Valentine...if it wasn't for her mentioning that he was accumulation more debt I would agree to just leave things as they are...but if she does this she could be party to 1/2 of all of HIS aquired debts...she needs to protect herself from FUTURE debt by filing a legal separation...
DSH...you can research online what the laws are...it usually isn't that hard to understand...in some places you can even get the paperwork online...and if you qualify for a financial waiver...meaning because of debts, cost of living obligation, income you can't afford the filing fee ($300+ in California) then it will be waived by the court...
I looked up everything and did my own legal separation, I did go to the family court facility in our courthouse and they double checked my paperwork...no charge, so see if you have that available...I also wrote my own separation agreement and divorce agreement...H was willing to sign what ever I handed him...in the end though we didn't get divorced...and a legal separation can be for financial protection only...which in your case is important!!!
Your telling me. A good friend said to me recently "when in the world did you ask God for patience? because you are being tested big time." Let's see since he left. One of my dogs had to have surgery for a cancerous tumor, to the tune of $5400.00 and it was my H's decision to do the surgery. He came to the doggie hospital that day. With a 5% chance of her ever recovering and with the situation I just don't know that I would have made the same decision but nonetheless she is alive and well and laying at my feet. Then let's see...there was the dead baby rabbit it my pool on Easter morning. Yep, the easter bunny didn't make it to my house on Easter<G>. Then, both A/C's went out - at my business and my home on the same day. There went another $2400 and last but not least my father' accident at work that caused him to have to have his finger amputated. I know this is nothing compared to other situations but what the heck, you guys wanted me to open up. So, that's some of what I have faced in the 3 months he has been gone.
Now the positives...
He did show up at the hospital for the dog. He did show up to look at the A/C unit. He did fix the headlight on my van. He is texting me regularly and flirting.
Hang on rollercoaster, I need to tighten my restraint : )
I called H to tell him I might have to take our son to the hospital...his response...well let me know (he could have come home to be with son)
I had some major health issues come up with me and would have liked H to be there...but he didn't want to be and flat out told me so...
I had some financial needs that put his family at risk because when he left I had just lost my job...again, he didn't help us
Basically, I could call, son could call...sometimes he might call back, others it could be months before we heard from him...he missed son's plays at the local theater, he missed many school events, church events...when son turned 10 he asked me if I thought his dad knew he was now "two numbers" in years...being 10 was a big deal from 9...dad NEVER called....
So even with all my negatives...we did eventually reconcile...I can't say it was easy...and patience did become my mantra...you will need more then you have at all times...
Couple of things, prompted by valentine and others. First my sitch was also different from yours b/c H stopped putting $$ in the joint account after a few months. He told me to keep paying things out of what was left and I did but it didn't last all that long. It's different when your H is paying. But you do need to be concerned about the cc debt.
Also, in my state you can file for legal S, that is not what I did, I went for the alternative of us signing a S agreement that could then be converted to a decree of D in a year by either party (sort of a "no fault" D). I don't think I would've had the stomach for filing for legal S so was glad to have the agreement option. See what your state's options are and then think about what your needs are and what you can live w/.
