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~((((((((((((((((SANTHONY))))))))))))))))))))))))))))~
Oh Santhony, your post brought me to tears.. you are the best and thank you for thinking of me. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to get thru and your daily help was a GODSEND. I know it helped keep me sane. It helped me focus on me and grow. I also had so much more stretching and growing to do once piecing began. Had I been stubborn and not changed and said hey I am fine like this I wouldn't have become who I today! It really means so much to me that you are proud of me.
Love, Ali

That is exactly what you need to do,, and it sounds easy but it is HARD work so good for you for doing this! It is vital for you and yes your Marriage will benefit greatly from it!

Just in January my H was still saying our R wasn't good. Wasn't like he needed.... an hour long convo of my negative qualities....... A SEVERE PANIC ATTACK LATER.....
HE SAID THIS to me....
" STOP worrying about me I AM FINE ~worry ABOUT YOU!" " I LOVE YOU EVERYTHING IS FINE,,,, JUST WORRY ABOUT YOU AND CHANGE!"
hurt ,, BUT THAT KICK IN THE a@* WAS exactly what I needed I was starting to hold my breath again and stand still. ~FEAR~
Don't do it honey,, grow and change and be the best you there is,, anything is possible!
GOD BLESS...

Ali,

Awesome!!!! You are a wonderful example of using mind over matter. You could have let many things hold you back, the tattoo, the painful memories, H's shortcomings, but you chose the high road. I am so proud of you, and happy for your success.

Now, I think you have a tiny obligation. I think it's time for you to send a letter to Michelle, tell her all about your sitch, start to finish, so she can post it in the "Another Divorce Busted" thread. You know how difficult, seemingly impossible it seems when you're in the heat of battle, and so many can be inspired by your success story.

Thanks for the update, and keep up the wonderful work.

Love,

COG

Thank you COG,, it means the world to me ,, that you are proud of me. Really it does...

I post and I post and I keep working and when you told me a SHORT while ago to send a letter to Michelle ...

I thought to myself " OOOOH,, REALLY????... is this really for sure busted,, do I send the letter ? What if I mess this up,, etc. etc. etc?"
I was honestly too scared to do it! I was a little too nervous to do it,
I wasn't as comfortable as I am today. Sure I posted a lot of positives but now I can say I really do feel in my heart it is truly BUSTED!!!!! And I feel strongly that "this" has passed and I made it thru the other side and I will continue to work on my M and make it my top priority. I know I am truly blessed to have been able to save what was and will always be so dear to me!

How do I send her a "letter",,, I looked in another divorce busted and you can't just Post there. Your help on this would be most appreciated. I am ready now and I know I am strong enough to keep this up,, I too am proud of me and it feels so good to say that! Sad to say at 36,, I finally found me and am living in truth and living the way I always would only dare dream of,,, not perfection or sheer bliss just real Happy with my two feet on the ground!
GOD bless....

Ali,

The telephone numbers etc are on the "Contacts" page, and her email address is:

michele@divorcebusting.com

Let us know when you get posted.

COG

Sorry Ali,,,didn't mean to hijack your thread! I just really needed to talk to :

COG!!!

I have been in "Separated" for a while,,also in "Newcomers",,,YOU are the one I needed some insight from b/c of the fact that I have been separated for over 4yrs, just met w/Michele W.D. w/H today (5/30) and don't know what to think after our meeting & what was said!! I'm sooo lost, scared don't know what to do??!

Knowing that you were separated for as long as I & MADE IT to piecing, I think I need to follow your lead, so to speak. If you can offer up any assistance?? It would be sooo much appreciated!

Thanks, Kim
~sorry,,still don't know how to link or insert threads, oey!~

No problem hijacking.. I let COG know you are wanting to talk to him... Take care and God bless... ALI

Kim,

Setting up a thread is easy. Just go to the topic, "Separated Now What?" etc, then click the tab that says "Topic Options", then click "New Topic". That's it, so I set one up for you. Here's the link, KimsThread I'll respond to you over there.

COG


Topic Options
New Topic

I have been trying to post for days now and I dunno where the time went... I have been keeping really busy with work and also with getting my house in real order. Also some time to just spend with the kids and just have fun and relax. I rarely if ever do that I mostly always try to keep busy.

I feel more progress and I feel more sense of stability coming. I am stronger than I have ever been in years and I am really ppoud of that. I am also stronger in my personal relationships! My good friend in Florida told me I finally grew a set!!!!! Thank God it is only a figure of speech!!!

