Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Need another opinion, is my W OM, friend or more?

Husband is right, you can't talk about the OM or your relationship until W is ready to discuss it.

Husband, I'm glad to hear your W is now talking to you as my W is in the anger stage and hasn't talked to me for a month. I have been doing nice things and she has been able to stay in the room when I'm there but other than that she still ignores me and pretends I don't exist. She still thinks she's in love w/ OM that is 16 yrs her junior(she's 38).

Here's to hoping.

Here's to hoping.

WAW

It's hard. I am the hug and kissy kind of guy. But I stay away right now.
You need to do things and NOT expect anything back. They know what you did. They may not mention it but they know. My W Favorite color is pink. This weekend I planed a whole bunch of pink flowers in front of our house. She has not said one thing to me about them. BUT....I know she see's them every day when she leaves and when she comes home. She can't see them and not think about ME planting them.
When I want something I want it NOW. This is the hard part waiting for the change. It's like watch bread rise. Stare at it and it does nothing. Leave and come back in ten minutes it moved.

Hey I'm not driving I’m just along for (Roller coaster) ride
Husband

Thx Guys,

Its funny how we can give good advice to others, but find it hard doing it ourselves.

I have managed to damage control the sitch, and still talking to W. She has told me that she has not done anything with OM (not even kissed him or even held hands) but they want to start seeing each other more and see where it goes.

She does not know if she loves him, but said that love does not happen instantly, it grows.

Also SIL told me that she is self conscious of her stretch marks (child birth several years ago), and told her that she is comfortable with me seeing her but she would not be comfortable with another. I was her first love, so that would be something else for her to worry about if it turns PA.

WTH, it didn't take us long when we first met to fall in love.

The other thing that pisses me off, is the worm of an OM is shorter than me (as tall as W), ordinary too look at, thinning hair at 26 y/o, dresses in cargo shorts when he goes to a function, and is carefull with his money.

He is the complete opposite to me. SIL has told me that she is crazy, and that she is giving up so much to be with him, and it is because she is sooooo angry at me for neglecting her for so many years, that she has no feelings left for me.

I have to stop any more talk about OM, regardless of how much it hurts. This will be the last time I talk. Wife was happy tonight that she has gotten it off her chest.

I even coaxed her into possibly going to the park on Sunday with me and DD (something we haven't done since end of last year (Nov)).

It really hurts me that W is so happy now that it is out in the open. I hope I haven't given her a free ticket to infidelity. But I am so drained with all the lies and deciet that I am much happier that she has told me the truth and is at least looking into my eyes when she talks to me.

She still wants to sell the house when the side fence goes up (as she said that it is hard living together with all the questions etc). But I hope with this new goodwill, I can prolong it enought to outlast the euthoria of OM.

Thanks for everyones support.

Hey andyv

Watch the tinning hair remark not all of us with thinning hair are bad.:)

Doing great. I agree with ya on the giving advice and not using it on our selves. I have the same problem. I was thinking about asking myself a question on my computer at work and then going home to ansner my question to see if that would work.

Put the fence off as long as possible.

Stay strong and don't give her anything to talk / complain to the OM about.

I thought all Australians wore kaki short cargo pants. I watched the movie crocodile Dundee.LOL

Husband

Hi Husband,

Yes, we do wear khaki, but not out to dinner like this muppet (OM).

I was hoping to get the fence up and get all the BBQ stuff sorted, and bring some normality to our home. She is only keen to sell when I go off the rails.

This is another issue I have to overcome. We moved in Nov, and I still haven't done the things I should (Like clean out the garage).

She told me that it would be good to be able to use her punching bag and gym, but with all the boxes in the garage she couldn't.

Oh and sorry about the thinning hair remark. It was in anger due to my sitch.

Andyv (my hero)

Opportunity awaits you. Talk about keeping busy.

“She told me that it would be good to be able to use her punching bag and gym, but with all the boxes in the garage she couldn't.”

This is the first thing I would do. But just do it. Don’t expect anything in return. Don’t say anything about you is going to do it. After it’s done don’t say you did it. JUST DO IT. She will notice. When cleaning up around the house think of things she would like. (Like my W pick flowers). It’s a great way to keep your mind off stuff and when she see these thing how can she not be thinking about you.

But DON”T EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETUN. It’s strange but in my sitch I didn’t expect anything but it kind of came naturally for her. She started doing thing for me also. When / if this happens don’t make a big deal out of it but thank her for want she does for ya

Husband

Husband,

You bloody BEWDY, I will do that. Clean it and they will come.............

I will hire a ute and move all the boxes this weekend.

Cheers big ears,

Gidday mate

Hey andyv
I posted this on my thred but I wanted to make sure you saw it. the only problem is it is probaly night where you ae so you will not see it until morning here it is anyway.


The lap top computer my W bought me (with my money) came today. See I get the bonus twice a year at work and I ALWAYS pay bills with it.
I just received on first one this year. I was out side and my W came out and said I should get a lap top computer with some of the bonus this year. (If I was going to blow that much money I would rather get something for my jeep) but having her suggest that I spend that much money on myself made me think I always put my wants aside for the family. And since she suggested the lap top witch I could use. Why not. She asked me If I wanted her to order it. Since she knows more about computers than me, I told her OK. She spent about a week researching them picked one selected upgrades and even went up two models from the one I looked at. I kind of figure she might be feeling guilty and wanted to do something for me so I let her.
Soooooooo now when she gets home tonight and we look at it together I think it will be a great opportunity to say: This is really nice I have to give ya a hug for this........

What do ya think?

Husband

Husband,

Mate, well done. It really does sound like you two are re-connecting and for her to research for all that time, incredible. She did it for you and you only, how marvelous is that.

I am so happy for you. Please keep doing what you are doing. Every day seems to be getting better for you.

I hope that with all the revelations I have had over the last few days, my W starts to get some feelings back also.

I feel that I am probably rock bottom at the moment, with W telling me that she and OM are going to start a serious relationship, and she has told her family (not her mother or father, only sisters and cousin). The problem I have is that they have not done anything, not even kissed yet, but he is ready to take the next step (after he was not interested for the last few months). She said that if it progresses, then good, but she will not be rushed into anything.

At least if I knew that she had already had PA with him, it may not hurt so much as waiting for the event to happen.

Is it normaly the case that the W starting a R with OM to be happier and more caring to her betrayed spouse. This is what is happening at the moment, now that the burden of secrecy has been lifted. She is much more pleasant.

And the sad thing is that she is telling me to find someone, and even suggested dating some of her friends to make her feel better, because she wants me to be happy too. How friggen crazy is that.

Is this the way all women going through MLC and an OM behave???? I find that I am at square one with my DBing.

But it really is good to hear your news Husband. I will always keep my fingers crossed for you.

AndyV

Andyv,

The wife's spouting typical fog babble. Of course she wants to have some guilt release by you having a GF!

She's guilty and the euphoria of the "secret" release will soon wear off.

Treat her with respect, but through her choices she is no longer part of your "inner circle". Make your life fun, give her oppurtunities to join but never wait for her or plan around her. It's you and the daughter now so make sure you keep the family unit strong. Remember, it's not "splitting the family", it's not "we both decided". She wants out and is having an affair so make sure that information is what people get if you want to pass anything on. She's leaving, abandoning the family. You and your daughter will be fine. Have a nice weekend and I hope you and the daughter have something nice planned!

OTB