She does need space to work through her shi*. So be the Uconditional Loveing person i feel you are and let her work through this. It sounds by accepting the invite that she is making baby strides so keep it up, be her friend and take things as they are don't expect anything fromher and it will be easier on you.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Friday I went out directly after work and got home around 1:30 am. GF was already in bed sleeping when I got home. I was surprised to find her home since she was talking about visiting her mom for a few days and not returning until Saturday. I went straight to bed.
Saturday I slept in longer than I normally do. Work and this entire sitch is draining me. As soon as I wake up, the GF comes up to me all happy and smiling. She strikes up a conversation with me about random stuff. I asked her about the dress for the wedding that she is in since she picked it up on Thursday. She tells me that she just had it on not to long ago. She then tells me that she came into my room, while I was sleeping, to use my mirror to see how the dress fit. I am thinking to myself, "WTF? Why is she coming into my room while I am still sleeping to use my mirror when there is a tall mirror for her to use in her room and the bathroom?" I kept my thoughts to myself.
Saturday morning she also mentioned that "her place is going to be like a zoo." She recently adopted a few hamsters. With these new additions, she does have quite a few pets. This is the first time that she has mentioned her getting an apartment in a couple of weeks. I didn't respond to this comment.
She also mentioned that she was waiting to her from a co-worker to see if they would switch shifts with her so that she can attend my friends wedding. She made the comment that she couldn't use a vacation day because she didn't give her boss enough notice. I know for a fact that she usually needs to give 3 weeks notice to use a vacation day. The wedding is 3 weeks away so I am pretty sure that she could get the day off. Plus, her boss likes her and is pretty flexible in adjusting schedules. I just said, "Ok, let me know."
This morning when I got up, I looked out the window and noticed a bunch of broken down cardboard boxes in her car. This was a great way to start off my morning. Not only did she mention her getting an apartment the day before, but now I am seeing boxes in the back of her car. Granted, she brought boxes home about a month and a half ago and she is still here. However, it still sucks to see these types of things.
During lunch, she mentioned that she was still tired and that sleepless nights are catching up to her. I asked her if she was still having trouble sleeping and she responded with a yes. I asked her why she was having trouble sleeping. She stated, "I don't know."
She also told me that she would find out from her co-worker if they can switch shifts or not. I responded, "Your boss wouldn't let you use a vacation day? I thought you had to give three weeks notice. The wedding is like 3 weeks away." She then began to back-peddal a bit, making excuses why she couldn't use a vacation day. For example, "Our scheduling and staffing is weird....my boss didn't want to give me the day off because he didn't want it appear that he was giving me special treatment...etc." I could tell that she was not expecting me to ask about this because she was caught off-guard and couldn't give me one definite reason. I didn't press the issue any further.
So now I don't even know if she wants to go to this wedding with me. Now all she has to tell me is that the co-worker won't switch shifts with her and she has a way out of attending. I am also not holding my breathe about attending the wedding that she is in even though she said she would talk to the bride to see if it would be a problem. She has talked the wedding a few times now and has made no mention of me going with her.
If she tells you she can't go maybe you should say thats to bad i would have enjoyed your company but maybe i can find another date, and all the while act as if and be friendly and act happy even though you are not.
You can not be worried about the boxes right now. Even if she did move out you can still DB, some say it's easier than when they are there. Remember you can not control what she says or does you can only control you.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 05/21/0703:32 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Moday - On my way to work, the GF calls me to tell me that she can go to the wedding with me. Turns out she took a vacation day so that she could attend.
Tuesday - I met my dad out for a beers after work. The GF called me about 10:30 pm and I was still at the bar with my dad. I wasn't going to answer and let her wonder. However, my dad suggested that since I answer and just let her know that I am out with him to set her mind at ease. She was actually calling to see if I wanted to go for a walk when she got out of work. I was shocked that she would call an hour before she was supposed to be home just to see if I wanted to walk that night. Needless to say, we took our nightly strool.
Wednesday - She was supposed to go out with some co-workers around 6 pm. I got home from work around 6 pm and she was still there. 9:00 pm rolled around and the GF was still at home. I decided to go out and meet some friends. I stayed out pretty late that night. As it turns out the GF never went out.
Thursday - Decided to call the GF in the afternoon from work to see if she wanted to see a movie with me that night. As soon as I asked she said "Damnit. I just made plans to go to party with Joe (a college friend of hers) so I can't go. I probably won't be home tonight either since the party is out of town."
When I got home from work, she was still there getting ready. I changed out of my work clothes and began to get ready to go out. While getting ready, she asked what movie I was going to see. I ended up leaving the house before she did. I met my dad at the local watering hole and did not go to a movie but she doesn't need to know that.
Friday - I went out with friends. She had to work third shift.
Saturday - The GF gets a dose of reality. I was going to meet some of my friends out for the night and she was supposed to be meeting her friend Heather. I left the house around 9:30 pm and before she did.
