I'm surprised you expected anything from him for your birthday. Why are you so angry? You already know he's in a strange mental place right now so his behavior fits exactly how I'd expect it to. Of course he's a real jerk at this time and you don't want him back right now... wanting him back is only something to consider in the future when/if he wakes up from the MLC.
Why even allow him to make you angry? You should have ignored the phone or told him you are busy celebrating your birthday and will talk with him another day... o, if he insists he must talk with you, tell him to send an email (and then, before you reply, think very carefully what you write... treat him like a co-worker).
All this drama is only pulling you both further apart and you are strengthening their relationship.
As far as keeping the kids away from her that's up to you. I would probably discuss this with a lawyer and go with what he or she says. Do you want OW to like the kids or dislike them? Stepmoms and girlfriends can turn a father (who loved his children) "against" them. Right now he's fighting you on these things because he wants to get back at you and likes seeing you angry (because it confirms he's doing the right thing... your anger is proving to him and her that you are a B....h and thank goodness he woke up realized it and now has found happiness.. that's the way they both see this whole thing...).
If you ever finally detach that will stop.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Lost, listen to ROOT. Do not put any expectations on your H. He will disappoint you everytime guaranteed. Until he sees for himself the mess that he has created he is going to be a jerk. Do not give him anymore ammo. Do not let him effect your moods. I know it is hard to put aside your dreams that have always included your S, but you are going to have to. Remember this A will not last. It is a ticking-bomb waiting to go off. Let it. Detach. Enjoy finding yourself, enjoy your kids.
