I don't know what to suggest. I feel like maybe you need to show him that you are serious.
Take care of yourself, don't be needy. If he sees you as broken and wanting him back, you are not attractive to him.
If you are happy with yourself and are still interested in reconciling then, maybe you will both be in a place to try to make that work.
First what problems in your marriage caused your break up?
Have you met with someone/therapist, individual counselor to talk through your own feelings? if not you should.
Why do you NEED him, are you okay with yourself?
Do you think that the problems that made your marriage vulnerable have been fixed? If not do you really want to get back in the same relationship and relive that hurt? I believe that if the answer is NO, you need to work on those issues alone, before your husband will be ready to talk to you again.
You may want to figure out the things you need to do for yourself, and start doing them. Then and only then you should reach out to your husband and let him know what you are doing, how you feel about him, and that you understand the hurt you put him through. (he says he rips up your letters, but i can bet he reads them, or would read them given enough time).
Make it less about him, and more about you, and give him the control back that he lost when you left him for another man. If its his decision to get back with you then he may realize the feelings he still has for you.
Here is a book that I recommend for you, chapter 4 and 5 and 6 are the ones you want to pay close attention to.
