Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

I concur with Husband,

If we get through this successfully, It will make us better for it.

I took everything for granted, spent too much time away for work, buying things for my W, not playing with DD near enough as I am now.

It does put a perspective on things. I hope it is not too late for us.

Well at midnight our time my wife strolled in after what was probably a romp w OM. I had been asking my kids about mom and my s11 and d9 both said she was not being a very good mom since she comes home, locks herself in her room and doesnt come out. Only on her nights does she cook dinner, eat w/ them then retreat back to her room.

Well my kids noticed something about her mean attitude and her isolation. They got me thinking so when my W came home I told her we need to talk about kids.

I told her our kids felt she was not around for them. I told her she's a good mom but she hasn't been spending time w/ them when she's here. She started to defend herself that she took them to the beach this weekend(big deal). I told her I just want my kids to have the mom back they used to. That I could get a GF if I wanted but my kids were my priority.

She started to berate me and I told her to F$$K off! I told her she doesn't own me and I will give her the D. BTW this is a total 180 of what I would normally do. I sd she should focus on kids because she's too busy screwing around w/ BF and spending too much time w/ him.

I never used that language w/ her ever,then I flipped her the bird and I had some difficulty because I have never done it before. It was a little awkward, had trouble keeping only the middle finger up.

At this point I might have nailed the coffin on my M, but I feel my kids need their mom back and she wasn't coming back on her own.

Soon to be single.

Hey andyv

Hope ya had a good night. Today is our trip. My son and middle daughter (23) will be with us. I have this sick feeling (maybe nerves) in my stomach. It like I'm kind of scared. Can’t really put my feeling into words right now so I talk to ya later.

Husband

WAW,

You have to back off and detach from W, I know it is hard for you, but you have to.

The issue with the kids should have been discussed in the morning, not when she got home late. You should be thankful that she got home at midnight. My W stays with OM till 3-4am. I did the same thing and stayed awake when she got home, then argued with her about spending more time with DD and other stuff.

You must take all the power away from her re getting angry at her, questionning her etc etc it justify's her decision even more when you behave that way. And it makes you less attractive to her and pushes her towards OM.

Okay, so you did backslide, just regroup and start again. We have all done it so don't worry. It may take some time, but please detach from her. Then discuss things re kids when you are both calm.

Well, I just got home from the soccer, its half past midnight.

DD is staying at my sisters, and W is with OM. I am just finishing of a light ale and I will be off to bed.

I had a really good time at the soccer. My W's new best friend (post MLC and 12 years younger than W) had a great time with me and my friends, and could not stop talking about it in the car on the way to her house. I am glad she is a friend of W because she is pretty decent compared to her other friends.

Uruguay beat Australia 2-1, after we led 1-0. 62,000 spectators, incredible game of soccer. We had a late meal afterwards and I tried a Chai Tea Latte for the first time tonight, and I am hooked.

I will pick up DD early today (9am) and i promised to take her to the mall (playgym). then to the park afterwards (hopefully W will not renege on the three of us going). Then to cook dinner for all of us and W's best friend.

You know, I can handle the separation if it just wasn't for OM. But we cant have everything. But I have become more resilient and it is not affecting me as much as before (W being with OM tonight).

So WAW, take heart that it will get better for you, and the detaching will become easier.

Another good thing to come out of tonight, I did not discuss anything about W with W's best friend. I think she (BF) was suprised that I did not bring her up.

Sorry Husband, I think I posted before yours came through.

Thx bud, I had a pretty good night (other than Australia losing in the soccer).

I'm sure your trip will go well, so don't worry about a thing. Just enjoy it. Let me know how it went when you get back.

I'll be thinking of you.
AndyV