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Mine wouldn't - he has absolutely no interest whatsoever - go figure!!

Mine wouldn't - he has absolutely no interest whatsoever - go figure!!

Heywyre - ru sure??? WTH??? I did order the 5 Love Languages - but gave it to my best friend since I am also reading Getting Back Together: How To Reconcile With Your Partner - And Make It Last by Bettie Youngs

Maybe you could look into the five LL and figure his out?

I cannot imagine my husband not interested in sex. I tell him several times a week that "I am naked - under my clothes - HA" and just this gets him going!!

Nope - not interested at all and hasn't been for a long long time

First A happened in 2001/2 - he managed to be able to do it then
Second one in 2006 - once again, he managed.

However, he did say (with the AD he is taking) he had a difficult time performing with them(I tried not to snicker at that one). As a matter of fact, the first one told me he was a "lousy lay" - which I thought was rather cruel but I can see why that might put a little pressure on him to perform now.

Hopefully we can work on things and get back to "normal" - its been so long I don't know if I even remember how to do it - lol

Just an update:

H has teminated his apt lease early and is planning on coming home at the end of May! Yeah! We told the kids last week and the look on their faces was priceless! "Thanks, Dad for coming home!!!!" was all our S9 could say!

We are doing well with us!

Big news is the OW sent me an apology email (we were very close friends - or so I thought- b4 all this mess). I welled up with tears just seeing the subject line "I'm truly sorry"... Now the confusing part - not sure if I should respond at all... She has come up a notch in my mind and part of this bugs me - it was easier to be angry with her (I never really hated her - that would have been a waste of my energy)... I figure at some point to send her a note but will put it off for awhile...

It's great to be posting some positives! DB'ing is working for us!

Congratulations, HB! That's such wonderful news. Great work! I can only imagine the look on your children's faces... Another family on the way to being saved! You should be so proud of yourself.

Please continue to post as you are piecing. I would love to keep following your successes!

As for the e-mail from OW, wow... There is simply no excuse whatsoever for what she contributed to. But I do admire her for having the courage to apologize to you personally (rather than through your H, for example). Yes, I agree to let it sit for a while and think about what feels right for you to do. Let HER squirm a little bit wondering what YOU'RE thinking, right?

Great job, HB!!!!!!!!!!!!

congrats, HB. It is great to hear that your h terminate the lease. I am guessing that for him to really go through with this action is huge on his part to show he is ready to come home.

Wow, email from OW. I fantasize the day if I see OW (I don't know her). I also agree to put this off for a while just to see how you truly feel about this. IM (truly) HO, I would respond eventually, even with just an acknowledgement of receiving the email. As to adding anymore, I guess that depends.

Congrats again. Keep posting, even if it's just for giving us encouragement with your success.

HB,

I don't think I have ever posted to you, but I have only read your last piercing thread. I have one question-

If you can sum up your success on getting your H back in one or a couple of sentences what would that be? What r the major tips that you would recommend on doing?

I too would like to know what chicki is asking. How did you handle the feelings of almost having and being let down by small things? I try to blow it off, but still any advice would be greatly appreciated.

WOW - brief may be hard to do!! I love to talk!

1) Learned true DETACHEMENT and I truly let him go - actually pushed him out when I found out he was back to talking/seeing OW. I told him to go to his bachelor apt and see the 'true' R they really had going. I was ready for him to D but figured the apt was our last shot. I just could not allow a 3 person R continue...it's a really hard call with this one though (every sitch is different)...

2) I killed him with kindness - he said he really was amazed at how I helped him move out and set up house at the new place. I surprised him with food purchases when I was out grocery shopping (fave cookies, bottled water - apt water is rusty) and was generally ALWAYS POSITIVE around him (cried my eyes out when apart - he NEVER saw these).

3) I talked often about KIDS stuff and house business NOT R talk sometimes asked him to do family stuff - only if he really wanted to (which he did).

4) We still had some trust levels between us which allowed us to set up 4 promises to each other a.) No spending/giving money to OW b.) No OW around our kids c.) No filing for D unless we did it together and d.) H agreed to come to me if he ever needed help with anything!!!

It's hard to apply what works in one sitch to another but this is what worked in mine. Their R was doomed from the start they just needed the harsh light of reality to open their eyes and it went down that way. OW ex-H was a raging man (they got D w/out him even knowing the true reason - this A) and he and OW had a very volatile sitch going on that my H really wanted no part of.

TD-

Not sure how I dealt with my feelings. Detachement helped the most - kept printouts of what was detachment in my car, at my work and on my nightstand - read them constantly!!!! Intially I wrote in a journal for the first 6 or 7 mos and was always reading postings here. But I did not post here until FEB - which amazes me - this group was/is an awesome support group. I wanted to throw in the towel so many times with the intense pain but then I just did not want my kids to go through all the pain of D. I guess I was a lot stronger than I felt at the time.

I read a ton of others stories - got ideas, web links, quotes and whatever else to help me get through each day. Finally I came to realize he could only come back if he really wanted it or we'd be in the same boat 5 yrs from now. DB'ing becomes part of the marriage not just a temp attitude until they come back. We will still have communication problems no doubt - but I will never take him for granted again!

My motto all along has been BABY STEPs - sometimes we overlook the little things b/c we want to get through this ASAP but it's all the little things that make up the one big thing - getting our spouses back.

I hoped I helped somewhat???!

HB (but heart is now healing)...