I agree that being friendly to him initially in a public setting is disconcerting.
I don't agree that an other person should ever be introduced to a family with children. To do so is to put something of a stamp of approval on the other person.
Since Choc's wife, if the affair progresses, will want to introduce the other man to her children in order to "normalize" and legitimize the relationship (textbook behavior), Choc having previously introduced other man could be inadvertently limiting his legal arguments to restrict other man from access to his children (a common component of a legal separation agreement).
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I need to make a couple of things clear here, since I have been obsessing over this somewhat, and I may have given the wrong impression.
He is her trainer, and in this lifestyle that includes a certain amount of contact. If he only calls her once every couple of days (unless she is deleting the calls; I'll know that on the 27th after my cell phone bill cuts), and not at all hours, and they don't talk very long. What can I accuse either one of them of?
The text messages have either stopped, or she's learned to delete them. I have started checking them NOT just at the end of the day anymore, but several times throughout the day, just to mix it up, and I've found none since Sunday, when my gut told me she was going to see him to tell him either to "cool it" or "I can't do this, I have to work on my marriage."
Her hours are accounted for. Again -- I'VE CHECKED. Each time she has said she was going to be somewhere, she's been there, that I've been able to tell (I obviously can't follow her, but there are no "gaps.")
She's written him no letters from her computer. I've checked both her personal and her work e-mail account, and have found nothing.
There are no OM notes in her planner, her purse, or her workout bag.
She's no longer searching "Older/Younger Relationships", and has never searched "Affairs" or "Infidelity". My wife has ALWAYS done web searches on whatever's weighing on her mind.
(She's also not exactly searching "how to work on your marriage" other than that one time.)
She has gotten neither extremely angry with me, nor strangely serene -- both of which would concern me.
No, she is instead displaying all of the earmarks of someone who is CONFUSED, who has put WHATEVER it was the two of them were thinking either OFF, or ON HOLD, until she can figure out her feelings for me, and what she wants to do with her marriage. SHE IS STRESSING, BIG TIME.
This could all change tomorrow, but this is what's going on right now. Yes, OM may be my biggest immediate threat, and it's certainly the part of this that I haven't been able to get out of my mind, but I do NOT think it's my biggest PROBLEM right now.
My biggest problem is, that my wife doesn't know if she has any feelings for me anymore, and doesn't know if she's mentally or emotinonally prepared (or even wants) to go thru the long, hard work necessary to repair our marriage. She's romanticizing divorce, and possibly even has some "self-sabotaging" going on. She has her defenses up, and she's started to dig trenches.
And I need to reach her, before it's too late, while protecting my family AND working on me, AND working on my finances.
whatever his schedule is, make sure your workouts coincide with it. he needs to see a LOT of you... preferably with you wearing your "NRA Lifetime Member" t-shirt...(you have one of those...right?) offer to spot him. "gee...these barbells are really heavy. wouldn't wanna drop them. that would be ugly".
whatever his schedule is, make sure your workouts coincide with it. he needs to see a LOT of you... preferably with you wearing your "NRA Lifetime Member" t-shirt...(you have one of those...right?) offer to spot him. "gee...these barbells are really heavy. wouldn't wanna drop them. that would be ugly".
I tell you, back in the day when I dallied with married me, if the guy's wife had singled me out for chatting, friendship, etc., it would have freaked me out bigtime.
When 2bx was having his EA with mini-me, I used social humiliation as an effective deterrent. My baby sister ran with the same crowd as mini-me but was much more popular so I just asked her to tell all the kids, even the ones who were closer to mini-me, that mini-me was a total loser who flirted with older married men because she couldn't get cute college guys.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
"No, she is instead displaying all of the earmarks of someone who is CONFUSED, who has put WHATEVER it was the two of them were thinking either OFF, or ON HOLD, until she can figure out her feelings for me, and what she wants to do with her marriage. SHE IS STRESSING, BIG TIME."
Choc,
This is GREAT. You have upset the applecart, which is just what you needed to do. Now, let her figure out that she wants you :-)
If you are right that she is pushing OM away to have space to figure out what she wants, then him pestering her in anyway is going to backfire and work in your favor. Let him be the pathetic one. You can be the strong, attractive, fun, exciting guy that really enjoys her, but will be just fine without her if necessary, thank you.
This is GREAT. You have upset the applecart, which is just what you needed to do. Now, let her figure out that she wants you :-)
If you are right that she is pushing OM away to have space to figure out what she wants, then him pestering her in anyway is going to backfire and work in your favor. Let him be the pathetic one. You can be the strong, attractive, fun, exciting guy that really enjoys her, but will be just fine without her if necessary, thank you.
Yeah, except she's TOTALLY shutting me out!!! Tonite, S10, S14, D18, W and I all went out for dinner at a local sports pub. We had had a really nice time (altho both my W and my sons were freaking that I sat next to their mother, which I NEVER do). Then my wife brought up to D18 that she had a "doctor's appointment" tomorrow, which is actually a 6-month re-check with the plastic surgeon on her tummy tuck. D18 balked, as she was busy tomorrow, so I said "You want me to go with you?"
"No, I'll be fine."
She's doing this on purpose. She ALWAYS has liked company for doctor's visits.
Today in car pool line, I called her, We had a nice chat for 10-15 minutes while she ate a salad in the car, and then she abruptly ended the calling saying "they want me to move up, I'll have to call you back."
30 minutes later, no call, and so I left for lunch. Got a voice-mail from her a little while later, saying "Sorry I didn't call you back, they were wanting me to pull up, and then (S10) got in the car, and I forgot to call you back. Call me, or else I'll just see you later."
I didn't call her back. I was pissed, because since the "bomb" she hasn't ONCE initiated a phone call to me, unless it's for something she needed (like today, when she needed her debit card).
When I came home tonite, she said "Did you get my message?" I just said "Yes," and I left to run an errand.
It's hard to show I'm the better man when she won't give me half a chance.
Maybe you should show up at the doc's office tomorrow.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
