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LOL- Hey HP! LTNS

We Type 7s have a hard time staying away from the BB because we gotta have playmates and an audience. When I described this BB to my sister she said "It's just like when we lived in the co-op in college and you would just hangout in the living room and chat with whoever dropped in.".

I'm thinking I'm going to set BF up with my baby sister who used to be bi-sexual but has decided to date straight men exclusively now. She's a Type 7 criminal defense attorney and award winning documentary film maker. She just turned 32 but she got carded on her birthday because she looks (and acts)about 16. She's about 5'5" with large breasts, long waist and narrow hips. She has light brown hair which is cut like an English choir boy and she twists it compulsively so there is always a piece sticking up like Alfalfa. She's high drive and wide band-width sexually and she's very monogamous and inclined towards LTRs.

I dunno, Mojo. I think of the bottom of his little heart, BF's really strait-laced.

Wow, did those comments pay off more then I hoped for.

Hi Cobra

I am sorry I have not responed to a few of your last posts to me. I wasnt ignoring you, just been busy.

I liked your advice to heather, but thought the advice to Chromo (and corri's too) sucked. Ok I feel better now.
I agreed with your comments about gottman, that the woman needs to be able to have some affect on her H. Thats the thing that I have to work on. Its tough to see where 'caring for' stops and placating starts.

I wasnt being a victim, I was accepting what is. Im taoist dontchaknow? Actually that wasnt really my intent either, yes that kind of push can be victimish. Done too much. Like I was telling Choco, that sort of comment is not usually looking for a solution, its looking for a reassurance. You did give me a solution however, and a pretty accurate and well thought out description of what happens. It was actually GELS comments that incited me to post that along with SG's comments. I was hoping to engage SG in some dialogue, but Mojo threw a wrench in it by cheekily pushing it back. Frankly she is such a handful, im surprised her H isnt still in the pokey recovering his masculine energy.

Im trying to reconcile some issues in my mind right now, that run along the female version of madonna/whore. we need a name for that...well call it ... jerk/provider. I think everyone has this to some extent, but its all perception. For example, GELS H sees her as the madonna, but Ill bet her previous bf(s) saw her in a differant light.


SG And of course you realize that I must take offense at your classifying my intelligence and intuition as "unknown". Don't they just shimmer through my posts? Sheesh
Ive offended you? I *should* probably apologize then.

But not today.
Im too pleased with myself for being able to offend you. Its not all that easy to do with someone so intuitive, intelligent and secure.

Mojo

ohhhhhh that kind of pilgim. I was thinking Plymouth rock, and hats with buckles and blunderbuss's.

It wasn't even apparent to me how high-maintenance my X was (or how high-maintenance I allowed him to be) until he was gone. I am much better able to care for MYSELF now in many ways including making more effort with my appearance and overall physical health. For instance, I can transfer the mental energy and physical effort I previously used taking care of all the tasks on the cranky little notes my X would leave in the kitchen in the morning to considering which fake tan cream would work best for me and taking the dog for a power walk

Lack of boundaries. of course its easy outside of M. It was one of the things he asked of you, for a long time, though probably not in a way you wanted to hear it. nuff said. when you lose weight, breasts typically do become smaller. An observation is not always a criticism, you know.


At least when you're "topping" someone's "top" you are tending towards upwards movement and growth, right? Really there's no reason why it can't be a collaboration rather than a competition.

This is true. It *should* be something to appreciate, that your woman focuses in on every one of your faults and wants to fix them. (much like encouraging your woman to take care of herself should be appreciated) A womans idgitty vibe doesnt feel very much like a collaboration, nor do tears, clinging, nagging, screeching.

Sometimes though, its nice to be imperfect and accepted also, expecially when you spend much of your other life busy 'topping tops'. A W *should* appreciate that her H doesnt think he needs to tend the fences. Now that we are done with shoulds, lets deal with reality.
I e-mailed him back "To be completely honest, I was kind of relieved when you didn't show up because I am already dating too many men and I'm starting to get freaked out and confused."

LOL. Now thats the kind of brutal honesty that I can get behind 100%.

I mean, when in the course of a real sexual encounter would a guy stand sideways to show off his erection? Although it would be quite hilarious (Well I dont normally let you sucker me in to answering these things, but Ill let you this time since its funny and not erotic. And no more telling the guys, they are responsible for you diddling yourself. It freaks them out.)

