Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again I think we're piecing but it's scary

Thanks BM and 25yrs.

25 - I agree the past 2yrs cannot just be forgotten b/c they happened and H did alot of shitty things in that time. I do want this to work but I think you are right now is the hard work.

We chatted last night & he stayed & he really wasn't understanding what my hesitation is about on him moving back in.

I explained and in the end I just said "Look, I Love you and I want this M to work. Last week was fantastic with what you said to me & in asking me if you could move back in. Dont you remember I said I wanted all of that but that it would take some adjustment time & after all that has happened I need to see some enthusiasm from you & you need to show me that you are committed and happy to go the hard yard.

H said he remembered and I said well I am glad that you remember but your actions are not reflecting that.
He said he understood but I really don't know if he did.

I guess I just see what happens over the next couple of days and take it one step at a time. He turns 43 next month & he left 6 mths after turning 40. Maybe this truly was a MLC & he is just coming out of the fog.

Now 25yrs I am about to go & read your thread & see if I can learn anything from you......

Hi all thanks for your posts I know I haven't been on for awhile.

Well H has moved back in and it is going O.K.
The kids love it and they all seem to have a different relationship and for the better so that is good.

As for me well some days I am really happy he is home and just looking at him makes me happy. Other days I wonder what the hell I am doing.

It's like he has just picked up where we left off as though nothing has happened. I don't know what I expect but I guess I thought he would be more attentive, remourseful, falling over himself a little to please me but NO.

I then sit and wonder WHY. It is me that has this problem of needing him to make me feel good and I know that is wrong. I can only make me feel good but boy it's hard to let go of all my expectations but I am trying really hard.

The OW has not been in the picture for months and months probably going on a year now but I knew it was too good to be true. She is starting her crap again. She has heard at work that he has moved back home and is now telling my H that I have been harrassing her with phone calls.

H spoke to me about the conversation he had with her and I told H I definately had not phoned her and had no need or intention to do so. I asked if he believed me and he said he did. I reminded him of this rubbish that she caused months ago with all this accusation rubbish and said to him she obviously was not happy that he had moved back home. He said that could be it but that he didn't want all these hassles again.

I must admit I did say well I didn't invite her into my life she just invaded it.....Ooops....He didn't take that too badly though and I told him that he should go back and tell her that he had spoken to me and that I told him it wasn't me and that he believed me and we both did not want to go down this road again and that whilst we were sorry she was getting nuisance phone calls it had nothing to do with us and we were just concentrating on each other and our marriage and that he didn't wish to speak about it again.

Apparently he went and told her word to this affect and she basically called him a prick and me a bit#h and wouldn't talk to him at work for a few days.Boo Hoo. Anyhow I told him I was pleased he had done that as I felt that it showed her she had no place or power in our R.

Well that was 2 weeks ago and all has been fine until today. My mobile rang at work and who was it....yep the OW. She started off by saying she was just ringing to calmly ask me to stop calling her. I replied with "Listen ...... I have not rung you nor to I intend to start calling you, My H has told you this and you need to get a life and stop interferring in ours. You had your chance with him and you blew it and he is home now, just accept it and stop all these bull##it stories. If you have a problem call the phone company and get the number traced, you will find it is not me.

She came back with I don't care about your marriage of convenience as your h calls it and I am a single woman who will sleep with whomever I like. I asked her if she was implying that she was sleeping with my H and she said make of it what I will.
I replied that I thought she was pathetic and If she thought that her false accusations were going to drive a wedge in my and H's M then she was wrong. I told her I know for a fact he doesn't speak or see you other than when he has to at work and that she really needed to get a life and move on. I did also throw in that people at their work think she is pathetic and that my H and I think this phone crap is a joke but that I have no more time to waste on something that doesn't concern me and I would thank her not to contact me again.

I then hung up. I probably said way too much and gave her some power in even speaking to her but I couldn't help myself, this woman was such a problem to me in more ways than one for longer than I care to remember. The affair, the accusations, the phone calls, the abuse, the lies I just had to give her some back.

I rang my H and told him what she had said and what I had said and I told him not to ring her but to tell her to stay away from me when he goes back to work in 3 days. He said he will definately tell her to leave me alone and said I don't know why she would do that she obviously just wants to cause trouble with you and me. I told him that I believed she still wasn't over him and would do anything she could to cause us problems. I told him it was up to us not to let her do that. He agreed and we said we would speak when I got home.

I am still at work at the moment. I cannot believe that I have heard nothing from her in months and months and now that H is home she is on the phone spinning her rubbish. As if it is not hard enough learning to trust him again without her putting her 2cents worth in. I know she is doing it to cause trouble but it doesn't make it any easier.

I just had to vent and get it all out on these boards so I can try and go home calm to H. I wonder if this will ever end.

Anyhow feedback would be good...


Kim

Good response to the OW! Who does she think she is, just because she is single, she can sleep with anyone? What a loser! Could your H not find a job somewhere else, perhaps?

Kim,
It sounds like your H is showing commitment to the M. I would think her antics are a desperate attempt to reconnect with your H. It's a sign of a dead or dying R.

You sound disappointed about the quality of your R. How are you doing as far as the quality of your own life? I'm learning that even though a R is in Piecing, GAL efforts must continue or we'll return to old ways of relating to our spouses. We have to be stronger, happier, more comfortable with power, less dependent on our spouses, and continue to give them the space to work thru their own issues.

CL