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I am a bit concerned about the weight loss. I am 5' 7" and only weight 105 lbs even though I am eating more than I did before. (I gained back 5 from my low of 100, however.) I have a heart condition in which my body overreacts to adrenaline and thinks that it is exercising all the time. That is part of why I am so tired all the time now. Maybe I should be called 1/4 left. For everyone who thinks it would be great to be skinny, be glad you are not. I constantly have people ask me if I am sick or have anorexia.

Thank you for saying I am strong. My brother yesterday said I was not a strong person because I only work part time. I told him that that is why I thought I was strong. Before I had children I worked full-time. I made a choice to give up the extra money and be with the kids more by being part time. Being in control of your life and making conscious choices makes you strong.

I am so glad I made that choice to continue to work part time or I would be in so much financial trouble now. As it is, I plan to increase my hours a bit in the fall, but will still be able to drop off and pick up the kids from school. I am so lucky to have my job. If H stopped paying anything, I could immediately switch to full time and make the house payments on my own. My heart bleeds when I read about all the moms here that have to find a job and may lose their home. I told my D10 "this is why all women need options in their lives. You never know what will hit." She is so sweet, she said that in a few years she can babysit to make money to help out, but I told her she didn't need to.

I was a bit sneaky today and did some more Internet investigation of the OW to see if she is a scammer. Using my sneaky powers of deduction, I found out her full name, email addresses, and entire family tree including names and dates of birth of her children. All I had to start with was her first name and a phone number. Why are people so dumb to put this stuff online? It is begging for identity theft. I did a background check and found out that her story does make sense. She has no arrests on her record but her husband has some for domestic abuse. So she was telling the truth about being abused. I was concerned that there could be some drug charges or DUIs but there weren't. It still doesn't excuse what she is doing though. I am done snooping now and will not tell H anything.

My bad I meant to say 3/4 missing.

That was a thoughtless and inaccurate thing to say by your brother. I know how much work goes into taking care of children full time but then add a part time job and it can be overwhelming. My W was a full time mom until last summer (she occasionally had a PT job every once in awhile as a sub in the local schools) and she was swamped.

We all do what we need to do...
What seems overwhelming at first can be accomplished if you just dig in and do it!!!!

I look back on my life and I sometimes get exhausted just remembering but you know...at the time you do it becuase you have to...

I remember being a single mom of two boys (1 and 2 at the time)and having a full-time and a part-time job...all alone

I remember working full time in the school, part time waitressing and going to an excelerated masters program to get my licensure while having tow little guys just in school (I was done when they were in 1st grade and kindie)!!! Although...by then LSS was in the picture and was helping out!!!

bleckhhhhhhhh

don't know how but it got done

Now I am a single mom to a 2nd and 4th grader, coach, teacher, will be bartending this summer....you just learn to find the joy in it!!! What a blessing that I can do it!!!!

I just got back from the counselor. It was ok. She seemed to concentrate too much on family histories and the past. She doesn't seem to know much about MLC and thinks H is just depressed. She advised me to see a L before our next appointment in 2 wks so I can make sure I am getting everything I should be getting. She understands me wanting to wait some and is not pushing for a D, but she thinks that H should be paying what he would after a D as a reality check. I really don't think I would get more than H is paying now, but it does make sense to talk to a L and find out.

I told her I wanted to focus next time on ways for me to GAL and to realize I can be happy without a man. She loaned me a book called "Slay Your Own Dragons" which should be interesting. I think I will continue to see her for a while but I will direct the conversation more in helping me GAL and overcome my problems and resist any pressure she might put on me to get a D.

She also suggested I should ask my cardiologist to recommend an antidepressant that would work with my heart problem, but I really want to avoid it if I can. My body overreacts to medicines and I am always the one who gets side effects.

fig, however did you find the strength!

HM,

I did the C thing a few years ago not for M problems just my own. I had a C that was into "history" and personally I found that didn't work for me. If you think you've got a good C and you can guide the sessions to get what you need/want out of them go for it. Keep in mind you can always find someone else if you think they would serve you better.

I'd be interested in hearing what you think of the book, if you get a chance.

It is amazing what we can make happen. You may be tired, but give yourself credit for all you do. As much as I think snooping isn't good (notice I didn't say bad)...that was very clever of you.

BTW tell you brother to HUSH! I think that was just ignorant (either that or he's mean spirited). You don't need that kind of talk.

My brother is an idiot and likes to instigate. For some reason, he is the only man I've ever been able to really tell off.

I did read the book this afternoon. It talked about how women can sabotage themselves out of happiness in life, but didn't really address what I see as my main issues. After reading it, I came to the decision that I was emotionally in pretty good shape before my H went wacko.

H called a little while ago to tell me all about his day at work. The company he works for got bought out and he was one of only three employees offered a job with the new company. He then chit-chatted about movies he had seen and other trivialities. He made some strange comments about going to see the new cars at the Saturn dealer for fun. He then said that since our cars are getting older we might want to consider getting one of the new hybrids next time. What??? Haven't you left me - why would we get a car together in the future? How can they be so functional sometimes but then in la-la land other times? As D10 says, "Daddy Cuckoo Head" (making a swirling motion with her finger pointed towards her head). They don't seem to get that if you leave your spouse you are ending your married life with them.

This counselor is paid for under my HMO so I will give her a chance. I wish she knew something about MLC though and not just depression.

Grace_0, I wouldn't have been so snoopy if I wasn't concerned for the safety of my kids. This woman could have been delusional or really a druggie or something. I have no plans to investigate her further.

I had a really good convo with a neighbor of mine. She used to watch my D10 in the morning before school a few years ago. When I met her, her H had just left her and her 5 children and she was a wreck. I called her today to get some L recommendations. She was so nice and we talked for over an hour. Her H is exactly like mine and she had so much good advice. Her H was a quiet loner with no friends who also resented her successes, friends, etc. He started out depressed and then had an OW and then left. It was classic MLC. They went to counseling and at one point her C said that her H was just a lost soul. She also reiterated that there was nothing that you can do. It is all them. She also suggested I should consider going dark.

She decided to stand for 18 months before she finally gave up. A year later after the D was final and she had gotten an annulment he wanted to come back, but she had moved on and was in another relationship. She said that what made her decide to move on was when a friend asked if she was in love with her H or with the idea of her family. That is when she decided to get the D and move on. She is so happy now. She is dating a nice man and said she is actually happier in some ways now than when she was with her H.

So this makes me feel that if the worst happens, there is a chance I could be happy again in the future.

I forgot to mention another thing my friend said. She said through counseling she came to understand that her H just had no love to give to anyone. They are so depressed and have such a low self esteem that they cannot love themselves, you, or the kids. The OW gives them a seratonin boost that is like a drug for their depression. I think it was so reassuring to hear these same things from someone who experienced this and did not hear this from someone on this board. You know, it is independent verification and validation or IV&V as we engineers say.

You know, I wish they'd make a special MLC vitamin.

Today H sent me an email with a song he thought I would find amusing. He stopped by to drive the kids to school as usual. He called me at work several times at work just to tell me that he took some pictures of baby bunnies that D10 would like and would be emailing them. (I didn't pick up the first two times he called because I was on my office phone with a business call.) He then called later to ask for the kids SS#. Then he called just now to tell me he emailed me those pictures. He hasn't called this often since before the bomb. I am trying not to read anything into this, but how do you stop yourself from wondering if he is starting to miss us?