Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Think first..give your S the benefit of doubt

Hey Cat, ever thought about posting over on SSM? Lots of good people over there! Hope all is going better. I agree that fights or arguments have to happen sometimes, but when we are "here" it's a bit more scary b/c we are afraid that we may end up back on the dark side or something.

I remember I used to say "my H and I never fight" and then after almost 8 yrs he dropped the D bomb. It's all about communication, huh? And making sure it's always there.

Frankly, I used to view sex as an extra in a M.... something that isn't a necessity. MISTAKE. It is a necessity. That shift in mindset was a big move for me.
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wish someone would've told me the damage a W can make by putting her H at the end of her list and viewing sex as a chore.

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men are scum
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I grew up w/the kind of attitude, how sad that how's most M begin.

Doing much much better, H has been much more affectionate, he even broke our 2-week-no-sex agreement after the 3rd day, ( I didnt' complain of course
One thing though, after months of him not using the internet I can see he's been on it and deleting the history, and by chance I did find a link, for porn. I wonder if he's forcing himself to be "in the mood" for me by looking at that stuff, we've already had that talk and he knows I dont' feel confortable when he looks at that stuff) He's only been online 2x, so it is not that he's on every time.

I will make an efford not to expect (and make him feel I am) affection 24/7. I want him to be confortable w/me and to be at ease.

Thanks for the feedback friends, it is always nice to hear from you all)))))))

I will put on my two cents but I hope you could soon get a mans perspective,,, he is deleting it obviously cause he knows you do not like him looking at porn. And I would also guess porn is safer to look at than letting you down , or performing for you.
Who knows maybe guilt is eating him alive????
Anyhow do not take it personal and stay calm as you have been.
Dunno your sex life sitch much so I am just trying to fill in the blanks.......
Take care and God bless....

Funny you mention the porn. My H likes to look at it, too. He knows it bothers me. He also deletes the history. I'm still trying to deal with that as well.

Sounds like you're back in a good place with H.

My husband doesn't look at porn but one thing that sometimes bothers me a teeny bit is when I notice him looking at a really attractive women, and think maybe his eyes have settled there a bit too long. Although I tend to notice her first then look at him to see how he's looking at her. It's a bad habit I have. I mean, what's wrong? He doesn't leer at women and ALL men look at women. Heck, I always see men with their wives looking at me. Everyone "looks" at each other. We're all observers. I probably look at attractive men just a bit too long too. It's not like we can put blinders on our spouses!!! Fit them up like horses!!!! LOL!!!!

Unlike women, men are very visual. They can get aroused by simply passing a woman on the street. Not what we women like to hear of our Hs, but it's true. My C told me that. It's why men are so much more into sex than women. Women need the emotional turn-on. Men do not. So looking at attractive women is completely normal. If he didn't do that, I might be concerned.

Cat,
how are things in your sitch? Thanks for providing your ongoing support to my latest rantings.

thanks for asking peacefulS, all well, H dealing w/work and a bit stressed, but I can see he reaches out to me more and it still surprises me how much approachable he is.

Im just lurking now and then, I can get addicted to these boards