YoYo, You handled the phone call very well. If he wanted to continue the conversation, he could have initiated one.
Did you want to speak further? Just make sure you keep it light.
I think we have to experiment with the degree of connection vs. distance that is right for our situations. The goal is to attract them back into the R, and eventually into Piecing mode.
The distance-connection ratio you've been maintaining has been working for you. He clearly wants to maintain a connection to you.
You're wondering about joining father and daughter to help her move-out of her dorm. Can you maintain the right distance-connection ratio during the trip? Can you be positive and enjoy yourself? This would be a test of your level of detachment.
If you can do it, then go. If an entire trip would be too emotional to handle, and you would end-up acting-out, then join in to the extent you would be comfortable.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Hi Guys, Thanks to responding to my question about the phone call. I must not have put him off too much because he called this afternoon talking about the pool. He said he was going to come over today to work on it but the pump he was going to borrow from a friend was loaned out.
He also asked if the mail he got was a check. I said I couldn't really tell by the window on the envelope but it looked like it. He asked me to open and see.
He said said he would be by tomorrow to check on the pool. I will make sure I'm looking hot. I kept my tone friendly, but not needy. Usually on Sundays I would invite him to come to dinner, but I didn't this time. Remember he told me he needed space. So any face to face meetings I want him to iniate.
I'm trying hard to detach lovingly with no expectations! To loosely quote Mcjoh--the lying and adultery rips our hearts out, detaching or no detaching.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yoyo, hang in there. It is so hard to balance the distance Vs the connection like all other have said already. I think you are doing great. My h is a poker face so it is tough to see if I am doing the right thing.
I have to keep telling myself to pay attention to things h says so i can pick up some clues (like if your h says he needs space, then give him space). At the same time, we all know we have to NOT believe what they say about us. So difficult.
Take care.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Hi Guys, I must not have put him off too much because he called this afternoon talking about the pool. He said he was going to come over today to work on it but the pump he was going to borrow from a friend was loaned out.
In fact, I'd say it was because you kept it to a minimum that he initiated. These WAs are contrary to say the least. The more you detach, the more they want to move closer. Bet if you did a complete 180 he would really take notice. If it is normal to have him round for dinner on Sunday, how about you ask him to mind the kids while you go out
