He stayed patient with me. He never criticized me. He cherished me. When I just couldn't do something... he'd give me a hug, a big dopey grin, and say... well... no big deal, let's watch a funny movie.... or go do something else... and off we'd go. He'd make me laugh, and little by little, the confidence I had lost in myself began to grow again.
Corri, I just have to chime in and say that this is a 100% accurate description of my path back to HD land as well. And honestly it was the opposite of this that drove me to LD land. When I had a back injury and there were times when I just couldn't move because I was in pain or exhausted, XH would withdraw and pout and tell me he had a right to feel crappy and rejected. Well, yes, he did. However, I found it pretty selfish that he chose to go with the self-indulgent pouting rather than to cuddle up and share ourselves in other ways. It was his way or nothing and I was left feeling rejected, resentful and like the only thing he wanted from me was intercourse to HIS specifications. A real desire killer. It also made me feel like we were not a team anymore and he was only about himself which made me feel like I had to protect myself which made me less open with my feelings. ALL my feelings including desire.
So Cemar, you're getting some valuable perspectives here. Any thoughts?
Bear
The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
--Marcel Proust
Ladies. Go easy on CeMar. He's not ready for Choc's 2x4.
He is a man hurting... an entitled one... sure. But there is feeling below it. Let him come out of his shell on his own, if he wants. If he doesn't... he'll continue to gripe. And that's okay, too.
Sometimes, when you have a headache... it feels really good to bang your head against a wall.
Corri
Corri, that's true at times, I can agree with that. However, CeMar has been banging his head against the same wall for at least three years (that I know of during my time here), when you've banged your head against the wall for so long you tend to lose feeling, or you just hurt that much more. I see him doing this though still expecting that something will change, without changing his actions (that we know of). Sometimes I think it's necessary to push a bit to get someone out of their comfort zone when they are in a rut (which is what I think he's in, an entitlement rut)....then if they still resist, backoff....or drop the rope completely.
No one can force him out of his shell that's for sure, he has to do that on his own....but sometimes prodding is helpful, even the occasional 2x4....although with his very linear thinking, I don't think the 2x4's actually help.
I would walk up close to her and she would realize that I would like a kiss,
You mean you just stood there silently while she figured it out?
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so she would go, "Oh", and lean up to give me a peck. ON a scale of 1-10, that would be a 1. So she has a double whammy, she must find a way to like kissing me, and then be able to PROVE to men that she likes it. THere is no reason to kiss someone if they DON'T like it.
Be able to "PROVE" to you that she likes it?
What happened to the kissing after a week? Did you stand there silently and she didn't initiate the kiss, or did you stop coming in close to her for the kiss because it wasn't passionate? Did you say anything to her or she to you?
Do/have you ever come up behind her and nuzzle her neck?
Cemar, when two people become this disjointed in the physical relationship it is going to take time and several "not so great" encounters to get reconnected. You can't throw away the whole enchilada just because there's no passion initially. Why don't you get back in line for those kisses?
Are you ever lighthearted or funny with your wife?
