Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy lostmybf

I know sometimes it feels like we are spinning our wheels. Wouldn't it be nice to have a crystal ball to see what the future holds for us? It's been 7 long months for me, but at this point I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I've made several DBing mistakes, but I'm working on myself. I am getting better at doing things for myself and detaching. Only you can decide what you can take. Don't make the mistakes I have made and talk about the OW. Maybe she will soon start to get on his nerves and he will see how much he misses his family.

talking to him about the ow isn't a problem bc my h won't even talk to me. go figure

Lost, I know this is not easy. Try to relax enjoy yourself and your boys. Stop worrying about your H. Like I have been saying this A will not last. Maybe now would be a goodtime to schedule a spa day for yourself. You deserve to be pampered, so pamper yourself.

-ERC

"but i am not going to let him use them to get to me bc he is upset or mad."

Your husband spending time with the kids isn't using them. He may be trying to do things to make you mad, but he can't do that unless you allow those feelings to emerge inside. That's what detachment is!!! It's not about physically detaching from your husband and avoiding him, It's about not letting what he says or does bother you. Detachment needs to be emotional. When you can do this the fighting and anger can start to diminish because only one person is angry (not you!!!).

He can't "get to you" unless you allow for those feelings. If I were you, I'd thank him for his interest in the kids and invite him to the party.

Last night was my D's 16th birthday. I was planning on taking her out to eat. I called H to see if he would like to join us. After school she told me that she couldn't go out to eat because the special youth program at church was starting earlier than usual. So I called H to tell him that the dinner was off, but he could stop by later for cake if he would like. He did come by. Part of me would like the girls to shun him, but I know that this is not fair to the girls.

Good for you Yoyo wife!!!! You're a great mom. I know exactly how you feel. I had those same feelings wanting my kids to shun their dad (I even had "good" reasons for encouraging it.. I didn't want them to grow up and do the same thing, or think cheating and leaving one's family is the right thing...). But I had to set myself straight on this. I grew up without a dad and that's an emptiness you carry your whole life. I didn't want my kids to carry it too.

runningoutoftime i did invite him to the party. i told him that i would move the location just so it would be on more neutral ground for everyone at like a park. especially since he can not come to the house. i am trying to make this work.. i am bending over backwards to do that. he is fine when things go his way then doesn't want anything to do with me when he doesn't get what he wants. i cant win for losing. my parents were not divorced and i never wanted my kids to have to go through this. i had friends that had divorced parents and they felt that they had to chose sides and i don't want that for my children. i even told my h that the children should not have to suffer for our problems.

LOBF

When ever you change plans to accommodate your H keep a log book. Playing devils advocate It may come in handy with dates and events if you ever (I hope not) but if you ever go to court or MC ( I hope so) to show haw accommodating you have been.

H

iam keeping a journal of everything but of course i do anyways. i am just having a hard time right now. i walked 4miles this morning and another mile tonight. it usually helps with the pain and clears my mind but the walk tonight didn't do any good. i still feel as miserable as i did before the walk. my h won't have anything to do with me. tomorrow will be a week since we talked except for 1 email and my response back. i dont know what to do at this point. i am so confused. he still blames me for calling the police and him getting the trespass notice. (even though it is his fault. i told him that if he came over here that i would call the police and he told me to go ahead.)

Lost

You had no choice, It is Done. At least he knows you mean business.
He was probably hurt, But what did he do to you. Your hurt is 10 times worst.

Stay strong. We are the better persons for sticking by our vows.

H