Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC thoughts and observations

I am loving the discussion here! I'm really not a trouble maker, perhaps some see me as that, I'm just merely someone with a different point of view. First, AMYC, I admire your spirit, its what makes you what you are! I'm curious about the bikini you are talking about wearing, is it a whip cream bikini, or a cloth one? LOL Be carefull of teasing us sex starved divorced men about wearing bikinis!! Back to more serious discussions, I love the different points of view! One of the things that I do about myself is keep an open mind about all things, just because I have a certain point of view or particular stance on a subject doesn't mean I won't hear someone else'e opinions or change my views if proven wrong, I also admit when I am wrong. With that being said, RCR, you bring up some interesting points regarding statistics. Yes, I agree with you in several areas, first, stats can be skewed, yes stats can be misleading, yes, the vast majority of divorces do not have to happen. I agree wholeheartedly with all of that. Unfortunately, divorces that don't need to happen do happen. Why do they happen? Different reasons of course! LOL Most of which I feel are based on one spouses desire for something more or better. Do they find it? Stats say NO, they do not. How do I know this? Simple, more second marriages fail than first ones. Also, women in their late 30's and above are more likely to NOT get remarried. Why is that you ask? Men who are older are more likely to try to find someone younger. Why is that do you ask? Well, I don't have the stats on that, but I feel its because older men percieve younger women are more exciting and it makes them feel better about themseleves. Ladies, I DON'T SHARE THAT POINT OF VIEW!! Please don't kill me for saying that! I am only offering my perception on things. Do all men feel that way? Absolutely not!! I am one who doesn't!!! I also know there is a growing trend for younger men to be attracted to older women, particularly 30 something women, however, it doesn't seem as though those relationships are very long term, I don;t have any real numbers on it, just what I am percieving. So, with all of this being said and with all of this scientific data LOL, Why do people get divorced knowing that the next relationship will more likely fail than getting into a first one, plus, bringing problems into the next relationship from the last one? I have a theory on that as well.... People are fasinated with the great big WHAT IF! WHAT IF this is the miracle person I have been waiting for all my life!!! WHAT IF I can have it all!!! WHAT IF this is the fairy tale romance!!! WHAT IF is a POWERFULL pull!!! Also, I truly believe our society has become so tolerant of poor behavior and character that many people have no shame anymore of most things they do. I believe than in the USA the only crimes that will get you shunned by the public are murder, child molestation, and rape. Besides that, people, for the most part have a mild reaction to the actions and behaviors of others. In my humble opinion, that is why it is easy for people today to walk off and leave thier families, abandon children, and make a complete and totall ASS of themselves. I do realize there are some issues still unresolved from childhood that trigger this and keep it going, but really, our society for the most part doesn't hold people accountable for their actions, thus it makes it much easier for people to behave as they do. A little more anaylsis from me, and I guess a little more fuel for the fire!

After the bomb, I took my H away for a weekend to try to work on the marriage. He asked me to buy a bikini to wear at the hotel. I was so modest that I had not worn a bikini since I was 10. I got the courage to wear one and it did the trick for the weekend but it turned out he was in contact with the OOW the whole time we were away anyway. Oh well, I tried! Objectively, I think I looked pretty good in it for being past 40 with two kids.

This discussion has got me thinking about a couple of things.

First, statistics......

You can say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, that is for the population as a whole. You have to consider your sample. To me a more interesting stat woule be, what percentage of marriages end in divorce where the LBS chooses to not give up? You cannot consider a statistic to be useful without taking in to consideration the make up of the population being sampled.

Second, The differences be men and women in MLC.

This is something I have been thinking about for a while now. I suppose it is meaningless in reality, but it interests me and it is loosly related to this thread. I use to think that the difference was related to the WAS and the innate maternal instincts of women. However, lately, I think there is more to it than that. I think the the LBS plays a large role in the difference. From a lot of posts that I read lately, it would seem that a lot of the men tend to give up on their W much easier then the women give up on their H. It seems that lately, many of the men have been giving up. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but I find it interesting. There does also seem to be a bunch of bitter men around that are all too ready to jump in when a another man is on the edge with comments that are basically saying "welcome my way of thinking, now you are a man again. Run away from that crazy woman"

I will admit that my perspective is somewhat skewed because, like Jazz, there is no OM. I admit that if that becomes the case, I don't know how I would react (in terms of standing). I'd like to think that I would do the right thing for my children, but I don't know. I do not judge anyone going through that issue, I'm just making observations.

Wow those are good thoughts. I actually read a book that was about marriage after an affair. In the preface is actually said that the book was supposed to be gender bias but in the research done they found that men who are married to a WAS usually feel to hurt to make it to reconciliation.

Notice I said usually. Meaning not all men.

It would also be interesting to see the stats on MLC people who want to return. They say that 80% of MLCers try to return but what percentage of that is men and women. Not that it matters right now but it would be interesting.

mimi

Half Missing, are you trying to get me all worked up by telling me about you wearing a bikini too? I warned AMYC about telling us divorced men about wearing bikini's and such! LOL Just be carefull!!

Hey the MLC diet dropped 40 lbs off me.....im thinking bikini too..

OK ladies! Its obvious to me that you are making me pay for writing this post by talking about wearing bikinis and such! LOL I guess I will have to be more carefull about what I write in the future!

Now this would be an interesting stat. How much weight does the average LBS lose? Jazz is at, what did you say, 40+ lbs? a new 2moro is at 40. I saw on another thread a guy lost 70 or so. I'm at 55 now. Good for something at least, so it seems.

But to important matters. Amy - bikini - ??? Tell all girl!

Braveheart, great topic. I'm a "newbie" and while this stuff scares the living hell out of me, it doesn't scare me off. I'm going to stand tall, no matter what. I tell myself that right now, but I know when it gets difficult, sometimes too difficult to bear, there are a lot of good people here that have propped me up.

RCR - Imageer - Holly - Amy - Lisset - Jazz - Valentine - cire2

THANK YOU ALL AND ANYONE I MAY HAVE MISSED

Mimi - I've been giving #1 a lot of contemplation in my situation. Describes us perfectly, but then again so does MLC for her. THAT is what makes it so confusing.

By the way braveheart, I have to commend you on what you did on behalf of the children. You don't need my compliments, you know you did what a MAN would have done. Unfortunately, us men sometimes don't get enough credit for what we are ready, willing and able to go through for our children. I will stand tall through whatever hell I have to go through to save my family and keep us together. I pity the person who gets in the way of that. My children need their mother happy and healthy, and they need their parents together, in the same house full of love. We all have different situations that we deal with, some harder than others, and I hope I end up as one of the success stories. I hope all of us find what we are looking for.