Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

Gidday Andyv

Enjoy the D’s Game. Be there for her. Take pictures and build memories. After the game take her out for lunch or an Ice cream.
If ya get a hold of that picture put it on the refrigerator. Look at it when you forget why you are trying so hard. Also the W will see it and maybe see what she is loosing. Don’t give up yet. Our W’s are in a fog but we are in limbo land. I feel like in my sitch that I have built a house of cards. It will not take much to knock it down. The hurt does not go away for awhile. It is always there. It’s just sometimes we are handling it better.
I had my leg amputated in a car accident years ago. I always have the “phantom Pain” but I have learned to tune it out. It really only hurts me (like right now) when I talk about it or think about. The thinking usually comes at night. Kind of like your night last night.

What did you mean by?

“but the more I think about how my W's self confidence being shattered due to me, the more it worries me.”

I’m not sure what you are referring to. Can you expand on this a little?

Cheer up big guy. Things could be worst believe it or not.




WAW

I agree with MC that is why I didn’t understand what you were talking about. Don’t be rude but it is your house too. If she thinks she dislikes you that bad let her go out and eat. The only way I would not push it is if it became physical in front of the kids. (Like she started throwing things at ya).

As for the chores I own a business and I had to go due some equipment maintenance. As for your chores. It is your house to. I would (and haven’t) done anything different since I found out about the A. Actually I have done a little more.
So riddle me this

Your W is unhappy with you. She doesn’t like the way ya comb your hair, you always leave the toilet seat up ECT… NOW you stop doing things around the house. Boy will she have thing to talk the OM about. DON”T GIVE HER ANY REASON to want go talk / See the OM.

Smile and wave. Go about you life like she is just a room mate right now. That gets old to. (It’s where I am at now). But it is a nicer atmosphere for the kids and it takes the wind out of her sails

husband

Gidday Husband,

My DD won her game 4-0, it is the first win this year (drew plenty). I took heaps of photo's

My wife told me last night that due to my emotional detachment and lack of intimacy over the last few months before the bomb, she felt like she was nothing, and unnattractive. She told me she had no self worth, now this OM is spoiling her with attention, and she feels special.

I hate it when they say "Don't blame OM, he is innocent". That is such BS. He knew her sitch, she needed space and separation, but he managed to sneak his way in at her most vulnerable.

WAW,

Mate, I feel for you. I know exactley how you feel. My W will be seeing OM tonight whilst I am at the soccer.

She may stay there the night. Like husband said, we just have to not let it bother us.

It is beyond our control. Nothing we say or do will prevent things from happening, or bring our W's back to us.

It is a waiting game, and the best man will always win, regardless of the outcome.

It's good that you said this, but you better mean it. Start the work you need to do now in anticipation that you have to live, and love, by these words.

If she takes one thing away from your conversation, let's hope it is this one. The WAW, from what I'm beginning to learn, needs to know that they have an emotionally safe place to return to. It was posted on my thread that 80% of WAS end up questioning their decision to leave (at some point), but many cannot pursue a return because the door has been closed, or they feel that it would be nothing but retribution for a long time to come.

But for now, STOP talking to her about these things. You will get nowhere because she's not in the right frame of mind to process logical thoughts. All of these things you are saying will just delay or prevent her from being able to screw her head on tight and asess her situation for what it really is, a big mistake. Be the man she needs you to be and leave her alone on this.

Sound advice DNQ,

End of the day, if she is having a PA, what difference does it make. She has told me since Feb that we are separated. She has stuck by that and has not given me any false hope.

Sure, there are baby steps, but she has not given me an indication that she wants back in to the M.

I have to give her credit for that.

I am glad that she knows there is an escape clause in her MLC contract.

Well said!

Thanks man, I new it was a "Pearler" after I typed it.

Andyv

how is it going? My W just got home not in a good mood. Had a rum and coke gave her some space went out and cut the lawn came back and the demon left her body she was nice agian. Or maybe it was the run and coke. I don't know.

Ok so far I have:
Gidday
Muppet
Bloody Bewdy ( I hope this is a good thing ya called me it)
and now Pearler

Boy soon I'll be able to catch a plane and come see ya for a brew and be able to speak some Australian ta boot

Husband

Husband,

You are doing very well with the Ozzie slang.

It is also good to see that your W is in a pleasant mood. Maybe you should stock up on some UDL rum and cokes in a can. That way you can crack one open quickly when she starts to turn.

Bloody Bewdy is a good term. I use it when I get excited or receive something I really wanted.

W and DD have gone with W's new best friend (post MLC) to SIL place for a candle party (like a tupperware style). Her SIL likes to flog all sorts of stuff and has these party's all the time.

I went to the Gym before they left, and am now home. Her best friend will be coming to the soccer tonight with me and my friends. She has always been very nice to me and one of my biggest supporters (I don't know why W tells me this).

I always manage to cook up a nice meal whenever she is over, and I really do turn on the charm. I think W's best friend can see that W is in La La land, but as all good friends do, she supports her regardless.

She has also told W that she does not like OM (even though they all go to Kick Boxing together).

She will be a handy allie to have if W starts to have doubts and may want to come back into R.

Andyv and Husband,
Thanks for your support and ideas. I just get so upset when I know she is doing things w/ OM that only I used to do w/ her. It's what I get for snooping. Now I know it only hurts to snoop.

Wife just left the house in a tizzy. Angry that I'm spending time w/ my kids watching a movie and it's only 9:45pm here. She stormed out of the house, probably to meet OM.

Tonight I joined W and kids for dinner. W was upset that I did that but I didn't care. I'm loosing time w/ kids I'll never get back. She just had her poopoo face on the whole time. I'd better get used to it.

It's only been a month since dday and it seems like a year. I really admire you guys that stick in there for a long time. My wife was a devout catholic and raised in a very strong family(both parents still married 40+ yrs). they are all very shocked but not saying anything to her.

Just hoping for an end to the madness.

WAW

That is what this place is for advice and VENTING. Let it go here so you can put on a happy face around the W. I'm glad you had dinner with YOUR family. Enjoy your dinner and keep the conversation with W to as little as possible. But... talk to the kids about their how their day went. One thing I noticed from all this S@it is I took sooooo much for granted. Get up, go to work, come home eat dinner go to bed over and over and over.
It is really amazing what my son has to say not that I am truly listening.

Husband