About 10 minutes later, the GF calls me. I answer and she asks where I am at and who I am with. I answer her questions and she asks if I mind if she meets up with me. Turns out Heather just called her and said she couldn't make it out. I tell her, "Of course you can meet up with me. You are always more than welcome to hang out with all of us."
She ends up meeting up with me and all of my friends (she knows most of the people that I hang out with). She sat next to me on the couch at the bar. We were getting along well but she kept sending and receiving text messages, I didn't let it show that it bothered me.
After about an hour of being there, a girl I work with named Amy comes up to me to say hello. Amy and I are pretty good friends but my GF is very jealous of this person (although she won't admit it). We only chatted for a few minutes and my GF was next to me the entire time. As soon as Amy left, my GF attitude completely changed. She rarely looked at me or said anything. After about 10 minutes, she got up and said she would be right back. She then sends me a text message stating she was going to go meet her friend Adrian at another bar.
Me and all my friends leave the bar we were at and headed to another. My GF knew that we were going to this particular bar later in the evening. After about 20 min of being at this bar, my brother comes up and tells me that my GF just walked in. I am standing near the bar talking to this girl who is a friend of a friend. My GF immediatly comes up to me pats me on the lower back. I turned and said Hello to her and her friend. My GF then went to the bar to get a drink and I continued my conversation with the girl that I was talking with.
My GF ended up talking with some guys in the same area as where I was standing. I noticed that every now and then she would look over my way to check up on me. She ended up leaving the bar before I did. From what I could tell she left with the guys she was talking to.
I got home around 4am and the GF wasn't home. I went straight to bed. I am not sure if she came home or not. I woke up to her making noise getting ready for work this morning. Normally I don't hear her at all, but she was going in and out of her bedroom closing the door pretty loud (I am pretty sure this was on purpose). I decided not to get up and come out of my bedroom until after she left.
All of this crap seems so childish. I feel like I am in high school all over again.
same with me I have been married for 16 yrs and it feels like high school to me also. Should I hold her hand? Does she like me? should I ask her out? what if she says no? and this is from a woman that I watched my son come out of.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hi Iv'e wodered what happened to you? I Was hoping good things.
Yes it does all seems very childish but it is what it is.
Sounds to me like she might be a little jealous and in return trying to make you jealous.(she knew what bar you were going to and seemed like she was following). Keep acting as if but still ask her to do some things with you just to keep her interested. It sounds like she may be starting to pursue you a little bit
Your Dad seems very intuitive about your sitch, it's great you have him to help you. If I remember right he directed you here right?
Keep up the good work,you are doing great.
My H and I are trudging along and I probobly should move to piecing but I feel I should stay awhile just until I know we are on solid ground again. right now i am having the trust building issues I hope the feeling gets better before to long although i know it will take time to rebuild the trust again.It doesn't help that I know he wants to pretend like nothing happened.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Thank you for all your support so far. I am glad to see that you are headed in the right direction pertaining to your sitch. I hope everything continues to go down the right path for you!
Yes, my dad directed me to this site. He has been so great in helping me work through this. He is the one person that I know I can turn to for support and give good advice because he has been DBing for the last 2 years.
I also am beginning to feel that she is starting to pursue me. However, I am not getting my hopes up. She still mentions getting her own apartment and has made "To Do" notes to herself to search for apartments along with all of the other stuff she has to take care of.
Monday morning I got a phone call at 10:30am from my mom. I talked to her for about 10 minutes. While the GF was in the other room, I was pretty sure she was trying to listen to the conversation. When I got off the phone, the GF immediatly asked, "Who is calling you so early in the morning?"
That night we were out for a walk and made a comment about meeting me at the second bar I was at. During our walk she flat out said, "I hope I didn't ruin your game when I came up to say hi while you were talking to that girl. I had just done a shot before I came up to you." I simply responded, "Don't worry about it."
She then continued to tell me that a guy stopped her to talk to her and she replied to him, "You were just talking to my ex-boyfriend (I got introduced to a lot of people that night, so I may have talked to him at one point but don't remember) and I still live with him." She then told me that she is sick of guys and just wants to go out and have a good time without guys coming up to her.
She then goes on to tell me that she ended up talking to that group of guys until the bar closed. She told me all about their conversation (just general chit-chat) and that he walked her out to her car after the bar had closed.
I find it both weird and funny that she asks me all kinds of questions about where I am going, what I am doing, etc. And while I don't ask her anything but real general questions (ex. "Did you have fun last night?") she almost always tells me all the details of where she was and who she was with.
Side Note - The friend that came with my GF to the second bar ended up leaving that bar shortly after they got there. I know for a fact that this friend doesn't care for the club that we were at. So why would my GF drag a friend to a bar that she would not normally hang out. Especially when all of their other friends were at the bar that they had just left from! Maybe to check up on me?
Don't try to figure. Just smile and wave. When ever I try to figure out why my W did something hundreds of possibilities pop in my head. And all of them but one are wrong. I just can't figure out which one is the right one.
Remember you are not driving; you are just along for the ride
BTW I have a 1968 Tahoe turquoise (had 64 � in high school)
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
