He also called last night at bedtime, so that is four calls in one day. Argh! I really need to detach and stop trying to read something into everything he does.
He is going on a business trip the week after next so next week will be the last week he comes over in the morning to take the kids to school. (I will have a babysitter in the summer.) I think it will be good that he won't be seeing them everyday.
Out of curiosity I looked on myspace to see if OOW had a page. According to her page she is bisexual. How nice a married woman with four kids has a page on myspace saying she is bi and looking for "friends". I wonder if H knows her orientation. (She is a smoker too, which H detests.) It might explain why they haven't ML and are "just friends" for now (supposedly).
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
It's hard to detach and stop second guessing what they might be thinking. So, maybe if you DO something? I always find that helpful. Any thoughts?
Of course he misses you somewhere in what's left of his mind. He can't see it though. After all, he's in touch whit what he really likes... the bi smoker has taken over.....quick RUN!
One way or another of course you'll be happy again someday. Just don't let this mess turn you bitter and use this time to look inside yourself and decide who you are and how to be the best of that. Then life will take its path and perhaphs you'll trod the road less traveled.
I don't think I am getting bitter. I used to be such a happy, friendly person all the time and I miss the old me. I think I did have "that light within me" as in your sig. (At least that is what my friends have said.)
I miss my old life and how I could think about little problems because I didn't have any big ones. I have been reading a book called "Getting Your Life Back" which is a book on depression. It is very helpful in realizing how your thoughts affect your mood. There is an excellent example of a woman with an H who walked out in this book. It shows what dialogue she has in her mind and I swear I could have written it. I need to overcome this depression.
I have been thinking about the whole single mother sitch and how unfair it is that H's get to do only fun things with the kids while we do all the work. I decided to try my hardest to get everything done in the evening by 9pm so that 9-10 can be family time. The kids are still young enough that they want to spend time with me and we plan on either playing a game, watching a video, or reading together during family time. I also want to do more on my weekends with them.
On the positive side, I am finally able to get some actual work done at work.
On the negative side, I got a good L recommendation but have been too afraid to actually call her. (I asked my uncle who is a judge.) It is so scary to face the reality of what a D means. I plan to call sometime this week and spend some time getting copies of all our financial papers.
In some respects, I wonder if we are all stuck in denial on this BB. Everyone else says "D him." After talking to the L, I can decide what I want to do. I plan on at least waiting until the end of June and then seeing how H is acting at that time. It is my decision and I need to feel comfortable with it.
I have also been listening to the Rush song "Driven". I definitely feel like "It is my turn to drive." I need to take control of my life and stop letting H drive. I want to GAL and make my life be what I want it to be.
Here is a short list of my goals: Gain my weight back Spend quality time with the kids Be productive again at work Build up stamina so I can go on bike rides and join the bike club Go to the Y more More walks in the woods with the kids Plan to go out with friends more on H's weekends with the kids instead of just doing housework and grocery shopping Read novels again Plan a vacation with me and kids
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
It does seem that they get to have the "fun" with the kids sometimes. I've gotten into a habit of doing chores either with the kids (mine are usually helpful) or when they're gone/asleep. This frees up weekend time for us to do things.
Please do not take my next words as criticism, but I noticed you registered in Feb. of this year. While I can appreciate that this has probably been going on for awhile, the trade off looks like about 6 months for 23 years. Yes, you decide, but I wouldn't consider myself even a decent bb buddy if I didn't point it out. Are your re-evaluating then or is that all you think you've got? Just a question, not meant to upset you.
I need to see how things go. I also need to protect myself and the children financially. A D would do that. From what I have seen, the longer you wait the worse things can get, the more money they can spend, and the more likely they are to turn advisarial. I am afraid that if this OW does move in with him she could want the house for her kids and a bigger piece of the pie.
I am also of the opinion that a D is a piece of paper. We could always get remarried if H woke up. Even if we started going to a mediator it would be a while before it would be official anyway, and H could wake up before then. I do know that I do not have it in me to wait years. I also do not have religious reasons to stand.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
You don't need one. I stand, b/c of a KNOWING I have. This is not b/c I have an understanding about how it will all turn out. Most of the time I think he will go and we will get a D and so forth. When I think these thoughts, I catch them as early as I can and if nothing else I think of shreaded wheat (as a way of clearing my mind). I do believe we create what we think, so you have to catch the negative and replace it. Preferably with positive, but at least get rid of the negative.
I agree you have to protect yourself and kids financially. Bottom line (from my perspective anyway), is to think about where you want/need to be and take the steps to get there. Don't operate out of fear. I have had a tendency to do that. I may still in the future, but at least I'll be aware of it instead of it being a knee jerk response. We all just do the best we can.
I do believe we create what we think, so you have to catch the negative and replace it. Preferably with positive, but at least get rid of the negative.
I wish I could feel this way. I am not a very optimistic person. When H looks at me now, there is no love there anymore and that rips my heart out. There is that feeling you get when a man leaves you and you know it is over, they no longer care about you. I don't know if trying to be hopeful is actually a form a denial. I am trying not to operate out of fear, but this whole nightmare has hurt me so bad I just want to stop it from getting even worse. I will have to evaluate the risk as time goes on.
Me45 H45 D13 S10 together-23 years married-21 years MLC Divorced 10/3/07 Married to a wonderful new man.
I'm not an optimist by nature either. I don't know if it's denial or not, but I don't think so. Denial would be a refusal to deal with this mess and pretend it's something else. I can only speak for myself, but I'm not pretending and I'm dealing with it and all of it's ramifications every day.