You mean guys dont do that? Why not? Its funny. For example after we get out of the shower, I love to throw my wet towel over my woody to use as a drying rack. That usually gets a laugh. Its also an effective way to carry the towel into the bedroom, since hands are busy elsewhere. Then you can place it underneath her to prevent the argument over who sleeps in the wet spot. Always the gentleman.
After throwing her on the bed, pausing to take a moment to look in the mirror while doing your best super hero pose, then twisting your hips back and forth, to make your wang slap slowly slap back and forth, while saying something like, 'How did you get so lucky to get some of this' is also pretty funny. Personally, I dont get the AFF thing, IMO a guy would have a whole lot more success with ......(fillintheblank_________seriously, Im not helping anyone wih that)...... then some headless c**k shot in a poorly lit room. Probably giving what they want to recieve is my guess. shrug.


Honeypott... hahahaha welcome back.
Let me get this straight.

Your wife's judgement is so stellar that she chose to have an affair and flip flop back and forth culminating in divorcing you on your birthday and yet HERS is the opinion that you hold onto as gospel truth?

Well since you bit, I do actually have some beachfront property to sell. Its a good price, since you will have to wait for the artic to finish melting. your getting in on the groundfloor.

I never believe women. It would be tooo.... respectful....

The fact that you are even dwelling on her comment just tells me how ready you are for a relationship,

HAAA!!! See you DO agree with her. HAAA!!! Ill have no choice but to enforce another 18 months of superficial R's on myself now. Its all your fault. actually I wasnt dwelling. Like I said, I dropped the anger a while back. Its nice to be able to look back and just observe, what was, with no longing, nor any anger.

you just need wise women like me and Jenny to come along and point it out to you.

Yes. Just what every man needs. a couple of cows wisely chewing their cud, in his life.


SG

It's not exactly news that even highly intelligent people can make bad judgments, have blind spots, their own prejudices, etc.

This is especially true for someone retroactively trying to justify something they feel guilty about.



Well there it is. Thats my diamond right there. Thats what I was looking for. I think Ill pause and look at it again.



GEL's remark about always trusting her gut, nearly drove me to distraction. I was just imagining all the WAW's reading that-- nodding. Yep I should trust my feelings. Hmm. The same feelings that drove you to hook up with your H in the beginning? or the feelings that are encouraging you to leave. or the feelings for OM? HMMM. Dont get me wrong. Feelings are valid. That doesnt mean we should always act on them.

However since there is no arguing with feelings, I thought it would be much more effective to have you ladies say it for me. Besides its been a while since I had any fun like this around here. Frankly I thought Mojo had ruined my fun when she volleyed back my initial serve. Your pesky. I dont know how your H handled you for 20 years. I may have to research this cranky note idea.

LFL
You're not a beer to slam.

I have to say, the two years it took to get that, make it all the more satisfing. Since I know that will be the last one, I am going to sit here and savor it for a moment.
By the way, if I were an itinerant little boy, I would really like the style with which your post was delivered. .

Mojo
Crimeny. How many contradictions can you have in one description of your sister. A high bandwidth, bisexual, does not arrive there via monogamy and LTR's. LOL. Wide bandwidth does not assure compatibility. Apparently you have wide bandwidth and your H's particular idiosyncracy, was outside yours.
Although her personality sounds very fun, not only is she too short, Im not seeking a LTR. Its also not possible for me to be attracted to someone I havent seen, heard and watched move. Body language and vocal tonality (#1)are more important to me then big boobs, and even override facial attractiveness. I have a 5'10" and up preferance, minimum 5'8 rule for LTR's. I stopped seeing one girl just because I couldnt deal with her hands. Yep. Im that shallow.

Im very curious about your innate drive to see the little boy.






hahaha.
HAhaha.

HAHAHAHAHA.
LMFAO.

OMG.

Every time I try to respond to this.... HAHAHAH. ok ok...
enough I can barely breath, and my cheeks are going to break. I havent laughed so hard in a loooooong time.

Thank you SG. That was very sweet of you to say that. I'm going to save that. Fortunately we are judged by our actions. At the bottom of this icebox, SG, there is only the call of the wild. If your trying to extract examples to the contrary, its not gonna happen.

