My emotions are still up and down. I just did a funny thing. I was putting some stuff back in the refrigerator after dinner and noticed a bowl full of olives. They are something my H dearly loves. I tossed them all down the disposal!
D16 was asking too many questions today. I don't know if she and her dad talked about us, but I was determined not to pump her for information from their visit. When H decided to stay on the boat I had requested he not talk to her without me being there. He did the opposite. I also suggested she not ask him questions about us.....just go and have fun.
I just need to figure out a way to balance out what to tell her. I want to explain that I think our marriage is worth fighting for, but her dad needs some space. I don't want to give her false hope, or be too negative. Of course, there are things that are just private between parents. I think she would rather us just get divorced so we can move and she can go to a new school.
How do you deal with questions from your children?????
Thank you, FA. Great to hear from you and you helped a lot! Did your kids ever ask oersonal questions? I need to find a nice way to say, "that is none of your business".
My first wife was addicted to drugs. I did not know this. She left me with a 3Mo. And 3 yr old D’s. I Never said a bad thing around them about their mother. In fact when others started talking about her around them I told them to stop. My x was seeing them as long as I also sent along money to pay for food and diapers. But when I stared sending food and diapers instead of money she started making excuses why she couldn’t see them. I started telling the 3yr old that mamma was sick today so she could not go see her. After awhile I just didn’t let my kids know what days they were to go visit until I knew for sure they were going. Finley My X just stopped calling. No matter what She is the mother of my children. I never hated her, she had problems and her living with her decision for the rest of her life was punishment enough. Your child being older knows what is going on. They don’t like being “pumped” for info. Don’t do it. If your husband does that it’s his problem. The child will know what’s going on and get tired of the questions real quick. Be the parent that they want to be around not the one that is always asking questions.
This is my advice. The only training I have is life it’s self.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My first wife was addicted to drugs. I did not know this. She left me with a 3Mo. And 3 yr old D’s. I Never said a bad thing around them about their mother. In fact when others started talking about her around them I told them to stop. My x was seeing them as long as I also sent along money to pay for food and diapers. But when I stared sending food and diapers instead of money she started making excuses why she couldn’t see them. I started telling the 3yr old that mamma was sick today so she could not go see her. After awhile I just didn’t let my kids know what days they were to go visit until I knew for sure they were going. Finley My X just stopped calling. No matter what She is the mother of my children. I never hated her, she had problems and her living with her decision for the rest of her life was punishment enough. Your child being older knows what is going on. They don’t like being “pumped” for info. Don’t do it. If your husband does that it’s his problem. The child will know what’s going on and get tired of the questions real quick. Be the parent that they want to be around not the one that is always asking questions.
This is my advice. The only training I have is life it’s self.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I actually am not worried about H pumping info out of D16 as much as him just saying way too much about what he thinks is wrong with our R. D16 wants a definite answer one way or another. That just isn't possible at this time.
H was here tonight for a couple hours to do laundry and watch tv. He also brought over flowers for D16 to give me for Mother's Day. Guess he wanted to get that "duty" over with. I know she was planning on making me something, but he didn't think that was good enough per D16's conversation. Of course, that will mean more to me than flowers although I love the flowers, too!!
When he left he thanked me for letting him come over. I told him this was still his house and he was welcome any time. I also said he didn't need to thank me. I then said it was nice to see him (I really did just SEE him; we didn't say more than six words to each other.) I mentioned if he ever wanted to come for dinner just call in advance. (I don't think I actually said I haven't cooked much since he left, but I think he understood).
H keeps saying "no matter what we'll always be friends" I just feel us drifting further and further away. I don't see how this separation can help our friendship, let alone our marriage. Only time will tell.
I wonder if by letting H come and go as he pleases if it is letting him cake-eat and not have to make decisions. Maybe he needs more boundries to help him work thru this mess.
It sounds like he does not want to loose you but yet he knows right now that he can have it both ways, so why not.
jak
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
