Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis is this MLC

Awww Sweetie.....I'm glad YOU are ok!!!

Blech.....you know her??? ICK! He's been helping her all this time?? Yup....he's a savior. Mine too. He's living with the person he saved. He's a guy tho It's a long long story, but it's the same in the end I didn't mean it like that. Or maybeeeeee.......

I'm so not the expert here....i've just been around a long long time....I love this BB and all the wonderful people here. We are a family within a family. I'm happy you joined, even happier you started posting! It's quite addicting tho, so be careful you'll soon be joining us in "Posters Anonymous"

I have a question, While I know that timelines are just guide posts and I am convinced that my H is in MLC and that I have detached what can I expect next?
I ask that because he has bought a motorcycle( OW has one), something that he said he would never do as our best friend died in a motorcycle accident when we were 17 years old. I haven't seen him since April 24 although I have had txt messages, e-mails and phone calls from him. My gut tells me that he does not want me to know that he has bought a Harley Davidson.
Before he left on April 21 he promised to spend my birthday June 21 with me. I have no expectations of that.
My question I guess is this, will he remain in contact or since it appears that he has revisited his teenage years and is having a ball will he not contact until he enters depression again?

My son doesn't like me to know some of the things he does either....because he knowes he's wrong, so his guilty concious tries to hide it. But I usually find out anyways.

I think your husband is struggling with many things right now, many different emotions are racing through his head. There is no exact time limit.......your doing fine by having no expectations. He's got to travel this road by himself. He, unfortunaltly will probably crash......but when? That is the ultimate question.

I know that this is his journey. God has told me as much and also told me that my H knows that he is going to crash and that I am not to be there to witness it. My H has a lot of childhood issues to deal with and is just running and avoiding... all under the guise that "I just want to be happy"
Last time when he was home he said it was difficult to look at me and that he was sorry for hurting me. He recognized then that I loved him unconditionallly and enough to let him go. I shared with him my vision from God that I was not to be a part of his hitting rock bottom. It will happen but God is sparing me that. Perhaps that is why I was directed to put the house up for sale.
Annie

Hi
I'm hoping someone can help shore up a sinking ship with some kind words.
I think I blew it in terms of all the great DB I have been doing. I have listed our house because I realize that I have to let go and get a life. A man arrived at the door tonight saying that my H sent him to look at the house. He is a police officer that is transfering to this area. Since we were not expecting anyone to come through to view the house my kids and I were a little upset that my H did not phone us first to tell us that this person was going to come by.
He introduced himself, saying that he knew my BIL ( a police officer too) and went on to say that my H told him he had finished everything in the house. I reacted to this untruth, the kids and I repainted, finished hard wood floors and got the entire house and property complete, by telling this man that my H and I were not together that my H was off reliving his second teenage years. If I am honest with myself I would say I did that in order to turn this man off because I am not sure I want to sell this house and because I was angry and disappointed ( my ego talking) that it has had to come to this.
I spoke with my daughter after he left to explain why I said what I did ( not right ) so that she would understand. I immediately have set a goal as not talking about my situation to any one. I am trying very hard to get alife and I feel like I had a major set back today. I need to refocus my energies and let go.

thank you I particularily liked the line "trying to move on with my life and live it rather than spend all my time here anymore. I guess since I really have no ties with the community and my kids are both relocating to continue high education selling the house and getting my own life seems like the right thing to do at this point.
I know that tonight I over reacted and set myself back by allowing my ego to get the most of me. I told a complete stranger, whom my H had sent to the house to view it without telling the kids or I , about my situation as a recation to the hurt I was feeling instead of acting detached. It bothered my daughter and she pointed pout how inappropriate it was. And she is right. I am not a victim but I sure did a good job of portraying one.
I intend to work very hard on that.

Annie

I forgave myself for my backslide yesterday. I am having a great day at work. I won the 50/50 draw, so I am now $100.00 richer.
thank you God.

From your new thread...running multiple threads can be confusing, so I'm pasting this here which will bump you up. Oh yeah, for some OWs. LEt her control him. I've herad many LBSs say that the reason their MLCer left the OW (whether the MLCer returned home or not) was because of the controlling--as was told to them by their MLCer.

It can take a long tim...but to me it seems to be the main reason for the eventual break-up.

Sorry though...I still don't get the lawyer part. I understand your financial concerns, but is there another way?

As for visions...yes, I absolutely believe. Not all KNOWINGS are visual either...there are many routes to communication. But have faith. If you felt you were supposed to put the house on the market and it wouldn't sell...well you may be right or you may have misinterpreted whether it will sell or not. BUT if it's on the market...people are going to view it right...but it still may not sell. It's tough, but follow Faith.

HUGS,
RCR

I am so sorry for you situation Trekker. How long has this been going on? I have just begun the journey but am still questioning whether to travel it or not.

I have not quite been as strong as you, so Cudos to you.

I hope things get better for you.

mimi

I thing the EaAstarted about 2 years ago, The PA In Mar 06. The awful thing about it is that it seemed like he wanted my approval of her. I know the OW she is also a police officer and works at the same detahment as my H. During the time from Mar until Sept when I had a conclusive yes to the PA I viewed their relationship from the outside so to speak, very difficlut and very painful.
In Sept I did the pleading, begging trying to over analyize and everything short of standing on my head. He came and went 4 times, each time doing something more and more bizarre and disrespectful. In his lucid moments he would tell me to protect myself and do what I needed to do for me.
He has a very strong addiction to this OW and is doing and acting in ways that I never thought possible.
As for my part I got counseling immediately and did a lot of work on me. I have detached and gone dark. I have not contacted him or accepted contact since Thursday May 10th.
After he was home this last time I realized that in ordered to allow him to have his own journey I had to detach completely. Don't get me wrong I am not giving up on my marriage and I do hold onto hope. I have put it in Gods hands and have asked for direction for me. What was the epiphany you ask? He turned to me and said "isn't she great, Annie she is taking me back and this is the forth time." After the shock of how skewed the world view was for him I realized that he is acting like that teenage boy after a tiff with their girlfriend confiding in their Mom. I am not his Mom, nor do I want to be. He runs to me every time he needed security or his R with the OW was rocky. So distancing myself, taking myself out of the game means that I maintain som of my sanity and get real strong and focused for the part where I am needed for this journey again.
Annie