when they see that there is a good chance, they dive right back in and continue their journey for a few more years until they truly regain their senses.
I've got a mate that did the same thing as yours but his X remarried, he broke up with OW soon after the D. He is on his own and admitted 2 years after he initiated S and D, it was the biggest mistake of his life. He has expressed deep remorse (and still does), is on cordial terms with his xW but she is now married. They get on great "for the sake of the kids" as he likes to put it. He doesn't want to be the cause of her 2nd marriage breaking up.
Going pitch black is the best way of dealing with this for everyone concerned. Completely let them go.
God Bless, Suit
"It's better to have no spouse than have a bad spouse"
Didn't you know what I ray of light you have always seemed to be?
That is you personally. You seem so serene and attuned with who you are. So constant.
I've been wondering if you would email me. I understand if you do not wan to, but I have questions that I've always thought you could help me sort through.
So - there we have it folks. Didn't matter where I posted, or what I classified him as - MLC or WAS ... seems the outcome, depending on how we handle it, is often the same.
As I always say, the things that one must do to save a marriage are the same things one must do if the marriage is not saved.
I don't know what I'll do - and I think in all honesty it's just too late for me
I think a lot of us still in the middle of our sitch fear this the absolute most. Realizing the hurt is too deep and too much to ever be mended. Maybe after some time it's not so much the hurt, but rather the realization that we are in a good place in our lives and the WAS MLCer is no longer the type of person that compliments who we are.
This leads me to another question I think about a lot and I'm sure I may not be liked very much for saying this, but isn't it possible that these WAS MLCer's are simply not the right people for us?? I read a lot about the MLCer being "sick" which they could very well be, but my feeling is that everyone has different crises life events all throughout our lives, but not everyone chooses to cheat on their spouses or divorce their spouses to get them through the crisis.
Don't get me wrong, I still want my H back despite what he has done. I want H to be sorry for all that he has done, I want H to want to come back to me and our D10, but I know that is not reality. I am clearly feeling anger and confusion about everything though. Truly, MLC or not, what kind of person abandons the woman they committed to and the daughter they brought into this world? That is one thing I don't know if I will ever understand...I may be able to forgive, but I don't know if I will ever understand.
Thanks for posting and I hope to read more!!! Maybe it will help sort out some of the confusion. All the best, UB
