Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Piecing, 2 steps forward, one back, or more?

OMG!!!
Could you imagine!!
It would be so funny if they met in NY.
I also have a Son turning 21, he is looking at Law Schools right now, and is supposed to be studying for his LSAT...we shall see what happens.
He wants to go to Law School in CA.

BND,
like where in California? And does he want to be a L, or is he just unsure of what he wants to do and law school sounds better than being unemployed? Not that I'm a sad L or anything. But I'm one of 4 L's in my family and none of us are now in private practice, except for my last fed case, and I guess soon I will be...but firm life sucks. Period.
j-

Folks,

what do I tell h when he calls and asks about the "inteview"??
help!
j-

PS "it went well, I really feel like hero got to know US both better..."??

How about exactly what you said in your post:



You don't have to go into details - just focus on what he said about the job in general

Hey J-

I guess I'd only tell H as much as I thought he'd react well to. I think that's a very interesting conversation you had with hero #1. He must care about your H if he's investing in you this way too. You still have serious reservations about heading up there, and I can totally understand that. My last move was so hard to decide on too. The first time I honestly didn't know which option (staying or going) was going to be better. It's so hard.

Hi All, Heyw and opt (Optim!! how are you??!! I'll catch up on your thread if you have one...)

Yep, I said the basics and H seemed a tiny bit freaked this am, then he was reassured. Even though hero said nice things this morning about our talk last night, I still worry that somehow h's partnership track has been derailed...but then, IF it has...oh well.

I just cannot actively continue to lie for h, although I don't have to go out of my way to confront the truth in front of others. It is in many ways, none of their business either. So far, I've gone along with his "public" comments, but added nothing to the version he gives them up there, although I do say that I was/am not willing to move d18 in high school....Today When h told me, (yes, ME) the #45th rendition of what took place the past 22 months, he said: "I thought the PLAN was to wait for d18 to finish HS and then you'd be joining me..." wth? (( "PLAN"?? you mean secret unilateral choices made like a single man without a family?? that PLAN??) All I could say was, "H, Are you high? Don't black out on me. I remember exactly how the "Choices" were made..." End of THAT talk...although he didn't get very mad, I think he was embarrassed or felt chagrin, but who knows?

So, that was that...end of talking. But I'll know this week if I suddenly don't get an offer OR, soon enought if h doesn't get his partnership. Actually, how can they make ME an offer and fire him??? Oh.... the irony of it all....nope, I don't expect/want that but it'd be weird.

In a way, since I know it wasn't thought out or intentionally punitive of me, just so tired and sad for my sister's h/family, and my own issues here. My d18 leaving and being so far apart--we were a family of 5 2 years ago and now, what??

But like I told hero last night, I could have picked up the phone 2 years ago if I thought forcing them to Not hire him, would have helped the M in the long run. I mean, I just couldn't see Forcing h to lose a job to get him back with us...No thanks.

Hero seemed to understand. But I've trusted people before, only to have totally misread them. Shoot, I guess it's all out of my hands now...

Maybe IF things crash down, it's a good thing. OR at least, now that some of the stuff is out in the open with THAT one hero/his wife, I won't have to pretend in front of them when I am up there. That would feel better to me, b/c although I resent the hell out of them in the sense that h chose that place with them instead of here with us, I also am "aware" enough to see that they are good people who just didn't know. In 2001 when H first applied for all this crap, and things were progressing, he eventually confessed we wouldn't be joining him ---and they withdrew the job offer, since most doctors don't last there without their families AND they said to h:"No job is worth losing your family for..."!! AMEN!!

(I told hero last night that I would have written a thank you note to him back then, but didn't want to seem like I was gloating to h. He seemed to understand. If I am wrong about him, so be it. But if I'm right about hero, then I have a good friend in him, and that is a good thing. He treats his wife well and she is good to him. I am told they are who they appear to be, so maybe the talking last night will end up being a good thing. I just let myself be vulnerable, so, wth? (sigh)

j-

Dealing with major anger, grief, etc.

feeling grief about some real things, e.g., my sister's h is going down the drain soon, as his brain tumor is just not going away. Insurance company denied the clinical trial so I dropped everything, "appealed" aggressively, and they reversed. Yeah, a small victory that ultimately will not likely make any difference....Ouch. Also, d18 leaving for college and uprooting d9 to live soooo far away and going from a family of five 2 years ago, to just me and d9, joining h up there...H also calls often but the kids do NOT want to talk to him. Not in a very angry way, but more like indifference and uninterest, an annoyance. D9 says "tell him I'm asleep" and the older ones answer his questions with one word answers. This actually does bother h, but as far as what he admits to me, it seems he acts as if it angers him and as if he does NOT see any connection, at least none that he admits to me...

I have been doing forgiveness exercises out loud as I realize that the Grand Finale of the past 2 years is ME moving there....and yet, I DO accept that I've made that choice so don't worry about the uncertainty part in me. It's the part of me that I've suppressed, the part that can't stand h for doing it all. ANd when he said the thing about "our plan" and having d18 first finish high school blah blah blah...all I could say is , "Don't Black out on me" etc. H has revised history so much that HE NOW believes his own cover story.
Gotta go do some more praying and releasing the anger to God.
j-

okay, go ahead and worry about my uncertainty. Had huge blowout with idiot h.

Yes I resent wth is happening in my life... and when I try to express it without blasting him, he gets so defensive, so fast I really get irked. Who is HE to give me crap about anything?

Oh and btw, he now officially believes his COVER STORY that he went up there to "set things up for our family"&^&%(*&!!!?????? wtf is he kidding?? Is he having an anesthesia induced black out???

The only way for me to imagine being happy there would require him to treat me in a way he seems incapable of...crap. No matter what, I guess I'm moving...crap...I really hate him right now.
j-

so Optimist, what did you do?
j-

How are you feeling j? I don't know if he has so much guilt over what he is done that he has convinced himself of his "cover story" or if he is just "sticking to his story" or if he has rewritten history completely in his own mind. I hope you're able to get past your disappointment and anger and find away to somehow let go of how things got to where they are today and when you move up there you can truly give everything a fighting chance of working out. No reason to move there otherwise, if you go, hopefully you'll have the ability to match your heart and your head with your intentions

Take care,
-JDK