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At least you have the strength to do that. I have a hard time with it because of the kids. But I have not called him. I do not go out of my way to answer all of his calls. If he calls me and I do not answer I will call him back on my terms.

But he is still interested in the kids so it is hard to not talk to him and go completely dark.

Has he tried to contact you since you went dark?

mimi

He finds excuses to txt or e-mail me. I am polite but detached and I do not initiate contact at all at this point. I am getting a legal separation and have put the house up for sale. I know that this is the right thing to do because I need to do it for myself to get a life.
My kids are D19 and S21, each with their own cell phone so contact with them is through that. They tell me that he does alot of fishing about what I am doing, my plans ect. His contact with the kids is sporatic and only when OW is not available, unfortunately.
Ow is pressuriing H to have kids and her be one big happy family
I knoe they have discussed marriage and buying a new house. Ow has and awful lot of debt and H is her savior. I found out about the debt accidently. Ow had H put her on our joing banking cards. I viewed her financila situation. I think it was the universe acting.

Wow, that is crazy. I think I would freak out having the OW on our cards. I guess the one good thing (or maybe bad) is that mine is pretty much living off of her. He is staying in her parents house with her, her daughter and her parents. She paid his hotel bills for a month and bought him a cell phone. He does not take much money out of our accounts. So it seems to me that she is buying him happiness.

It is good that your kids are older. Mine are 3,5 8.

good luck with the dark thing.

thanks I appreciate your concern and caring.
Part of my going dark is doing the opposite of how I was in our M. I talked alot, I was always available, accomodating and dependable to him. Now i'm unpredicable and he is going to be wondering what next. I have also been married for 27 years and we have alot of money in investments and no debt. Once I saw her on the cards , heard him tell me about getting a house with her and now his buying a motorcycle I think I had better protect the nest egg that me worked so hard to accumulate.

Very smart.

I am not moving to quick. My L told me to sit tight for a while. Try to see how it goes and if he files first. We do not have much in the way of investments so she said it was a pretty easy case and I would get most of it because of the kids.

Very smart.

I am not moving to quick. My L told me to sit tight for a while. Try to see how it goes and if he files first. We do not have much in the way of investments so she said it was a pretty easy case and I would get most of it because of the kids.

my counselor asked me two things: 1)Annie is H trustworthy when he is with you and 2) has H been trustworthy when with OW
Who is H with?
That revelation had me pause and think. Also because I know the OW and some of her history since we have lived here She has in each relationship had someone provide things for her.

Just found out from my kids that H is taking the OW to meet his family and show off the new motorcycle.
So I swallow real hard, look myself in the mirror and say GAL Annie

H came today to take S21 for a spin on his motorcycle. Even though I am working hard at detaching I would like for him to want to see me,but I haven't seen him for a month. I get angry at myself because I feel rejected when he only does things with the kids.
On those times when I allow my ego to get the best of me I think "Damn you for replacing me with her"
Then I quiet my racing heart and think well Annie, for this part of his journey he has, so accept it and get you own life.

I found out from my son that the OW crashed our van. She hit and killed adog. She drives fast. They are angry at the dogs owner and are trying to get them to pay for the damages. LOL I found this so hilarious. The irony of it is that she allows her two dogs to roam free as well.

There are people coming to view the house on Monday and I have mixed feelings. Part of me wants to continue and get a life for myself and a fresh start will be good. Owning something myself will be satisfying too. But then I think... am I giving up?
Any thoughts. I feel alittle angry right now and a whole lot pathetic for being jealous that he came to see the kids but left before I got home from work.

I think what you are feeling is normal (at least from what I have read and experienced). I feel the same with my H. Jealous about him wanting to be with the kids and not me. It is heart breaking to me.

As far as the house I undertand. My house is on the market and I do not want to move from it. I feel that he has taken it away from me. I can not stay here on my own with the kids because it is to much for me to handle on my own. So now I have to change for him. I also have to deal with the kids not wanting to sell it. When He hears them crying (on the phone) he does not even say anything about it. I know that I will get through this and give these kids a nice home. On the other hand there are to many memories of him here. So maybe starting over in a new house is for the best.

Just believe in what you are doing and continue on.