I agree there is no conscience in our S's. I also agree when they say we are all sinners - we are. But I have never read in the bible that divorce is an ok option when you think that you find a better option or when your M is not kicking on all cylinders. The crazy thing is that the OP is definately not a better option: they are immoral, without a conscience, liers, infidels, ....what a minute am I describing our S's. Hmmmmm..... I guess they are just two pea's in a pod.
My W worked late last night and gave me a call letting me know that it was busy and that she did not know when she would get out of work. She did this so I would not worry about her, but it goes againest her normal actions. She was actually thinking about how I feel. Confusing.....
My H just keeps telling me he hasn't been happy for 3 years or so. I asked him why he didn't tell me this. He said I know I should have talked to you.
The part that I don't understand is that when we all took our marriage vows and it said for better or worse...where's the part that said or until you find someone who can make you happier.
My H also had the nerve to say to me that if he has to split the business (he wants it all) that he wouldn't be able to support our daughters the way they are accustomed to? He said do you not care about them? He said I would ruin everything. Wow, can you believe that? Umm... who started all of the messes we are in? I've told him that I didn't want his business I just want my family, but if we went through with the D then we would split everything in half.
I'm not trying to be bitter or get revenge, but I have seen a person that I don't know right now. He has done lots of things that I didn't think he would do. So how do I know that the OW wouldn't keep him from supporting those girls and also why would I want her getting half of our business when she played a major role in our break up!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
My W emailed me today asking me if I could meet her after her IC session because we need to talk without our kids around and not in our house. I have know idea what she wants to talk about, and am going into this talk thinking the worse. I hope and pray that it goes better then what is going on in my head rightnow.
So for those who believe I ask that you say a pray for me this evening.
Chicki, I hope everything went well for you tonight, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
My W and I meet up for dinner tonight to discuss the Pink Elephant living in our house. She saw a lawyer last week and has yet to file. But indicates that this is her intentions. She is still standing firm that I will never touch her again nor will she ever make herself vulnerable to me ever again. She told me tonight that the looking at my hands and the thought of them touching her makes her cringe because I brought the feelings from her sexual assault back-up. Now that event is associated with me even though I never did anything like this to her. She said tonight that the only time that we seem to get along is when we talk about our kids and that she over the years has kept busy trying to make everything look like all was ok in our home. This A just exacerbated all her negative feeling towards me and that is why we are at where we are at today.
I again mentioned Legal Seperation to which it doesn't seem like an option in her mind. She has given me the last 7+ years to love her right and she will not give me another year to try.
We talked about the new car and I told her my plans. We might just payoff her car or she might just take over the payments. Who knows...But it is all out there and she can let me know which option she would like to go with.
She is planning on taking half of everything and retaining custody of our girls. She knows that means every other weekend for me and once every week. She would like me to have the girls more often then that but that is what both of our lawyers told us.
Her lawyer told her that a D would most likely only cost her $1200, which is less then the retainer that my lawyer is going to charge me. I still hope we do not get this far, but my expectations are low rightnow.
I am planning on bring my 2DD's away this weekend with some friends of mine. We should have a really good time. I am looking forward to the trip.
My W did for the first time tonight thank me for helping her dad the other day. She also appologized for disrespecting me the way she did with the A. It was sincere.
She told me her coldness was do to the fact that she did not want to give me any false hope. Hopefully after tonight we can actually start communicating more frequently.
I still hope and pray that my family in the end stays intact. I love my W, I love my girls, I love this family that I have been blessed with. Without my W wanting to give a little effort into making this work I do not see how we can even begin trying to reconcile.
You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for the support, encouragement, and the kick in the a$$ that I sometimes need. I will keep you posted.
think that is a common saying among our W. “I don’t want to give you false hopes” But…. What I really think they may be thinking is. “I don’t want to let my guard down to my true feelings” I beleive deep down buried they still have their love for us. But it has been covered with excess baggage they have been carrying around. If they are going through a MLC they can’t blame the kids, what kind of parent would that makes them. The next best thing would be to blame us. We are there best friends. Who else can you dump on and they will still hang around. If you haven’t yet .Let your W know you will not get false hopes. You want to be her friend. Another common mistake we make is telling our Ws their feeling are wrong. For example if your wife said.” I feel like I have no freedom” Don’t argue and say you go here or there and do this or that. She is not really saying she has no freedom. She is saying I FEEL LIKE I have no freedom. When EVER they say I FEEL…blank…… That’s fine. Let them know you are sorry they feel that way. But that is their feelings. I am in the Learning process I just hope it’s not to late
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I agree that I am in a learning process, my fear is that it is to late for my M. I have been the best husband that I could be with the information that I had, miss informed I might have been but I always put my W and childrens needs infront of mine. I know a change of heart in my W will not happen over night, I am just hoping and praying that she will make a commitment to our family. Until that happens my M is doomed. As you all can tell I am a bit negative today. I did not get much sleep last night maybe it was the fact that I went for a jog last night, really it was because I could not settle my mind enough to relax and fall asleep.
I have to admit even though our conversation sucked last night it was nice to see my wife happy. She has a beautiful smile, it is sad that it is nolonger for me.
ETRC Don’t worry about being neg. I have my bad days too. I have noticed the little things we sometimes take fro granted. One is your wife’s Smile. Don’t make a big deal abort it but next time when she is with you and something happens tell her she has a beautiful smile.
Quick question you said: I have to admit even though our conversation sucked last night it was nice to see my wife happy. She has a beautiful smile, it is sad that it is no longer for me.
Was there someone else in the room? Seems like it WAS for you to me.
With your conversations be careful I tend to take things too personal. Some of her actions or statements are really made without thinking. They are not directed towards me but I took them that way.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, good point I was the only person sitting at the table when she should me her beaming smile.
I have actually gotten to the point where I do not take what she says to personally. It still hurts. But I know that I am a great guy with a lot to offer her and to our girls. I just have to get better at loving her from afar and supporting her in ways that are not overly obvious. I also need to get a life for me and my DD's to share.
Little update on my new car. I should be getting it either tomorrow or thursday. I am really hoping to pick it up tomorrow so I can give my 5D a ride in it after her preschool graduation cermony. Also, my DD's and I are going away this weekend with a few of my friends and their families. It should be a great time, though I am not looking forward to the 5 hour drive. But the drive might not be so bad in the new ride. I do plan on taking a ton of pictures so I can show my W what she missed out on. I do not think this will change her heart but might give her a little more to think about.