An adroit piece of manipulation, blackfoot, and I applaud your ingenuity. It pi$$es me off that I fell for it, and I will be much more on my guard in the future.

And I don't buy the "call of the wild" stuff. Sorry. You can be anything you wish with a woman that doesn't matter a tuppence to you, but you'd not feel the same way in a LTR. I don't mean strait-laced as in "narrow sexual bandwith", by the way. I mean strait-laced as in "not much tolerance for shades of grey".

It's not a condemnation, or even a put-down. It's an observation.

Aaahhh, BF, you are such a treat.



But you Are an itinerant little boy (it took me a while to realize that), and that's part of your charm. That's also why you have always HATED when I said "beer to slam." And I admit now, after much personal/social/sexual/relational exploration, that I was wrong. I said those words because...well, I think you know why. Smart men can figure this stuff out.
And so, you have LFL's blessing. (like you care....but maybe you do). Just be who you are BF. Don't apologize for it. You are on the right track. You will find a woman that will be a great match for you someday. Who will call you on your BS (which there is much of, lol) and also let you "top her top" as needed. Just like we've said to Mojo, it may take awhile. But you will find that person.
LFL

BF,



Yep, I can guarantee they saw more than that in me.

Also BF, to clarify my "always trust your instincts" comment. I've found that it's not my gut instincts that lead me to make bad moves...it's always been that little voice that's questioning my instincts...that have led me to do stupid stuff like walk away from a marriage, which is what I believe WAW's are actually listening to.

My XH was an alcoholic, a bad one. With him I ignored that gut instinct of "don't give up on this yet" and listened to my wounded pride saying "you wusse! how much more of this are you going to put up with!?" He was/is a really good guy, who truly was trying to straighten things out, but I listened to my pride and found the excuse I needed to leave.

With my 1st H (I hate referring to him as an H, he doesn't deserve that title)....I ignored my gut instinct to run for my life and protect myself from him, my gut was screaming at me to "RUN! SAVE YOURSELF, YOU'RE GOING TO END UP DEAD!" My guilt and pride spoke louder, so I stayed and endured horrible things so my family wouldn't know what I had gotten myself into.

Now, to my current H. I've finally learned to listen to my gut. When I found out what he'd been doing online a year ago...many of you (I believe you were one of them) urged me to cut him loose (understandably), at the very least kick him out. My pride was right there with you guys screaming to "KICK HIM TO THE CURB! YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS, HE'S NOT WORTH IT!" But my gut was quietly telling me "don't give up on this now." I'm so glad I didn't listen to my pride.

I've found through my own mistakes that often when I make a rash choice to do/or not do something....it's not my gut instinct talking.....it's been guilt/pride/anger/resentment...not my true gut instinct...interestingly enough my gut usually tells me the opposite of what my rash emotions tell me, if I can stop and hear it.

GEL

Blackfoot,

No, I wasn’t upset at your comments, not at all. I was actually feeling a bit concerned for you, because what I see is the following: When you first began to post here, leading up to your D, you had a strong arrogance in your posts, but also a lot of subtle anger. Later that turned into a more rational, logical, philosophical tone, in which you brought out the alpha male ideas and the role of biology and chemical attraction in men and women. You had your role, your W had hers. You did your part, she failed.

That slowly morphed into an acknowledgement of the role that male emotions play in a woman’s feelings toward her man. A healthy level of jealousy is comforting to a woman, regardless of whether it makes logical sense. Now I sense you are trying to just accept your faults, and hers, as just the way things are, that it was fate, human nature, FOO, whatever, but there is little than can be done. So this latest turn to your subtle self deprecation.

What seems to be the common theme here? I may be wrong, but I still think the loss of your W hurts you deeply and I think you are doing all you can to avoid that pain. I think your rationalizations are all meant to avoid the pain that you are human and you are hurt, that you made your share of mistakes and lost your W. She made mistakes for sure, but neither of you knew then what you know now. I am sure both of you would do everything differently if you had it to do over again.

