Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Afterall..... This IS my life V

I would be so out of there. *shakes head in wonder*

I admire your perseverance. I really do.

Heather wrote:"Nops, I feel like you are right. My hopes for reconciliation need to be tabled, but I'm not emotionally strong enough to handle all of this again so soon!! "

So what do you think you need to do in order to be strong enough to face the beast?

On the bed issue, what's wrong with you sleeping on something less damaging to your back for a while, and him sleeping on the couch?

If he wants to spend 4k on "upgrades" why not spend it on a nice place to sleep for yourself?

What's wrong with just outright telling him that you are simply not going to play his game any longer. His retort would contain something regarding your staying, and you can tell him that you said nothing about leaving, just that you won't be playing his game any longer.

Are you emotionally able to stop playing into his drama?

-NOPkins-

Are you emotionally able to stop playing into his drama?

Apparently not. Nops, do I transfer the money to him or do I give up the bed?

Heather wrote:"Apparently not. Nops, do I transfer the money to him or do I give up the bed?"

I would prefer neither option, but given only the two options; He claims it is his bed, let him keep it and you keep your money.

-NOPkins-

Ok. So given this, what does it mean to 'not play his games' anymore? How do I not play? I already let him call all the shots, trying not to play. To not let him call the shots is to up the ante, which is, by default, playing the game.

I just had a thought. I called him back and asked him if he had planned to buy the stuff tonight. He said no. I said ok, then we can talk more about this later, I have some more things I'd like to discuss and I need more time to think about this.

He keeps saying how much this bed things means to him, what it symbolizes. Can't I ask him to negotiate with me? To show some consideration on one of the many things that are important to me and I'll return the favor.

Here's Hairdog's plan:
1. Save the $4k. (You're going to need it for attorney's fees, or a new (pre-owned) car. Don't throw good money after bad)
2.Go to Home Depot. Buy a long handled axe.
3.Chop up bed with axe.
4.Go to mattress store, buy new mattress and box springs. They'll throw in a cheapie frame for free. They usually deliver free, too.
5. Hide the axe.

I think talking about the money and the bed is a good idea, too. Sh!t, a woman's 2nd most powerful weapon is her mouth. With it, she can talk the average man to DEATH. I keed, I keed.

But seriously, heather, it's not about winning or losing at this point. It's about minimally acceptable behavior. He's substandard. I think it's because he's embarrassed about the porn surfing, and that he's suddenly given you a reason to distrust his word.

This is all backlash and smoke screen, to me.

I wish I had more answers for you, my friend.

Good luck tonight.

Hairdog

Heather - oh honey - I don't have much to add but I think your h is full of BS - the capital letters are intentional. I don't know what he's got going on but I think the man has a veritable Pandora's box of stuff to unload. If he did then you'd find out you had the upper hand in the R all along. I just don't think he's willing to unload it and that is not your fault.

Karen

heather said:"He keeps saying how much this bed things means to him, what it symbolizes. Can't I ask him to negotiate with me? To show some consideration on one of the many things that are important to me and I'll return the favor"

Let me respond with a question. Suppose MrsNOP comes up to me and says:

"You know that bed I won't let you sleep with me in? Well I need a new one and I want to buy it with your money. When can I get that check from you?"

What would you tell me to tell her?

-NOPkins-

I assume that Nop would say, "Gee sweetness, sorry to hear that the bed is uncomfortable - I hope the floor or the couch will work for you."

Karen