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Has anyone tried to send a PM to anyone and it worked? I sent DB a message and they have not responded yet.

workaholics wife
Well W made dinner and asked me to cut the meat for her. I went to he mothers house and worked on her yard after dinner. When I got back she said her mother needs to get a gardener because I don’t have enough time to take care of her house and ours.
Is she really looking out for me or just starting to cut ties.
Anyway .what I want to ask you is should I get the W a mothers Day card? I know she is not my mother but I have always gotten her one.
One of the things she has told me in the past was when I gave her a birthday card last year with a poem I wrote in it for her about her she got all teared eye because she felt bad that she didn’t feel the same love that I showed I felt for he in the card.
I’m thinking maybe I should not give her a card and maybe something will be missing. What do ya think?
Just to let ya know I wait for your posts everyday. If I don’t figure out this PM thing I’m, ready to post my E-mail address for you..

I would think if she was trying to cut ties with you she would just tell her mom not to ask you for any more help. Do you mind helping her mother out? If I were you my response would have been "I appreciate your concern but only I can determine what I do and do not have time for." If you get your wife a mothers day card I would try and find one that was more on the funny side than the really sweet & mushy. My husband always gets me one on Mother's Day too. If he didn't, I will admit my feelings would be a little hurt. Mostly because there is no better compliment to me in the world than to be told I'm a good mother. Especially coming from my husband. So I say get her one because regardless if you guys stay married or get divorced, she will always be the mother of your child and to me that alone is reason enough to show her appreciation on Mother's Day. That's only my opinion though. I'm sure others will disagree.

I did mention to he before I left thatI wish I had more time. and Our yard is starting to look alittle shabby. I also have not planted our veg. garden yet.
So was your date your Idea or your H. You kind of sounded skeptical in the first half of your post but in the end it sounded like you really got something our of it. Like I said before my wife did slip and say she missed her freedom. I’m not sure yet freedom from what. I have never said she can’t go somewhere. She has had girl’s nights out. In fact it was letting her have “freedom” that she took the OM to our time share and had the affair. By the way. Last night as I was passing her in the hall I said: boo did I scare you? She just laughed and said I was being a dork. I think this is good because in the past she would have just gotten annoyed with me.
I sometimes think she feels a little to secure with me and does not think she has any worry about me fooling around outside our marriage no matter what she does. One time during one of our mini talks I asked her to think what if the shoe was on the foot and I was the one who was making the phone calls. She became silent and then stated she does not under stand How I can trust her. I told her because I know people make mistakes and I care. But what she didn’t say was I don’t care, go ahead and call someone.
I hope I’m not reading too much into this. Tomorrow she goes to her councilor and wed. We have our first joint meeting with mine. I kind of feel sorry for her. I hope my councilor does not make it feel like WE are ganging up on her.
I am not really looking at her phone calls as a problem anymore. I am looking at trying to find out where in our marriage we went wrong that she can’t get what she needs from me that she gets from talking to him.
I did ask her in the past if she was happy would she have done it and she said no.

Husband, My W and I were seperated for three months with NO hope of reconciling, then X-mas came and we started but there was no intimacy at all. the PA was going on all along. I caught her a month later and things went really bad. Then I moved back in against her wishes and things were on and off. She told me she wanted to reconcile four different times before we finally are right now. My heart got ripped out everytime she told me she was through. She held D over my head whenever things didn't go her way or we were fighting. Untill I put my foot down and made it seem like I was ready for a D, or when I did file, that's when reality hit.

Thats the key of making it work, if there is even a 1% chance it will work, reality has to set in. The only way to do that is to follow what the book says, and try all the different techniques. Find one that works. Mine ended up being the Ultimatum, but I tried every technique before that. I went through HELL, but now it is worth it.
Good Luck!

WW

I like your idea about a mothers day card that is funny not mushy. I could also “carefully” even once in a while just leave something silly or interesting on her desk. I probably failed to mention we work for the same company but in different buildings. Just to break the ice.

