IMP... Maybe this will sound rude and I am certain you will take it wrong (sigh)
but...why do you post on this board if you don't beleive in MLC? Why do you come here?
Those of us who may question MLC have never done so in a way that strips other people of their right to feel.
It seems like anyone who holds a different view than you is taunted or made out to be some sort of idiot. If you really feel you were victimized by your wife's MLC...perhaps you haven't moved on as much as you would like us to believe.
Everyone's situation is different and you taking away a coping mechanism does nothing.
Again...if you really don't believe in MLC...why do you post here?
Hope, I will email you soon. I would love to chat with you.
IMP - before I say anything, I will say this, I really do find kernels of value in much of what you say. I think at times, what you and OT say are hard to hear here....mostly b/c we do experience a lot of craziness with our spouses that is different in most cases in other forums. I'm not saying this to feel "special" in any way.
But, I do find what the both of you say, to be accurate - in terms of finding your own path, living your life and not letting it end with the choice of another. Just today I was reminded of that when my mother told me "if you sink with this, we will sink, so you cannot stop living." Very true.
BUT, I will also say this. It took me 1 year to start to understand anything close to MLC. I still doubt it. How sad is that? Only b/c I myself am sane. It's hard to believe the person you once knew is gone and totally the opposite...not a nice opposite, but horrific. And, this is not b/c D is painful, rather that their actions are truly mean.
You yourself mentioned that your W did not act weird or insane. She did not change her personality radically, not just with you but with others. So, please try to understand this perspective.
Many of us here, including Hope, are dealing with spouses who stopped being parents, dropped out of life, spew anger beyond comprehension, lie, cheat, steal, lose jobs, become alcoholics, gamblers, spend money wildly, lose friends, make rash decisions (not including the decision of a D), give no explanation, and cut loose without a word.
I don't know your sitch, but I suspect that a lot of these things were not present, or you are incredibly forgiving and forgetful, to have made such a wonderful R with your XW now.
I know this. I try to take my H seriously. Take him for face value. It hurts. But, if I were to tell anyone the string of actions/behaviors he has taken in nearly 2 years, it would make anyone question his sanity. Not just things that have to do with me, or the M.
Keep posting, IMP...we value your opinion. Just try to understand where we are comign from.
I read what you refered about Jung (not Yung)....and it's interesting. I also think that many folks here and other readings will also point to another cue, childhood issues or other traumatic events, that cause this crisis. Maybe it's not a MLC anymore, but a new "crisis" of sorts to be defined. I know that in my H's case, his childhood definately plays a role here.
Hi Hope, I often wondered how you were doing. I am not any further than you are. I don't even find that the past two years were long. They went so quickly!
I am sorry that I have no answers for you. I am also still hoping althought, like you, I think I should be more realistic. But like RCR says, two years for an MLCer is not long. So I will give it some more time, but in the meantime get on with my life.
You have to do what you think is the right thing for you. I wish you all the best. Take care. HUGS
Hope, I am getting tired of standing too. There is a difference between tired,or weary of standing, and "done". I for one can not immagine what done will feel like, I have done this for so long. So pathetic me, well, no. You and I both accept we can not change anyone but ourself. Then what we are talking about is YOUR actions, beliefs, desires, or feelings. You can change your actions. You can change your beliefs. Your dsires and feelings are what they are. I want to be honest with myself, and tell myself my true feelings. When I stop being honest with myself, then I am in danger of a spiritual illness, either MLC or something similarly horrible. I chose to be honest with myself. I am not done standing. I am however under a cloudy sky for standing. I know I have been put here for some purpose, and I look forward to the lesson I will learn under this cloud. It will come. So you want to learn more about withdrawl. I think you should listen to RCR. I think it is like a wounded animal. They know they are in trouble and they go internal. That is where the questions are. That is where they will find the answers. I do not think they are hiding from the quest anymore. They are in the midst of it. Think wounded animal. Taking care of their wounds.
I am still hopeful. Neve mind the time. Just do what feels right, one day at a time. If you are still standing and hopeful, then that is what is right.
CHeers, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
In my time around this board, I have seen many a wounded animal. Guess what? After 6, 7, 8 years, many have the exact same wounds they had when I first heard of them. If you are going to stand, it may take quite a while for the wounds to heal, if ever. These people have withdrawn and are not coming back any time soon.
So get out from under the dark cloud and stand for your marriage in the sunlight. You see the sunlight is so you can feel good about yourself, because dark clouds do not are not so good for feeling good.
Here are suicide rates for countries of the world.