Which is my point. If both you and your W have learned and grown, why is it that a D must be irreversible? What is the point if living the rest of your life, suppressing the resentment that you had to throw away your dreams? Why torture yourself like that rather than learn forgiveness? What is the purpose of holding to higher morals if those morals make your life miserable? What good does self protection and defenses do if the prison you create blocks out your happiness? BTDT. Don’t make my mistake.

[*whistle]
Wow SG, not only are you quite fetching when you are pi$$ed, but your rhetoric's acuminate is exceptionally well trained. If my bosom bore lifes blood, instead of this icebox, you most certainly would have left me shivered.

Come on now, manipulation? Such an ugly word. Really. How did you know that word grates me. [squinty look] Mojo gets to be toungue in cheek but I am manipulative? It was unsporting to gloat, forgive me. (It really was worth the sauciness though.) Honestly Id rather just talk forthright with you as was my original intention. I got sidetracked by some boredom, and a part of work that is best left at work.


And I don't buy the "call of the wild" stuff. Sorry. You can be anything you wish with a woman that doesn't matter a tuppence to you, but you'd not feel the same way in a LTR.
Well, its strange that women often dont believe my honesty. You totally have that backwards. I take great pains to do no harm. The women that dont matter a tuppance, are quite safe from ever encountering anything viscerally hurtful. Since I am judged by my actions, not my feelings, looking at my hurt leached out here, is not an acurrate representation of what others saw.
Much like I said to LFL. Her emotions may flipflop wildly here, but her IRL actions deserve a whole differant level of respect. Shes certainly no paragon of virtue, but if you had seen me eat x alive like a struggling bleating gazelle, right when she found her bunny again, you would be not be differing with me about this. thats why my personal boundary is if she commits marital infidelity, she is OUT. [snap]*poof* boundaries are not always for ourselves.

I mean strait-laced as in "not much tolerance for shades of grey".

It's not a condemnation, or even a put-down. It's an observation. Oh. well then once again we agree. an accurate observation is no put down. I appreciate it. Now I can determine, is it holding me back, or protecting, not so much me, but others. My original interpretation was still very amusing to me.

Your remark seemed to be directed In referance to Mojo's sister's attributes, none of which would or do put me off. (other then her height) I have no M/W tendencies. If she is not married, or does not have A (singular) bf, then she is potential. Prior to my M I was in fact afraid of women with multiple bf's-- didnt trust them, or more accurately my ability to hold them. With some assistance from HP, first and now Mojo, I think, by golly that poor girl is getting bounced on too many knees. She needs me to save her. LOL.
Its all perception, and Id much rather enter a marriage with someone who has their eyes open, which only comes from experience, then some clueless 'innocent' liable to self destruct on ignorant drama. Besides for the most part, they just stand there frozen with deer in the headlight eyes when I am around them. not very scintilliating.

And so, you have LFL's blessing Thank you. Sincerely. For all of it.

Who will call you on your BS (which there is much of, lol) and also let you "top her top" as needed.
Yes. yes, good, excellant, she sounds perfect....... wait a minute what do you mean LET ME top her top. You did that just to fry me. bah. let me. *grumble grumble*. my worst fears written.

GEL.
Hows your wrist? full recovery? did you put down some nerf in the corral? heheh. got a seat belt on that pony now? LOL.

I've finally learned to listen to my gut. When I found out what he'd been doing online a year ago...many of you (I believe you were one of them) urged me to cut him loose (understandably), at the very least kick him out.
Yes I was. I didnt want you to end it. My thought was he needed a serious repercussion to violating boundaries. I never intended or thought it would be permanent. It wasnt about your pride for me, that rarely works out for a well implemented boundary..
At any rate you did it your way, and its good to see you so happy.

Thank you for your further comments to 12_51 and me. Hopefully he can find some inspiration there. Its (not) funny how with those two voices, even when you 'know' its usually the attraction one that wins.

Cobra,

You know what I hate. When you push the wrong set of keys and your computer reboots in the middle of a post. Thats what I hate.

This is a DB board. I whole heartedly agree with DBing. There fore I am unable to reply to your posts. The potential discord caused to those who are barely hanging on to there taker, yet still actually married, lends no value to my thoughts being expressed, since its not a matter of persisting me out of stubbornness. My decision is final. Im about solutions for those that want them. There are many new faces here. They want help. They are confused. They are in pain.
I appreciate your concern. I do. Thank you.