It’s really amazing. April 12th I was crying and begging and now with the help of you guys and gals I feel the tide turning. I’m not getting my hopes up yet but by giving her space, having a good time myself. Forgetting about the OM (stopped looking at the phone minutes). I kind of feel like my W is starting to pursue me a little. It’s just little things. Like at a party we were at she asked me if I wanted her to fix me a drink. Before she wouldn’t have botherd. When she went shopping she bought some salt and Vinegar chips. I’m the only on in the house that likes and eats them. I can’t give in yet. I don’t want her back the way she is. I want her back the way she was or better. We have are first couples meeting weds. I hope nothing goes wrong. When I went to my councilor a few weeks back she stated that I need to tell my wife to stop calling the OM. But after “talking” to my new best friend here. (She knows who she is) She told me that it has to be my wife’s decision I agree. I’m not settaling for anything less. Everyone out there just joining this group. It looks dark in the beginning but the light does come on. You start to realize that you will survive if you get back together or not. I must admit I do love my wife and I want us to work things out but……. I have been looking and you know what? My wife is not the only woman out there. There’s More……If we don’t work it out maybe it’s time to trade Up.

Husband, I just wrote a long response and hit the wrong button and lost it all! I like your positive attitude. I'm very happy for you. I know it hasn't been easy on you but I think you are doing a great job. Keep doing what your doing and take care of yourself. Prepare yourself for weds. I think it's going to be difficult. I've been in therapy for years and I'm a psych student. If I know one thing for sure about therapy...It always gets worse before it gets better. I'm surprised at your counselors response about the OM. Mine told me "I can't tell you what to do but my advice would be to break all ties to the OM. You have worked so hard to overcome self destructive behaviors and to continue this relationship while I'm married is self destructive". Isn't it funny how we take the little things (like your wife buying your favorite chips) for granted until they are gone? My husband works nights (up until all this started anyway) and slept days so I would leave a short note for him telling him where I went. He said one of the 1st things he noticed was I stopped writing I love you on the note and my notes got sloppier and then I stopped leaving them all together. I had no ideal he noticed small things like that. I will be the 1st to admit the more my husband starts living his life and stops smothering me, the more I pursue him. It's so weird!!! I even initiated sex the other night which is something I NEVER do. That reminds me I have a private question about somthing that happened during it. Only a guy can help. I hope it's not too personal. I'm going to email you.

I think we all hit the wrong button once in a while. I’m so glad to hear things are looking up for you. My W awhile back would mumble about going somewhere and the next thing I heard was the door shutting. Recently she comes find me and gives me her whole atinuary
I’m going to kohl’s, Mervyns and then grocery shopping. It’s is so strange like ya said.
As for the Sex, That would floor me. My wife has never even kind of initiated sex. I am not jumping to far ahead. I have just started noticing the changes but…… If that were to happen to me I hope a paramedic is close by because I may need him. You know how you can tell by a person’s voice how they are feeling? I can tell by your writing you sound really exited. Like a new you may be emerging. Since you are so much like my wife I can’t wait to see that in her. I’ll be waiting for your E-mail asks away we have already told each other more than we have told our spouses. It’s like you are the secret voice in my wife’s head that I can get real answers to. I don’t know if I am anything like your husband but I will honestly ansner anything you ask from my perspective.

What a great day. My son pitched his first game I called my W to see if she wanted to come watch and she came. She was impressed on how good he is doing. The last couple of months she has kind of detached herself from the family. Staying home probably waiting for a call from the OM .Everyone was miserable until I finely decided to quit trying to drag her along and just gave her space and started enjoying life myself. I think she might be kind of feeling left out. I am soooo tempted to look at the phone log to see if her call to and from the OM are on the decline but I won’t It is one of the things that makes me take 3 steps back from how far I have come. It’s strange but just looking out for my son and myself has made me feel 10 yrs younger. It’s been in the 90s here and yesterday my son and I went and got some shakes and just sat on the jeep with the top down and watched a ball game in the park. While my W sat at home by her self in the heat.
One thing I am thinking of doing. If we do work things out and she gives up on the OM I might write him a letter thanking him for bringing my wife \ life back.
WW where's your E-Mail?????