I am feeling very grateful lately and very Happy and also very "lucky". I have many blessings and I am so Happy at what has transprired this past year,,,, I was left for dead and did I lay there and just die? Sure for a bit but then I got my ass in gear and left no stone unturned and cleared out most of the garbage that did me no good. It is real hard to put your pride aside and see you for who you really are. yes I had alot of great qualities and I wasx, y and z!

BUT,, I was not who I am today and I did need to work on a new stronger woman. I needed to love myself for me and , take care of me. I only wanted sometimes to cry myself to sleep, but then I would focus on the beauty that life has for us. I would pray so much too.I could not pretend the sky was not still blue and my kids were still here. Yeah the pain was OOOOOOH indescribable. Even ~ Now ~ I can cry and I can feel so much.

It was dificult to say the least and now it has taken me everything to get to where I am today.I have been married to this man for ten and a half years and yet when he told me today he loved me by the 3rd time I was in tears! Tears of joy but tears none the less. I dunno how to explain all these emotions. He told me he loved me 5 times today.. I dunno but I think that is a record for him!!!!!

I was looking at my youngest CHILD today and I teared up just thinking how this could have been so different. Last year when I talked to him it was like talking to a door or a wall. No emotion, no beauty in his eyes and no life behind them either. I do see the part I played in this and how much pain I must have put him thru for him to walk away,, and how he was defensive and afraid to come back fully to me like he has in the past 2 months , more and more. He was maybe even more scared than me?

Hard to believe but I think this is the case,, these last 2 months have not been without little bumps but they have been awesome and full of growth.

...... He is changing and that is for sure. he is finally giving me himself. I have waited ten years for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not kidding,,,, he is just who I fell in love with,, his love is freer, he is more open and respectful and very loving. there is just a tenderness and a vulnerability that was never there before. I feel we are very blessed and I feel so sad that we could have not enjoyed this sooner.

He always tried to tell me to show him my love not tell him. For years and I never got it~

~ never 'til he was ready to say goodbye.

He called yesterday for me to do him a favor and I said " HEY YOU COULDA CALLED TO SAY ILY OR I MISS YOU.." AND HE REPLIED " you know ~I DO~" I started to get choked up and had to let him go.
Like I said .... this is good. To me those words are better than anything in the world........I wonder if he feels blessed too?
I feel so grateful that I have been blessed..


* This Fathers day will mark the day I found out about her.... Over and done with but for some reason the dates still haunt me some. I do make it thru most days w/o thinking of her but these next few weeks will still be bittersweet for me underneath it all. I cannot pretend it never happened.

I can just have the courage to smile and know that all the tears and pain and really hard work are behind me now and now I need to remember to continue to grow and love the best way I know how,,, I cannot control him,, I can only control myself. Keep loving and growing and give myself w/o fear. Harder than it sounds,, but I will keep doing it.
God bless....

June 2, 2007
Poised To Move On
Capricorn Daily Horoscope
A thoughtful mind-set can put you in the mood to reflect upon your past today, and you may not be pleased with all you find in your personal history. Pain from long-forgotten wounds can assail you and even cause you to feel a renewed sense of bitterness. The very considerate point of view that inspired you to look backward today may also compel you to look forward, toward reconciliation. Whether you feel that this is the right time to reach out to those you clashed with in years gone by, or you would prefer to let such people remain in your past, you will likely find satisfaction and freedom in offering up your sincere forgiveness

We do not have to address each issue that contributed to the difficulties that were a part of the relationships we have found to be challenging over the years to let go of the pain we feel. When it comes time to move on, we need only forgive those whom we believe wronged us in some way before continuing forward with our lives. While these individuals may never know that we have absolved them of any responsibility and indeed, we may not feel comfortable approaching them at all something changes within us as we divest ourselves of any lingering pain. The ties that bound us to these hurtful experiences are dissolved, and we are free to leave them behind without retaining even the slightest ill will. You will feel more amenable to reconciliation today when you realize that all that is required of you is your ability to forgive.
THIS WAS IN MY EMAIL TODAY
I JUST READ IT A FEW MINUTES AGO~ wow... NO BITTERNESS IN ME THOUGH NOT A DROP~
GOD BLESS AND GOOD NIGHT!
http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/userinfo/mydailyom.cgi