Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy W is nuts, and I need to detach......

That country tune is hilarious! I think I'll write a tune about affairs and pick up trucks and dogs. Oops you just did.

I like the country lyrics too. Too bad that there is a lot of truth in that....

Has anyone dealt with triggers from a year after the A? I am going crazy getting through this first year, summer will be hard, because things were OK last year (right before the A), July will be hard too, that's when I started my present job...and August will hit me like a freight train.....when she deceitfully had her A all the way through Dec, and no counseling yet.....

Sol

.......seriously, why can you not move past the affair? You are
obssessing about it way too much...as I told you in the very
beginning, some spouses will never, ever, admit to it...your wife
happens to be one...you need to get past that. You keep this
sitch in the past, forever bringing up the affair, over and over...your marriage is the problem, you both lack effective
communication skills, you both lack listening techniques.

Her affair was a symptom of all that represents your marriage.
It was her way of shutting out the pain...yet every day, you bring up the affair...you need to move past the affair. Let it
go for your own sanity.

By you mentioning it so much, you keep it alive...yet she was not
innocent when you married her...but this seems to give you the
power over her...your one-up. Let it go...

If you do get to a therapist, tell all...everything...even if she
doesn't go with you.

Good luck...

OK, I will tell everything.

I will go next week, on a Friday. W is off, but I will go if she doesn't.

I guess I am having lots of hiccups about it, and I will not bring up the A in my discussions......it's a start.

Doing better today.

Funny how getting some sleep can change my perspective on things.

If I focus on the positives - I will build on that, correct???

Hey sol

Welcome back. We all have good days and bad. I’m thankful we all don’t have our bad days on the same day. Who would pull us back on the wagon?

Stay strong.

I not driving, I’m just along for the ride

Husband

There is more going on in my sitch but the fact remains that my M has not changed - I have told a therapist everything that is going on.....and I am surprised to learn that my W is not changing, and my M has not changed. She is not going with me to counseling, she wants things her way, including sex (she decides when she wants it - not me)....and she wants for me to continue to provide.

I have decided that I am filing for separation. But I am going to continue to see my therapist to make sure I am thinking clearly here. I don't want this marriage.

sol

No one but you knows when the time is right. I’m glad you are going to continue to see your therapist. We sometime start heading in the wrong direction and need someone not connected to point us see where we are going.

Question when you said:” I don't want this marriage. Did you mead not want this marriage or not want this marriage as it is.?


husband

I don't want this marriage at all - mainly how it is - it's been the same way for 10 years, only it took my W to point out to me she wasn't happy, and she will not go to therapy.

There are issues I just cannot resolve on my own with her. She needs to be on medication for her anger and depression. I have been asked if she is bipolar - will never know unless she goes to therapy!

Bottom line - I am trying to change and I will be happy on my own and just make the best of everything. If my w doesn't want to change and give 150% to this M (which I see her just controlling it) then I will leave. I can't live this way....she knows that now. And I will not be her security blanket.

She will also use me for sex, it's on her terms.....when she wants it - never when I want it now - she has made that PERFECTLY CLEAR. And today she helped me pay a bill that had her name on it as well as mine - that's the only reason she paid it - to protect "her credit" - what she told me!!!!! She is looking out for herself - and she has no more room for love in her life for me. THAT is also clear. There is a BIG reason she will not go to therapy.....she wants things to remain the same and she doesn't want to see that she too has issues.

sol

I can relate to the bipolar issue. I think my W needs to be evaluated also but I can’ tell her this. She would not listen. I was hopping her C might mention it.
As for life it goes on. like you I can't and do not want to live like this either. But my sitch is not as drastic as you’res yet and I am going to give it a little more time. But like you I know if things do not change me to will come to this point.
We have grown. At first I could not imagine living without her. But Now I do see there is life out there.

Good luck and keep in touch your posts have been a great help to me

Husband