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I knew you did, otherwise you wouldn't be here.

Just got back from dinner. The W was really nice and chipper. Is the distancing working? Or did she just have a drink at her mom's house when she was there earlier.
I'm still going out tonight. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to pull the sleep out in the camper thing and then come on the house at about 7:00am really noisy yet

With that said. Today even thought I am not a mother is going to be hard. I didn’t buy my W a present even though I wanted to so bad.
When we went out for pizza My W was so talkative. Her our son and I had a good time.
When we got home and I was getting ready to go out things changed. My W changed back to her withdrawn self. Didn’t say much. I hope I am not pushing her away by doing this.
Also what I have found out is I don’t like going out without My W. Last Friday was good I had a good time with my daughter and her BF. Last night I played pool with a really good friend. I finely confided in him that my W and I were having problems but didn’t go into details.
But looking around at all of the couples just made me sad.
So even though I am trying to GAL I don’t think I will be going out at night too much.
Later this week I am going to ask my W if I get a baby sitter if she would like to go play a game of pool as friends.
Not sure what I’m going to say to the family today at our mothers day lunch we always have when they ask “what did you get W for mothers day?” Don’t know what my W is going to say when they ask” what did you get for mothers day?” I see a very troubling day ahead.

Why is it so easy for me to give others advise but I can’t seem to follow it myself? I wish my W would just open up and let loose. Tell me she wants out. Is she waiting for something? Why can’t we just fight and get it over and done with. So many mixed messages. The is no “we need to work on our relationship” or “our marriage suck I want out” or I don’t want to work on our marriage its over” nothing from her. Sometimes beside intimacy she acts like everything is honky dory. All the while there is this unspoken presence of the OM. I really do believe the OM has little to do with our sitch except her going to him and there intimacy has made me feel worthless, less than human and hurt.
I feel like I’m the OM in this relationship. Like they are the ones married and I am just in the way.
But like I said, she has not asked for a divorce. She is seeing a C. Sometimes I think she feels tied down with our family and focuses her tied down problem on me. I know she is unhappy. I know she can’t quite put he finger on what’s making her unhappy. Why can’t she see that in working on our relationship together we can get to the root of her unhappiness? Sorry I’m just babbling today….

Ok
I have an off the wall idea.
Tell me what you think

I try to become the OM. I E-mail my W something like this


How are you doing? Haven’t talked to ya in a while. I hear you are having some problems. Hey remember I am you best friend. If there is some problem between you and your husband and you think I can help let’s talk. Maybe I can help you. Being a guy I know guy’s can be confusing sometimes. They are always sending mixed messages, sometimes they smother ya other times they act like you don’t exist or take ya for granted. My wife is going through some hard times right now and having some problems and maybe you can help me understand also. Not being a woman Sometimes I don’t understand what she needs or is going through.
Anyway please write back I have some questions about my wife I would like your opinion on.

Have a great day
*****************************************************************

Now remember. In my sitch for some reason my W is holding back her feelings. Do you think acting like the OM might help he talk to me?

H,

I can tell you right now that is NOT a wise move. Think back a minute, this move will back-fire. OM is not the issue, it's the breakdown of the M. What you should be doing is sticking with GAL.....and working on real changes for yourself. This is the best way to get your W to notice you and for her to open up on her own.

If you want to save your M, please, no games.....

Cool?

Thanks

Just my mind is just wandering ..

My W is up and looked at the cards from our kids and then at mine. Just a plain card that said happy mother’s day. No ILU or a gift. She seemed a little sad but I don’t know. I feel bad not getting her something.

Don’t worry no letter

Thanks
H

Once we are on the right track of improving ourselves and really DBing.....then we know that our WAS's need to EARN our trust back.

I think without trust, or respect, there is no R.

Don't worry about the non-gift. The card should have been enough. She's missing you, and thinking about being a mother, and she has a lot of other stuff going through her mind....

Well I kind of fibbed to you I did only buy a card and signed it with out any ILU but….. I did pick a pink rose (pink is her favorite color) from my garden and also put it with the card.
Tonight after dinner she was putting water in the other flowers she got from my D and my SL gave her a single rose also. My W got a vase, put my Sl rose in it and then put mine there also. I kind of had a felling she was just going to throw mine away...


I have some things I need to write ya all about the family luncheon but that will have to wait.

Mixed messages I’m going to bed
See ya all in the morning

Interesting family “Mothers day Luncheon” Went to my SL house for lunch. Cousins, sister and ML were there. My W and I did sit together out back with everybody (Nice California weather just rubbing it in to all ya back east people). Anyway we sat next to each other. Some how the conversation turned to marriages. (I was not doing any of the talking but someone brought up how they hope our niece (who was divorced once already). Realized how lucky she is to have her current husband. How much of a hard worker and good person he is. Then the cousin brought up how much his sister and her husband who from the outside look like a dysfunctional family are really so close. Married 17 years and the still hold hands.

It was like some how messages were being sent to my W. She did not comment just shook her head in agreement.

Like I said I did not partake in this conversation and no body in the family Knows that we are having problems. This just kind of came up. It’s either a sign or its like when you by a new car. Al of a sudden you start noticing all of those cars on the road. They were always there you just didn’t notice them before.