Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Sashaying thru Seperation III

MC,

Yes, I am kind of scary.

--Theoden

OK, get your boards out or whatever you need. I need a kick in the a$$. I am down for some reason this afternoon. CW has been very friendly and talkative, although I try to keep it short. I so badly want to see progress, it is getting harder and harder not to pursue her. I want to hold her and make everything better. I want this nightmare to end. Unfortunately, I have no idea if I want to see the ending.

Sorry for the pity fest, but I needed to vent.

Hey guy, I’m with you. GIVE ME SOME SIGN. Well last night I asked my W something (I was so shocked I forgot what I asked her) anyway she gave me that answer in her kind of loud voice like I should have known the answer. As usual I answered back “ok ok I was just asking”. Then she said “sorry I wasn’t yelling I was just telling you” she said this in a nice voice. What? She was worried that I though she was yelling? It’s something small but I can’t remember the last time she apologized to me (Still has not for the PA)
Anyway I see it as a sign..

Hang in there

H

I think the jist of my funk is the fact that CW has taken a few more items to her apt, and seems to be settling in. I know that it is no change in our sitch, but it still gets me down.

how long has she been there? maybe she might start to get that alone feeling. Is the OM moving in also? If not maybe now that they can be together 24/7 the party might be over. Sorry your feeling down. My W has not moved out so I can't totaly relate but from what I have read in other posts. Just because our S move out it's not over many have moved back.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

H

She moved out 4-13-07. OM has own house. They aren't moving in together any time soon as far as I know. I won't allow it with the kids. That's the weird thing. OM was out of town until tonight. She could have been with him but she was aroung here. I am so friggin confused, I don't know what to do but smile and wave.

You seem as desperate for a sign as I am. I keep looking for the little things. Like the baby steps we are taking to try to repair our R’s.

You said it yourself.” That's the weird thing. OM was out of town until tonight. She could have been with him but she was around here”
I don’t know if in my sitch if I’m just grasping at straws but I try to find and look at things that are not said. Little things that my W does that are not what she would / should do if she was calling it quits. She could have been with the OM but she wasn’t. This is a good sign to me.
In my sitch. The little “thank-you for going out with me letter” I sent my wife just disappeared. If she was truly ready to call it quits I would have found it in the trash all crumpled up. Even if she took it to work to throw it away. Her FIRST reaction was not to just toss it. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings and throw it away at home. Still she had some compassion not wanting to hurt my feelings.
Use the fact that she could have been with the OM but was with you instead as a little moral booster.

Take it easy (or like me take it anyway you can get it)

H

I disagree with the desperate for a sign thing, I think it is more the second thing you mentioned about what she should/could be doing if she was really calling it quits. She seems to want to so stuff with me when she could be away from me. This week I have been laying low and not encouraging contact in person or on the phone. I e-mailed her a couple things Mon and rather than reply to me, she calls. It was logistical stuff. That is what starts to wear on me, is the confusion.

I know that sometimes little things just send us into a tailspin. Our S's are confused and their confusing the heck out of us "sane" people! ha! It's so dang hard not to see progress. Actually, I think you are seeing progress but it's just not happening fast enough for you. And, you are seeing positives; but, sometimes those positives make it even more difficult because it seems like our S's are getting a clue and yet they aren't really ready to make a commitment to the M yet. Sooo frustrating... I'm with ya'!

MC and Husband,

Please be careful trying to read to much into what they are doing - you just set yourself up for false expectations! Trust me I know - H and I moved way to fast, yes he's coming home but only out of duty and that's not what I wanted all along and stated it to him CONSTANTLY!!!

These things have to take time or the next phase will take twice as long - you cannot rush this. We cannot determine the timeline only the WAS can - unless of course we want to end it once and for all.

I started reading DR again from the beginning b/c now without the OW I feel I have a fairer shot at trying to make this work than the last go around.

We all need to focus on US and how we are getting on in our lives with or w/o our S's...

Happy Hump Day!