well folks seems I've filled up yet another thread so here's a new one!
the title "you never know" hmmm well as some of you may recall I have been considering taking on a part time job or going back to school for a masters but there has been some issue of paying for school soooooo...
last night I went and took a cpr course that was being organized by one of the members of my book group. (she needed a certain number of attendants to hold the class, so I volunteered to go, after all knowing cpr is a good thing) So the class was given by the two members of our towns ambulance company, the rest of the "employees" are volunteers. the town pays for all education (even up to the paramedic level) and supplies uniforms and all that stuff, all that is required is a two year commitment (i assume the commitment is a bit longer the more education they pay for) one night a week "on call" with a beeper, and one weekend day/night a month.
hmmmmm... interesting, my family has worked in the medical feild my dad is a ff (firefighter) emt, my bro was an emt and now a ff, my other bro worked for a chair car (transported patients to and fro) and my mother works in medical transcription so I am not ignorant to the realities of the medical field. this is something that would cost me nothing but a bit of time and commitment.
I would be contributing to my community gaining a valuable education at no real cost to myself or my family. I may find that the "job" is something that I enjoy and could go on to get a paid position if nothing else I'd gain experience and some self confidence something good to put on a resume an opportunity to feel more a part of the community (and meet more people in town)
so then "you never know" where you will find inspiration. right now I am inspired, we'll see when I get back the results of my cpr "test" if I pass with flying colors then I will go speak to the director of the ambulance co. he ran the course and is looking for new recruits (5 actually)
hmmmmmm!!
as far as the h sit? things are things. I got a bit emotional last night after a physical encounter (emotions run high then I guess) and h asking what was wrong I couldn't help but say "I just want you to love me" and h replied I do love you. then we laid down to go to sleep and h said no more, I said "I know you don't know what to say to comfort me" h said " I am sorry, I want to be here with you and the kids" (ok I know the kids are important but adding them in seems to dismiss the "us" a bit) I go downstairs for a bit to regain some composure, when I return I appologize for getting upset (am I insane? I have every right to get upset) said I try not to, h says I know, I say "I just don't know how you feel" h says "I've told you how I feel" (ya many different things like half of you wants to be here with me and the kids and the other half wants to be with pitiful ow) I say again, yes but I'm telling you that I don't know how you feel.
that is that...
dd woke at 4 am??? dd slept and woke every so from 4am on at one point son even came to my room to let me know she was awake (she woke him up) eventually I gave up trying to get her to go back to sleep and came downstairs with her and s at 6 ugh!
h off to work after my filling him with toasted donught and english muffins (the kids had english muffins and yogurt) h made my tea this am, I made his coffee.
h supposedly will be home early today as he only has some "stuff" to do in the office. "just a couple hours"
so the kids and I are off to drop off book club books to new members, get an oil change, pick up gift for new baby at neighbors, find a snow suit for dd, copy a pic for h's "cave" and whatever other fun we can find.
have to think about how to start at the gym... go a night by myself to get comf with the place? start with a trainer on the circuit? start with an areobics class? start during the day with the kids in their day care?
so as you can see some things to think about here, but at least they are MY things and not h r things.
Great opportunity with the town paying for some medical training. You're right, it gets you out to meet different people, gives you something to focus on, and you help people.
Quote: right now I am inspired
Quote: I got a bit emotional last night after a physical encounter (emotions run high then I guess) and h asking what was wrong I couldn't help but say "I just want you to love me" and h replied I do love you.
Didn't you just have a physical encounter? Hmmm...two times within a few days?
Quote: I said "I know you don't know what to say to comfort me" h said " I am sorry, I want to be here with you and the kids" (ok I know the kids are important but adding them in seems to dismiss the "us" a bit)
Yes, LL, but he said "you" before he said kids. I'm sure he feels ALL of you are important. Don't you?
Quote: I say "I just don't know how you feel" h says "I've told you how I feel" (ya many different things like half of you wants to be here with me and the kids and the other half wants to be with pitiful ow) I say again, yes but I'm telling you that I don't know how you feel.
Maybe you are mixing up how he felt before with how he feels now? Before he felt half and half. Now, like I told you yesterday, the pendulum has crossed the middle point and going the other way. Right now it's about trusting what he says, LL. He's told you what he thinks you want to hear. Right now the pendulum is not far enough over for him to affirm his undying love to you. I know that's what you want...me too...
Quote: I am sorry, I want to be here with you and the kids" (ok I know the kids are important but adding them in seems to dismiss the "us" a bit.
I apoligize if my memory is not correct, but didn't you mention that your H was not entirely supportive of you wanting a second child and that he left shortly after she was born? I would think along with his decision to come back would be the onslaught of guilt over the abandonment of his infant children which could understandably be just as big an issue to him as walking out of the M and/or his preception that you may be concern over his commitment to your children. I would think then he would put as much (or more) emphasis on assurances about not abandoning the kids as he does to say he is here for you.
hey dotto, glad to hear you are getting back to you. I understand the loniless too, but it will pass once you discover yourself. pick a night and we can get together for dinner or something.
things are ok maybe most of it is just me wanting more from h then h is capable of giving? I don't know, so think it's best to just keep the focus on myself and the kids instead and just let him be him and decide over time what I will do about the sit.
Doing a quick flyby this morning - schools are closed due to the snow we had here. W had three appointments / commitments already on her plate so I'm working from home - at least trying to.
Hope that you and your loved ones have a great weekend!
well folks things seem to be ordinary round the ole LL house these days I suppose. tues night I went to the gym, wed night I went to a cpr class, thurs night though for some reason I wanted to run away I stayed home. I ended up lighting my own fire while h played (or rather watched tv with son) and then just hung out watching tv myself after the kids went to bed. h spent some time at the puter reading an interview (football) but at one point I was laughing out loud at a show and h kept asking what are you laughing at, now I know it's rude but h is oblivious to my questions from afar so I didn't answer him, he ended up comming in to see what was so funny I said the show. he went back to puter for a few and then joined me but by that time I was tired and went to shower and off to bed. that was that. the cuddling was a bit suffocating last night. sometimes I feel cuddled other times I feel like there's a dead-weight arm lying over me.
this am I woke with dd at 6 ish h said he would soon follow however he did not come down til 9 when the bacon and french toast were done.
h said I get to sleep in tommorrow fair is fair right. so with that I went and made him a fresh pot of coffee to fill his travel cup with. ( h doesn't mind instant or day old reheated but I figured fresh was deserved for realizing its not fair to sleep in and not let me do the same too!)
h had said he'd be home by 4, well 4 30 still no h, son called him to ask to bring home some milk, h no answer left message (son left message) h calls back 10 min later. i give son phone to answer (caller id) they talk for a few and then the phone is given to me. bla bla bla
I ask what happened. h says oh nothing just had to make a pit stop at the mall. for what I ask. I was at the mall yesterday if you wanted something why didn't you tell me I could have picked it up for you. well I wanted to get this. oh i'll show you when i get home. what is it. can't tell you it's a surprise, it will look good though and that's all I'll say.
Quoting lostlove: ... did not come down til 9 when the bacon and french toast were done.
My mouth has been watering all week as you have described those breakfasts you've been making. If you ever decide to open up a Bed & Breakfast, let me know!
maybe most of it is just me wanting more from h then h is capable of giving? I don't know, so think it's best to just keep the focus on myself and the kids instead and just let him be him and decide over time what I will do about the sit.
