Sorry...my husband was home so I stayed off the computer. I have an appt early this morning but when I get back I am going to email you. Your comment about needing a paramedic was too funny!! I know your tempted to look at the phone log but just hang on and that feeling will pass. That must have made your son feel really good to have his mother come and watch. You are right, it does seem like the tides are turning for you. You are doing so good. I'm proud of you. Ya know....I said something similar to the OM. I said "Regardless if any relationship between us develops out of this and even if we never see eachother again, I'll still be glad that I met you because it opened up my eyes to what was missing in my life and marriage". I promise I'll email you as soon as I get back. I'm going to be late if I don't get off this computer!!! Have a good day!
Don't be sorry I understand. I guess this is where our sitch is Different. I know My W is really interested in what I am doing on the computer. She knows I am talking to someone. I delete DB on the history so she does not know about that. I changed my password on my e-mail. This was strange for me because I always respected her privacy and trusted her so much I always had the same password for everything. Of course she has no access to my Computer at work so she is in limbo land as to what I am doing and who I am talking to. I read somewhere here that as long as my W is in her fantasy land with the OM and in a fog nothing is going to change, But when reality hits the fog will lift. I think the reality that she can’t have it both ways that I will not just hang out and wait for her to decide what she wants Time is running out. Just to mess with her head the other day at her bro’s. B-Day party I acted like my cell phone buzzed me. Pulled it out looked at it and went outside (where she could see me through the window) and acted like I was talking to you. What’s really going to mess with her head is if she figures out the phone log thing like I did, she won’t figure out how I got rid of your phone number. I was thinking maybe when I get back from vacation with my son I may tell My W (like she told me in the beginning of all this)" I need some time to clear my head, I'm going to go stay at the time share for the weekend by myself. I know her head will be spinning then. Perception is not always reality. Of course if at our joint meeting tomorrow she just dumps the bomb and says she want's a D then so be it. But I'm having so much fun right now. Maybe I’m the one in the fog? Who knows? All I know is life will go on… Is this kind of like the saying? If life gives you lemons; make lemonade?
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Had to long on I was feeling a weak moment and wanted to call the W at work to see how her day was going. I have asked her how her day went when she gets home trying to be her friend but I’m trying to “detach” and not cal her at work. Is it just me or does any body else notice that detachment is what got me here in the first place. Detachment on her part. And now it’s my weapon to try to get her back. Ironic isn’t it.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Had to long on I was feeling a weak moment and wanted to call the W at work to see how her day was going. I have asked her how her day went when she gets home trying to be her friend but I’m trying to “detach” and not cal her at work. Is it just me or does any body else notice that detachment is what got me here in the first place. Detachment on her part. And now it’s my weapon to try to get her back. Ironic isn’t it.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
H, Detachment isn't what got you into this predicament. Detachment involves healthy boundaries while maintaining a positive connection. Detachment isn't the same as distant. My guess is that what got most of us into this predicament was a failure to have a connection with healthy boundaries.
Detachment isn't a weapon, but part of unconditional love. Detachment involves accepting that you don't have control over the actions of your W. You accept that you can't control or save your W. You choose to love her in spite of her imperfections and poor judgment. You continue to love her thru separations and D (if it comes to that).
I understand what you're trying to do in terms of 180's. You're trying not to pursue her, and create some mystery.
I'm glad to hear that WW and others here has been great support for you.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL I see your point, I meant Emotional detachment: an inability to connect with others on an emotional level What I have now is a mental detachment: assertiveness that allows people to maintain their boundaries and psychic integrity when faced with the emotional demands of another person or group of persons Like I said earlier I was the one walking around troubled, depressed wondering what she was up to. Kind of bird dogging her. We had an “Emotional Detachment” I was not a whole person without her I could not do anything without her. But she had no feelings for me. However I am slowly evolving into a Mental Detachment... Meaning I Can look at the sitch for the good of our marriage. Not just to make her happy. I detached myself enough from the relationship to be able to go out instead of staying home so she would not have to baby-sit. I used to suppress my needs to make her happy / (or unhappy). I think part of the problem after being married for so long is “the excitement of the hunt” fades. Some times ya need to reignite it..
no prob WW
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My husband is also very interested in what I'm doing on the computer as well. I delete this history too. That's why I didn't want to get on here while he was home. He knows all my passwords and checks my primary email account, my cell phone and my myspace page (which he hates by the way) all the time and always has. Even before I ever did anything wrong. So now I have an email acct he doesn't know about. That was pretty slick on your part with your cell at your brother in laws party. Let her wonder and worry for a bit so she can see what she puts you through.
OK Here is my current problem, has anyone ever heard of the saying:
I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes until I met the man that had no feet?
Well I may be stupid but since I have joined this community and found a really good friend here, I understand why some people need others to talk to that are not connected to the sitch. I have found someone here that I can talk to and say things to that I could asks questions to that I could not ask my W because it may hurt my W feelings or my W may take it to personal. Soooo in a way by coming here are we all not having an emotional affair with each other? (With this big of a group it’s really an emotional orgy). I don’t have a problem with My W having a close friend that she can talk to as long as she feels she can come to me and say the same things. Now HAVING SEX is out of the question and ends all deals. But my point is that I want is an open “communication” marriage. Sometimes you need someone to vent to, to say things you really don’t mean but it’s in your mind and after you say them out loud do you realize how stupid it sounds. Anyway I have a lot of thinking to do today its 9 hours and counting until we see the councilor. I’m not sure if I will bring up the fact that I don’t mind her calling the OM. In fact I would like to talk to him, Ask him what he thinks I need to do to win her back. After all he is married. He has a lot to lose if things continue on the same course. I don’t know I’m so confused…..
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
