Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Letting go and going with the flow

my thread locked, my thread locked... wow, always a monumental moment for me... not a lot of posts and threads for an oldtimer like me!


OK, here is my last thread:

Hmm, I think I might be `done`

brava

Hi all,

A quick update...

I am in Japan visiting my firend. It is really great. The people are so nice, the weatehr is amazing. We went for one night to an onsen, a Japanaese hot spring hotel. So fun and relaxing.

OK, my sitch... never heard from H after my email. I am sure he is stewing and drinking and who knows what else !

I have had moments of semi regret for sending the email but overall I still feel like it happened for a reason and the best thing I can do now is go witht he flow ans see what happens.

News is that I got an email from his sis in Italy. Shewrote to tell me that she is finally getting a divorce. Ha , how would that be... 2 out of 2... both brother and sis divorced in the same year.

I bet H is in total denial. I knew more about her sitch than he did. I knew the divroce was going to happen whereas he would say that they were not getting along!!!

Anyway, hope everyone is well here!!!!

brava

You go to Japan for work but it sounds more like all fun to me! I like those kind of trips, the kind that work picks up the bill. Speaking of that, might be in Chicago later this month.

Remember the only thing you know is that you never know. He might be really shocked, or it might be stuck in cyber space and he didn't even get it.

My thread locked too, but nothing much new. I did watch a big lightening storm, I thought the neighbors house was on fire but when I walked across the field to see it turned out it was the big tree that got struck. My computer modem took a hit though, I was connecting at a whopping 7.2 so H was kind enough to swap it out for me this morning and I am connected at 3 times that now! Still dreadfully slow.

Have fun and travel safe!

WCW:
oh oh, did I miss you? Are you still coming to Chicago??? huh? huh?




Gee, you are smart. Turns out he left me a bon voyage message after I had turned my cell off. Then he called me on Mon. (the day after I got back).
He is all sweet. Invited me to dinner. YUP, he is worried... rightfully so!

I had a realization:
I can deal with lots of compromises:
staying in Chicago, waiting to have kids (or adopting)...

the one deal breaker is that I just can't or don't want to handle "sharing him" anymore with all his female friends, messed up guy freinds etc.. It was a pattern that developed in our marriage already and it is his way of not risking and puttin his energy into a committed relationship. I know that NOW of all times I should be ok with it but I am not.

I loved Japan and have an informal job offer. I think I might go for it. It would be for one year up to 3 years. I have such a desire to create something new and be somewhere where I will not live in the shadow of my Hs world.

Anyway, more on all this in the next few days. I am so pooped from jetlag. I am finishing Dancing WIth the Stars and then it is beddy bye for me.



brava

previous threads:

#3 Moving to MLC finally...

#2 Oh how a half year flew by

#1 Slow and Steady

bravagal, so glad you are back safe and sound.
Chicago, actually Rosemont, is next week but my boss thinks I am so smart it is turning into just a one day training trip instead of more. Good or bad, it is how it is. No time to play this time. Boohoo.

Odd you mention waiting to have kids or adopting. For all my younger years I waited to start a family until the right time. I guess the right time never came. I wasn't horribly upset, I always felt I would be better with toddlers on up than with babies, and I wanted to adopt or be a foster parent. I always let myself be talked out of that plan, and for that I am sorry. It is not too late to change that missed part of my life moving forward if the H obstacle steps out my way. Of course there are always the comments about 'how lucky you are that you don't have kids during a D.' I just smiled with no good way to respond while the noise of my heart ripping apart drowned out my thoughts.

Looking forward to hearing more about Japan job offers and deal breakers. When you are not sleep deprived of course.

WCW
Are you in and out of Rosemont the same day?
You gotta have some time to relax... no??

As for the kids issue. .. never say never, right? adoption and foster parenting is a beautiful way to have a child in your life.
Hm, funny to refer to your H as an obstacle. Who ever thought that would be a term to use that we can all relate to! dumb ol' obstacles!

I am so tired and jetlagged. I have been canceling my tutoring sessions yesterday and today. Just too tired!

Boy was my H kissing up to me Monday. Months ago that would have made me so happy but now, I dont know... its not that I have given up but I have perhaps just accepted that he is living a life right now that is very different from married life. Maybe I just dont feel the same passion about waiting all this out. I know he will come out of it eventually...

Ah well.

brava

Welcome back, Brava! I'm glad you had a good trip.



This is an interesting insight. I also had to deal with this during my M. People (even H's friends and family) would ask me why I "let" him go out so much, and I always answered that he's a grown man - I can't force him to stay home; he has to choose to do that. Unfortunately, he didn't.

I don't think you DO have to be okay with it; I won't be next time around. I think it is very telling when someone acts like that. I had never thought of it in the terms you mentioned above, but it is an interesting way to look at it. It's also part of just not wanting to grow up and take on responsibilities.

I hope your jetlag lets up soon!

Nicola

Yes, same day. Work hard, play hard. It would be fun to find a time to get together though, did you ever find my email?

Obstacle was one of the nicer terms I can come up with this week. I don't want to bash and name call him and end up feeling mean and guilty in the end. Somewhere buried under the layers I still have feelings for him and still 'hope for the best while preparing for the worst'.

Kissing UP? are you taller than your H? hahaha, I am sooo funny. That made me remember though, H and I did rub noses last weekend. That's kissing in Eskimo right? does that mean I am out of the competition for the Guiness Record of married couple longest without a kiss? Bummer. If so...I might as well go all out for the real thing now. ~~~~~tremble~~~~~

*threadjack* - amd, are you lurking somewhere? anyone hear from her? *over*

Hey Nicola,

Thanks for your post. Yeah, I got the "lettting" comments at times too.
I know for me H it has a lot to do with getting attention and having people think he is a superstar.
Funny thing is , it would bug me so much that it would have the opposite effect on me: I would make sure not to inflate his ego... I also resited his friends. Gotta say though, he has made some crappy friendships here in teh States. I had no issues with his friends in Italy.

ANYWAY, i am focusing on letting go and letting God do his thing. I am open to whatever comes my way.

btw, you are am amazing woman. i am stilling following your thread.



brava